Ay de me. So New Years Eve morning I'm at the doctor's office again (third time in two weeks) cuz I'm still sick and I woke up with a rash. The diagnosis: MONO. It turns out that somewhere along the timeline of me getting a sinus infection and starting on an antibiotic, I picked up mono. The mono reacted with the pencillin in the antibiotic, hence the rash. So I'm not allowed to drink for three months. I find this all out on new years eve. New years eve and no drinking!!! So I have been in my house since monday, waiting for the rash to go down (which it is) and to feel slightly better (which I am). My mom n dad don't want me to go to school thursday or friday and who am I to argue with them. Abrupt ending: Sleepy time.


EEEK! It's my birthday! My parents just handed me the keys to the Mustang. Helllllz yea. So my family's coming over today and some of my friends are gonna stop by. I wanna go to the mall tomorrow with Caity and get mad clothes n shiznit for the shore. I have a bad tummy ache tho. Thats what you get for eating everything in sight the nite before(damn munchies). I can't wait to be able to rock the stang this summer. It's gonna be maddddd hot. Caity gets automatic shotgun if she's in the car. Cuz she's like my sister. But otherwise there's none of the following: calling shotgun, smoking, throwing stuff out the windows, changing the music from the backseat, and/or hooking up/groping/sex unless I'm involved. =D


Schoooool's out for summer! Thank god. I dont think I could take another day of exams or classes or seeing half of girls in my grade. It doesnt feel like summer though because its all cloudy n icky out. Well this sunday, my family's coming over for my birthday and father's day. First father's day without granpa. This should be good. But then monday I go for license. Tuesday I'm picking up Caity from school n then I have my senior portrait at 1:45. And then either that afternoon or night, me, jen, lynz, n nikki are going down the shore. We're gonna stay at Jen's house in seaside n come home friday morning. Aghh craziness. Can't wait.


Wow so it's been a long time since I've written here. Nothing much has happened over the past month. I'm anxiously awaitng the end of school n getting my license. This summer should be a lot of fun. The girls are planning on spending a lot of time together, even if it might be kinda hard to find time since all of us will be working. But plans include the beach, Six Flags, Jen's house in...uhh shit i forget, parties in Jen's backyard, and as little Westwood as possible. The beach is gonna be mad fun this summer cuz theres i think 4 houses we can stay at that are 10 min apart and 10 min from the boardwalk. Not to mention that me, Jen, Jaime, Sue, Lynz, n Nikki are single. Oh and Jaim just got a NIIIICE piece yesterday. She's sucha "bad" influence. So I'm looking forward to this friday when all this school shit will be over. And then it's my birthday on sunday and I get my license monday. Guys, it's a good time...


i've accepted the fact that theres two types of people: people who pretend to be happy, and those who truly are. and i'm just not one of those truly happy people. certain people used to make me happy, but smoking a cigarette or going out knowing i look really cute makes me happy too. summer's coming up and i dont want to be tied down. i dont want to have to worry about seeing someone every few days or having to answer to someone everytime i go out with my friends. thats why i figure, go out and have fun until its too much for me to handle. if i could have lotsa guys, why would i settle for just one? on the car ride home today, it was me, cath, jen, cath's sister kristin n her friend kristen. and jen was saying how she's gonna get w/ larry this weekend, and i'm basically thinking everything i just typed, and kristen's saying how she's macking it to like 10 guys and kristin is macking it to two and she goes "so cath how's ur love life? oh yea.. you still have that boyfriend..." and it all made so much sense then. a month ago, i would've said i'm 16 going on 24. but now i'm 16 going on 17. I'M FUCKING 16 YEARS OLD. they dont call these years the best of your life for no reason. i just havent found that reason yet. ha but i have faith that one day i will. hopefully. but my point is that i dont want to be fucking engaged to someone by the time i'm 17. i dont want to be making promises to someone that i know i wont keep. and thats what some people are by my age... they've already had kids and grandkids. they've already walked down the aisle and said "i do." they've already bought their house with the white picket fence out front. they've already grown old together. and look how young they are. what a waste. i dont want to waste my last year and a half of high school being with someone who, with today's statistics, the chances of me staying with them are slimmer than those of me becoming a nun. so blah.


I'm really f'in pissed off. I found out today that there were 3 people in the car, including Raven. The driver was a guy, and he survived the crash. And Raven didn't. That's not fair. She was supposed to live. She's supposed to be home with her family and friends this summer. She's supposed to be in the audience and backstage at the recital this year. Amd the fucking driver lived. They're charging him with Manslaughter. They did an autopsy and everyone in the car was trashed, but the fact that he was driving, that he's responsible for Raven's death and that of her best friend. That's bullshit that he's alive and she's not. It's not fair.


One week closer to summer. Seven weeks left. 48 days. Thank god. Which means 51 days till I get my license. This summer's gonna be good. I'm hoping to go down the shore a lot and to a lot more concerts. I think I'll go see Rachel more too. On a sadder note, I found out that a girl I used to dance with died last nite in a car accident. She was a passenger, both she and the driver were drunk. They hit a tree. She was 19.. had two younger sisters (both of whom I dance with now.. 17 and 14). It's really wierd. You never think it'll happen to anyone you know. She was supposed to be in the audience at the recital this year.. and now she won't. It's just so wierd.


Blah di blah. Jackie got contacts today. My eyes got twice as bad as they used to be so I'd have to wear my glasses 24/7 so its easier this way. They're greeeeeen. My eyes are hazel so they bring out the green more. Mad kewl. I like em. I'm listening to O-Town: All or Nothing right now, so I'm gonna go off on a tangent. That's gonna be my philosophy for the time being. It's either all or nothing: friends or relationship. No in between bullshit. So I'm going to put my feelings aside and be a friend. Maybe in the future.. but not now. I'm too hungry to sit here and type anymore. The sesame chicken is calling me...


GRARR! I'm VERY annoyed right now. I just went to update my Orgy page, and it's not there!!! Fuckin angelfire decided to go and delete my entire account. Luckily I have MOST of the page saved on my computer, but news from the last week or so hasn't been saved. Or the new article I just added today. I AM SO PISSED OFF. I hate angelfire. I'm looking at independent domains now. Maybe one day I'll move.


i'm in such an odd mood. i feel like redoing my webpage again. but i love it so much and i know if i get started i'll be up all nite till i finish. i talked to rachel tonite. i miss her!!! she's all in love with frank n shiznit so i'm happy for her. caity's in ireland.. still. grarrr! i have so many stories to tell her. i got a postcard from her today. so i was happy. and i talked to josh tonite too. we discussed boobs and penises. i can't wait to see my josh on g-string divas. i'll be so proud. =D i'm watching the truth about cats and dogs. someone i do NOT like just signed on. ew ew ew... she makes me mad because she doesnt appreciate what she has and i would. i hate that. when people dont appreciate things. not even things, but people. when they're so blind as to what they have in front of them that they can't even see how special and amazing someone is, and they only see them as a security blanket. as someone to run to for safety and confidence. well screw that. if you have someone, appreciate them for all their worth. love them for every inch of who they are. don't just use them because you know they won't regret you. be with them because you want to be with them. AND ONLY THEM. if you have feelings for someone else.. thats not fair. make a decision and stick to it. but if you still have those feelings after you've made a decision, then maybe it's fate trying to tell you something. fate means taking a chance and risking a history for something new. something right. doesnt she understand that she had her chance? and she screwed up? how many times has she pushed you away? i've never pushed you away. okay only once and that was before we were anything. i dunno. i've gone over this a million times in my head, trying to make sense of it all. it doesnt. not to me anyway. i just miss him.. i miss us.