My Testimony
Hey everyone. This is my page that is going to be dedicated to our Lord and personal savior Jesus Christ. This is my testimony
I was thinking tonight, as I dialed up my computer, that I don't really say anything about our Lord. I mean, sure, I tell everyone that I go
to a Baptist church, but I realized, that I spend more space on my page writing about my flute, than I do
writing and telling about the Lord Jesus Christ. Well, I just want to start off by telling everyone that I have
not been a Christian all my life. I was not raised in a household that went to church every Sunday, or that
prayed before we ate, or, in fact, prayed at all. The only time I even got close to praying was in the middle
of the night, when I would get scared, that the boogey man or something was going to get me. So I would
pray this little prayer to myself, over and over again till I fell asleep. It wasn't even anything really. All I said
was “Dear Lord, please forgive me for the sins I have committed and please protect me from all evil.” Okay,
that is not much of a prayer, but that is all I did, after a while, the words just started to blend together,
and I had no idea what I was saying, it was just something relaxing to get me to go to sleep. And I knew
there was a God, I believed in Him, I knew Jesus was his son and that he died on the cross for our sins,
but you know what, satan knows that to. I hadn't ever asked the lord into my heart, in fact I didn't even
know I was supposed to. I knew nothing about the Lord, at all. And then, one day, my family moved. I
wasn't sad about this at all.. I didn't like where I lived, I had one friend, I was miserable. Some really bad
things had been happening in my life. Well, right before I moved, all those bad things came out in the
open, and my sister and I were taken away from my mother, and put into foster care. That was the
worst thing that has ever happened to me. It was even worse than the hell I was living with at home. To
be taken away from your mother, especially when you are a momma's girl, is the worst thing that could
happen. I cried and I cried. That was a time when i needed the lord, but I never thought of asking him for
help, or asking him for strength. I just kept slipping farther and farther away. And then, finally, everything
started to get better. My mother, my sister and I were back together. And we moved down to
Tennessee. This is probable the best thing that has ever happened to me. When I moved down here, I
did not believe in God. If you asked me about God, I would be like “God who? There is no God". I was
like this for my entire eighth grade year. That year was also horrible. But not because of family problems so
much, but because I had no friends, I had no one to talk to. I couldn't talk to my sister, I didn't relate to
her at all. She had tons of friends, I had no one, she didn’t understand how miserable I was, or at least that was what I thought. I tried to mold myself into a carbon copy of her, so that I could know her better, and so I
could have her as a friend. Well, by trying to mold myself, I became a worse person. I was never really that
bad of a kid. I didn't do drugs, I didn't have sex or anything like that. But I hated myself. I was miserable. I
remember spending lunch periods in the bathroom, because I hated all the people, and of course, I thought
they hated me. I wanted my life to end. I didn't want to live any more. Time and again, I thought of killing
myself. And I
know, to all my friends, and family, this is a huge shock, how could I, straight A -student, got
every thing together Stephanie, ever even considered killing herself? Well, I did. I remember even coming to the
point of having a knife in my hand, but then I never did it. I just thought I was weak, to afraid of hurting
myself. But I am so glad that I didn't take that knife and end it all.. Well, I have come to the point of the
year after eight grade. I was still miserable, but it was getting a little better. I had one person who was a
true friend, Alyssa, and I had band, and the new friends I was making from that. Most of my friends were Christians, including my boyfriend at that time. How me, someone who claimed there was no god, managed to surround myslef entirely with Christians, I do not know, but I am so thankful I did. I still wasn't a Christian, I
swore, I listened to hard rock music with all sorts of cussing in it. But, for some reason. I started to stop
listening to hard rock, and stop swearing. It wasn't because of Christ, it was just because, I suddenly just didn’t want to anymore Well, I had been going out with this guy, Thomas. I went to church with him a few times.
