Restaurant Man
No please no
Not tonight please no
Mister can’t you go?
Not tonight, can’t have a scene

Roger
What?

Restaurant Man
Go, please go
You hello, sir
I said no
Important customer

Mark
What am I
Just a blur?

Restaurant Man
You sit all night, you never buy!

Mark
That’s a lie! That’s a lie!
I had a tea the other day

Restaurant Man
You couldn’t pay

Mark
Oh yeah

Collins
Benjamin Coffins III here?

Restaurant Man
Oh no!

All
Wine and beer!

Marueen
The enemy of avenue A
We’ll stay

Restaurant Man
Oy vey!

Collins
What brings the mogul in his own mind to the Life Café?

Benny
I would like to propose a toast
To Maureen’s noble try
It went well

Maureen
Go to Hell

Benny
Was the yuppie scum stomped?
Not counting the homeless
How many tickets weren’t comped?

Roger
Why did Muffy

Benny
Alison

Roger
Miss the show?

Benny
There was a death in the family, if you must know

Angel
Who died?

Benny
Our Akita

Benny, Mark, Angel, and Collins
Evita

Benny
Mimi, I’m surprised
A bright and charming girl like you
Hangs out with these slackers
(who don’t adhere to deals)
They make fun, yet I am the one
attempting to do some good
Or do you really want a neighboorhood
Where people piss on your stoop every night
Bohemia, Bohemia’s
A fallacy in your head
This is Calcutta
Bohemia is dead

Mark
Dearly beloved we gather here to say our goodbyes

Collins and Roger
Dies irae—dies illa
Kyrie eleison
Yitgadal V’Yitkadash (etc)

Mark
Here she lies!
No one knew her worth
The late great daughter of Mother Earth
On this night, when we celebrate the birth
In that little town of Bethlehem
We raise our glass, you bet your ass to La Vie Boheme

All
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme

Mark
To days of inspiration
Playin’ hookie, making something out of nothing
The need to express
to communicate,
To going against the grain,
Going insane,
Going mad

To loving tesion, no pension
to more than one dimension,
To starving for attention
Hating convension, hating pretension
Not to mention, of course,
Hating dear old Mom and Dad

To riding your bike
Midday past the three piece suits
To fruits, to no absolutes
To absolut, to choice
To the village voice
To any passing fad

To being an us for once
Instead of a them

All
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme

Maureen
Is the equipment in a pyramid?

Joanne
It is, Maureen

Maureen
The mixer doesn’t have a case
Don’t give me that face

Mr.Grey
Ahhemm

Maureen
Hey Mister, she’s my sister!

Restaurant Man
So that’s five miso soup,
four seaweed salad,
Three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter,
And one pasta with meatless balls

A Boy
Ugh

Collins
It tastes the same

Mimi
If you close your eyes

Restaurant Man
And thirteen orders of fries
Is that it here?

All
Wine and beer!

Mimi and Angel
To handcrafted beers made in local breweries
To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese
To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo
To huevos rancheros, and Maya Angelou

Maureen and Collins
Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion,
Creation, vacation

Mark
Mucho masturbation

Maureen and Collins
Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it’s new

Collins
To Sontag

Angel
To Sondheim

Four People
To anything taboo

Collins and Roger
Ginsburg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage

Collins
Lenny Bruce

Roger
Langston Hughes

Maureen
To the stage!

Person #1
To Uta

Person #2
To Buddha

Person #3
Pablo Neruda, too

Mark and Mimi
Why Dorothy and Toto went over the Rainbow
To blow off Auntie Em

All
La vie Boheme

Maureen
And wipe the speakers off before You pack

Joanne
Yes, Maureen

Maureen
Well, hurry back

Mr.Grey
Sisters?

Maureen
We’re close

Angel, Collins, Marueen, Mark, Mr.Grey
Brothers!

Mark, Angel, Mimi, and Three others
Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens,
Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men,
Pee Wee Herman
German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein
Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa,
Carmina Burana

All
To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy,
Vaclav Havel, The Sex Pistols, 8BC,
To no shame, never playing the Fame Game

Collins
To marijuana!

All
To sodomy
It’s between God and me
To S&M

Benny
Waiter…waiter…waiter

All
La vie Boheme

Collins
In honor of the death of Bohemia
an improtu salon will commence immediately following dinner
Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap,
will perform her famous lawn chair—handcuff dance
to the sounds of iced tea being stirred

Roger
And Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about
his inability to hold an erection
on the high holy days

Mark
Maureen Johnson,
back from her spectacular one-night engagement on the eleventh street lot,
will sing native American tribal chants
backwards through her vocoder,
while accompanying herself
on the electric cello, which she has never studied

Benny
Your new boyfriend doesn’t know
About us?

Mimi
There’s nothing to know

Benny
Don’t you think that we should discuss

Mimi
It was three months ago

Benny
He doesn’t act like he’s wih you

Mimi
We’re taking it slow

Benny
Where is he now?

Mimi
He’s right
Hmm

Benny
Uh-huh

Mimi
Where’d he go?

Mark
Roger will attemt to write a bittersweet, evocative song

Mark
That doesn’t remind us of ‘Musetta’s Waltz’

Collins
Angel Dumott Schunard will model
the latest fall fashions from Paris
while accompanying herself
on the ten gallon plastic pickle tub

Angel
And Collins will recount his exploits as anarchist
including the tale of his successful reprogramming
of the M.I.T. virtual reality equipment to self-destruct
as it broadcast the words

All
‘Actual reality, act up, fight AIDS’

Benny
Check!!

Mimi
Excuse me
Did I do something wrong?
I get invited then ignored
All night long

Roger
I’ve been trying
I’m not lying
No one’s perfect
I’ve got baggage

Mimi
Life’s too short, babe, time is flying
I’m looking for baggage that goes with mine

Roger
I should tell you

Mimi
I’ve got baggage too

Roger
I should tell you

Both
Baggage, wine

Others
And beer!

Mimi
AZT break

Roger
You?

Mimi
Me. You?

Roger
Mimi