A Day At The Beach is quirky little nonsequiter film The Derelllicts made during the The Kids That Said Hello sessions. The footage for this film is somewhere in Brad's house on some tape. I hope it isn't lost, but here's what I remember from the film. My story opened up as I was sitting at the head of the dinner table in Brad's kitchen (majestic Vivaldi music in the background, candles lit) and was pouring Pepto-Bismol onto slices of bread and eating it. It was extremely nasty, minty, and chalky. Then a little midget with a bandanna on his head, played by Jamey, came up to me and wanted me to draw him a face on a paper bag for him to wear on his head. I obliged, drew, and handed it back to him. But as he left, he warned me to watch my back. So then I got paranoid then went outside and put a flashlight in Brad's mailbox. I believe that was all to my story. Then it flashes to Brad dressed in a black overcoat and hat riding a bicycle screaming "This flashlight doesn't work".

Brad's story opened up with him sitting on a couch in his living room, reading a book on Coco the monkey, and eating dried macoroni. While reading he kept hearing the front door knocking and eventually got fed up and went to see who it is. He opened the door, no one's there, but as he looked down, there's a harmonica which he picked up and played Oh Susannah! Then he started biting the harmonica. After this there's some stop/still animation with a trashcan scooting toward the camera from a distance. When it finally arrived, the man who was riding the bicycle complaining about the flashlight popped out and said, "it works!" Then the film flashed to Jamey and myself driving in Jamey's Kia Sephia doing a Pulp Fiction parody. We're saying something like how we're going to get revenge on this guy and that we're going to "give him his birthday cake." So we arrived at this park, got out of the car, walked up to the foot of this hill as this guy (Brad) came down saying "so where's my birthday cake?" Jamey and I shot wicked glances at each other and replied "we got your birthday cake right here" and jamey reached in his pocket and gave Brad the keys to his car. Brad got in to drive away. Now here is the funny bit. Brad was used to driving an automatic where the gear-shift is on the wheel. Jamey's gear-shift was next to the driver's seat. So Brad got in and turned on the windshield wipers and anti-freeze spray doing everything but driving away. Jamey and I were cracking up because we've got the camera and tried to hold it steady and keep from laughing while Brad drove away. He eventually figured it out where the gear-shift was an drove off.

For the next bit in the film, we drove over to the VA Memorial Theater in Johson City, Tenn. and luckily the doors were open and no one was around. Jamey's story began as the camera entered the door. He was sweeping the carpet with a broom until he noticed the camera. Speaking in a French accent, Jamey reminisced about the theater and how he wanted to be a dancer as he proceeded to dance with the broom. Sometime during this I knocked on the door to let him know the show was about to start, so Jamey lead the camera into the theater to find a seat. Once in the theater, I believe I had the camera to film the show. Jamey announced the name of the performer which went something like Ahshimmujah Puhjahmin (Brad). So Brad came out and did this God-awful stand up act telling jokes that made no sense and horrible impressions. He started acting like an ape at some point smacking the stage and then crawling on his stomach with one of his legs over his arm. Then he got up, told the audience to watch this, and he ran to the back of the stage (the curtain was up) bounded off the brick wall then ran and jumped over the orchestra pit to the aisle directly in front of the camera which I was holding. Thunderous applause from Jamey as he approached Brad. Brad was saying "Thank you thank you!" and pulled Jamey to his side and said he was his brother. The next we thing we did in the theater was go up in the balcony. There Brad and I did a foreign film parody in French. I was seated in a chair while Brad and I spoke poor French (I believe I was a jilted lover and Brad was inquiring about the girl). We eventually recited Allouette in a dramatic fashion. We said au revoir, I got up and left and we went to the dressing rooms for the next bit. The Derelllicts were about to reenact the assassination of President Lincoln with Brad as Lincoln, me as Mary Todd, and Jamey as John Wilkes Booth. It began in the dressing room bathroom with Jamey flushing the toilet and coming out with a plastic coathanger and deranged look on his face. He went out on stage where I was doing some bizarre play with a mop, very dramatically, and Jamey came out and interrupted me saying "I'm going to kill Lincoln" very nonchalantly then left the stage. He went to this corridor next to where the President was, asked the guard where he could find Lincoln to which the guard pointed to the booth in question. Jamey thanked the guard then it switched to Brad and I sitting in the booth commenting on what a good play it was. Meanwhile Jamey crept up behind Brad and started to strangle him with the plastic coathanger. Brad's flailing about as I told him to be quiet so I could enjoy the play. I was laughing away while Brad and Jamey fought. Brad managed to find an aluminum garbage can lid in the booth (don't ask me why it was there) and began hitting Jamey with it in defense. Brad eventually died, Jamey lept over the booth into the orchestra pit, and I got tired of Brad not being responsive. The last bit in the theater showed The Derelllicts sitting next to each other in one of the rows discussing what went on, then we all ran out of the theater, out the doors, into the Kia Sephia outside and headed for Brad's house.

That, my friends, is all I can remember from the movie. Even if we never find the footage, I think my memory will suffice.

Written June 9, 2002