Eh doods, welcome back. Endlessly HUGE show lined up for you today. We will be joined by our director/producer and real-life midget hunter, Johnny TT. Also joining us will be Luke the mad scientist and two unhappy midgets!
I once saw a midget.
Ok, first off let's bring out Johnny TT and Luke. Come on out.
How the hell are you guys?
I'm HUGE.
I feel exhilarated.
Anyways, let's talk midgets. First off, where do midgets come from?
Midgets are the product of genetic mutation by scientists who were really bored. It has been theorized that they come from a distant planet. Had they come from another planet we would have found miniature space ships or something.
Fascinating!
Are midgets ill-tempered?
Yes, midgets are extremely violent. Without the enzyme B-8Z midgets go into what we call "Dwarf Rage". When in this rage protect yourself, especially your ankles and knees.
How can I protect myself from these evil midgets?
First of all, always wear knee pads and cowboy boots. Midgets are deathly afraid of large dogs, airplanes, sock puppets and Richard Simmons(aren't we all though). Keep a sock puppet close by, you'll never know when your going to need it.
How can I tell if someone is a midget?
There are a variety of ways to distinguish a normal person from "the evil tiny ones". #1. Midgets love the Macarena, you can be having a conversation about anything and all of a sudden he/she will say, "boy how about that crazy Macarena dance, I could Macarena the whole day" and then they start waving their little appendages around. as if actually doing that funky MC#2. All midgets wear mascara, they believe it gives them sexual powers. If you happen to see someone with really really thick eyelashes their more than likely a midgets or a tramp. #3 Midgets hang out at such places as Chucky Cheese, Circus Circus, Kids World, etc. Look for these signs and you'll be one step ahead in the Human-Midget War. Oh yea, midgets are really little too.
Are there any "good midgets"?
No, all midgets are inherently evil and are bent on the destruction of this planet.
This is all so interesting...now is where the fun begins. Let's bring out the midgets: Rumpus McMillan and Earl Doodyburn.
I'm really strong.
Good for you.
YOU! I've been trying to capture you for 6 months. You have eluded me thus far, but you shall soon perish!
Don't write a check your butt can't cash!
Uh-oh.
EWW! DISSED by a midget!
Come here ya little shit! (Devours Earl Doodyburn)
Holy boners! Johnny TT just ate a midget!
That was the funniest thing I've ever seen!
You killed my friend you BASTARD!
HAHAHAHA (evil laugh)
Settle down, Rumpus. We need to do our show. So Rumpus...are midgets really evil?
No, we are just simple little people and we just want to live simple little lives.
YOU LIE!
Easy Johnny...seems we have a conflict here. Luke, should we cage the midget or let him go?
Where the hell did that come from?
I was just thinking...wouldn't it be cool to have a little midget butler to bring us stuff? Sure, we have Heidi Klum...but a MIDGET!
We are humans, you know. We have rights.
No you don't. Well Luke?
Cage 'em!
NOOO!!!
Sweet. (Puts Rumpus in a cage)
If he's bad, we'll send him over to Johnny TT's Midget Farm. Is that ok Johnny?
Sure thing.
Well, that about concludes our show. Hey, no one died today! Good job guys! Now we got a midget slave. This is awesome! See ya later.