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Galactic Barnyard

Galactic Barnyard

By Emily Cataldo

Chria the tiger and high commander of the galactagon starship peered through the galactascope.

"Ah, the planet Earth is ripe for the picking." She laughed maniacally.

Steve the guppy and third in command said "grrgllabblruurgg."

Emily the pig, the smart one and second in command sighed and said "Steve, press the galactacommunicator, you’re in your bowl filled with water, we can’t understand you."

Steve pressed the galactacommunicator and said "Thanks, Emily. Chria, are you sure this is going to work? Earth isn’t like Zircon. Those skinny, gangly, spider things are all over the place. Who knows if we can destroy them?"

Chria sat in her high commander chair. "Excellent point, Steve. What can we do, Emily? You’re the smart one."

"Well, it seems to me that all we really need to do is flood the earth with a poison and wait until the effects wear off so we can inhabit it."

"Galactically good work, Emily." Peering through the galactascope again, Chria suddenly gasped: "No, what is this? Our kind! They must have been captured on one of the exploration galactamissions. We cannot poison our own kind!"

Emily snorted. "What we must do is simple. Steve and I will travel to where they are being held captive and give them galactaportation stickers so that they can be galactaported out of their cells."

Steve gurgled. "Well there you have it."

"I will beam you back when I receive the signal. Galactagood voyage, officers."

Emily and Steve (and Steve’s bowl) suddenly disappeared and reappeared on Earth. Chria settled down to a catnap.

On Earth, Emily and Steve appeared and stood between Julie the giraffe and Ryan the Cheetah in their cages. On a sign a few feet away was a sign reading: Racine Zoo. (But of course our heroes couldn’t read it; they’re aliens.) Steve pressed the galactacommunicator with his fin.

"Attention fellow travelers, we are here to rescue you, we are here to take you back to Zircon. Julie burped. Emily clanked the bars between her and Ryan with her hoof and snorted "Don’t you want to thank us? Chria will deal with you." Ryan purred. He was fast asleep. Emily disgustedly motioned to Steve. "Just throw them the galactaportation stickers."

"You have them, Steve. I told you to bring them," Emily sneered "You dolt, how could you forget!"

Steve pressed the galactacommunicator and said "They’re in your fanny pack."

"Yes, yes they are." Emily fumbled as she took them out. "I was testing your perception...good work." Emily threw one to Ryan and one to Julie. "Take off the wax paper and stick it to your fur."

Julie burped again and took a sip of water. Ryan continued purring.

"Impudent fools! Why do you not want to be rescued? We are offering you freedom!"

Just then Sara the zookeeper came around the corner searching for the noised that had disturbed her breakfast. "How did you guys get here?" She picked up Steve in his bowl. "What is this stuck to your bowl?" She removed Steve’s and Emily’s stickers Emily was too startled and confused to resist. She threw both in a nearby garbage can. Emily was taken far away and through a gate marked "Petting Zoo" Steve was put on Sara’s desk.

Back in the starship, Chria awoke and could not find Emily or Steve through the galactascope. Alarmed she attempted to beam them back up. What she beamed up, however, was a waste receptacle and two galactaportation stickers with the wax paper still on them. Chria now alone on the starship, she headed for home. She knew from the annihilation of Emily and Steve that earthlings were not a species to reckon with. She set the starship on galactoautopilot and set down for another catnap.

El FIN