I remember the first time I went, I hated it so much, I was terrified, I just wanted to get out. I was almost in physical pain. In fact, he
asked me if I wanted to go into another room, because i looked so miserable. I said no, sucked it up, and
stayed to the end. I believe now, the reason I was so hurt and terrified, was that the devil thought he was losing someone, which he was, and he didn’t like that, and I had strong internal conflicts going on. Well, we broke up. I still had no trace of Christ in my life. For about a week, I
went out with someone else, Danny, and he was really great, and he talked to me about Christ, and me
needing Christ in my life. He was one of the first people that got through to me at all. Well, we broke up, I
still wasn't a Christian. For about two months, the only Christian influence I really had was my best friend,
and I wasn't absorbing anything she said. Nothing ever stuck. Well, again, another guy, Clint, came in to my
life. I started going to church with him, because I thought I should. I mean, somewhere, I don’t really remeber where, I had started callin myself a Christian, and I thought I should go to church, after all, that’s what Christians do, right? I
had asked the lord into my heart, but I never ment any of it, anything at all. It was all just a lie. I was
thinking to myself, this is what Christians do, this is what I have to do to get myself into heaven. All along, I wasn’t trying to grow in a relationship with Christ, I was trying to build my way to heaven. That was
my only concern. I was going to church every Sunday, every Wednesday, you would have thought I was a real
Christian, been saved for years, but the truth of the matter was, I wasn't even saved yet. And well,
something finally clicked. I wanted Christ in my heart, and I asked him into it, I mean truly, down on my
knees begging him into my heart. Well, I think he came into my heart. And later on, I went up during the
invitational at my church, and joined my church, and decided to follow our Lord in baptism. I am going through a struggle, though. I am blocking Christ out, I have something blocking my way from loving Him completly. I know about the lord, and I asked him in
my heart, but I can't seem to talk to him, I can't seem to really pray to him, whenever I do, I feel like I am
talking to air. I just don't know what to do. I want the Lord in my heart, I really want him, but I just don’t
know what to do. I am asking everyone for their prayers, because I feel that I really need them, I just don't
know what to do, I beg for your help, please, type to me, send me advice, anything, I need help. When I went
up to get baptized I did feel the lord in my heart, but well, it comes in glimpses, and then I don't feel it, I
don't know what to do. I am back again to add more. Thanks to a very long talk with Clint last night, I am
doing better, I actually feel better. And Clint, even though you don't think you helped at all, you did. You
helped immensely. I think one of the barriers I was facing in my struggle to find Christ, was the fact that I felt
I was lying to people. But now that I am not lying, I feel better. I was practically lying to myself, and I
don't think I would be able to find Christ and trust him, if I was lying to myself. I am by no means totally
knowing Jesus, but I think I am on my way. Again, I have come back to write and tell you how my walk
towards Jesus is going. I feel wonderful!! I have made a gigantic leap, at least it feels that way. I feel so
wonderful, I can barely explain it. I had a talk with someone who is a great Christian influence, and a
wonderful friend ( Christie, hon, I luv you!) and even though we weren't directly talking about my salvation, it
helped so much. I realized I had been being sort of mean, and hateful to some people, and that isn't how a
Christian should act, so I apologized to them, because I felt so bad. Apologizing can be one of the best
things in the world. It really can. Well, that is all I have to say for now.
I got thisa through ways of e-mail.
Hell Is Real
I went into my classroom. Ready for
another
year at school. I didn't want the work, Just wanted to hang and
be
cool. I had on new clothes, New sneaks on my feet. I
was
there for class on time Went to the back and took my seat.
Yeah, I'm moving up. I'm already grown. Soon I'll be
graduating
And out on my own. I talked to some of my friends. We
were
all having fun. Said some things I shouldn't have said, Did
stuff
I
shouldn't have done. I knew I was different. I felt God
touch
my heart. I knew I should set a standard, But then I'd be set
apart. Walking to the bus, I was not looking for strength.
I heard the car tires screeching, But now it's too late. I'm
standing in this room. And I can see the heavenly gate. Oh no! I
never prayed. I thought I had time to get it straight. An
angel walked to me. He had a book in his hand. I knew it was
the
Book of Life. When would this dream end? I told him my
name
And he began to look. Then he looked at me sadly and said
Your
name is not in this book. Angel, this is a dream. No, I
can't
Be dead! He closed the book and turned away. He whispered - You
cannot proceed ahead. No...no this can't be real.Angel,
you
can't turn me away. Let me talk to God. Maybe He'll let me
stay.
He led me to the gate. Jesus came to me, He did not let
me
in but said,Beloved what is your need? Jesus, I cried,
please
Don't cast me away from you. Tears ran down His face as He
said,
You knew what you needed to do. Lord, please I'm young.
I
never thought I would die. I thought I'd have plenty of time.
Death
caught me by surprise. Lord, I went to church. Please
Jesus,
I
believe. He said you would not accept me. My love you would not
receive. Lord, there were too many hypocrites. They
weren't
being true. He took a step back and asked What does that have
to
do
with you? Lord, my family claimed to be saved, They
weren't
real. You know. He said, I died for you. Now I have to go.
I fell to my knees crying to Him. Lord, I planned to be real
tomorrow. I couldn't, make Him understand. I had never -- felt
such
sorrow. Then it hit me hard, I said Lord, where will I go?
He looked into my eyes and said, My child you already know. Please Jesus, I begged > >The place is so hot. > >It seemed to
trouble
and grieve Him. He whispered, DEPART FROM ME, I KNOW YOU NOT.
Lord, you're supposed to be love. How can you send me to
damnation?
He replied, With your mouth you said you loved me, But each
day
you rejected my salvation. With that in an instant, Day
turned
into night. I never knew such torture could be. Now too late, I
know the Bible is right. If I could tell you anything,
Hell
has no age. It is a place of torture, Separated from God and
full
of rage. You know I thought it was funny -- a joke, But
this one thing is true. If you never accept Jesus Christ > >HELL
IS
WAITING FOR YOU!
