Loyal fans! Please forgive us for that god-awful last episode. If it were in my power to take it back, I would.
Yea, and to make up for it, today we're having the Miss Internet Pagent!
The Miss Internet Pagent will be held between the four girls that have sent me pictures of themselves via the internet. But first, let's bring out today's judges...Russell Apthorp and Bin-Bing Wang!
Hey bootycheeks!
Hi.
Russ, buddy, I know you have experience with internet girls...remember that picture of those girls I put on here when we were freshmen?
Dood! My girlfriend was in that picture!!
Haha...yea, but so was mine.
Oh yea.
Enough chitter-chatter, let's bring out the contestants!
Hello girls and welcome to the show. Before we get things started, let's go around and get everyone's names and where y'all are from...
My name is Samantha, but I go by SAM. I'm from Waxahachie, Texas.
Hi, I'm Sally and I'm from cyber space! (snorts and laughs) Just kidding, I actually live in Albany, New York.
Hello.....my name is Titties Galore and I'm from IWantAndrewsCock, Delaware.
Hummina-hummina.
Greetings friends! My name is Ashley Smith and I'm Sacramento, CA.
(whispering to A.T.)I hope she wins.
Let's start with the talent competition.
(Swings a hula-hoop around her waste) CAMP TOWN LADY SING THAT SONG, DOO-DAH DOO-DAH, CAMPTOWN RACE TRACK FIVE MILES LONG, OH THE DOO-DAH DAY!!!
I give it a 7 for orginality.
My wang could do a hula-hoop better than that....Hmm....4.Next please.
Watch me go! I can type 200 words-a-minute! See, look how fast I typed.
I give that a 9, computer skills are very valuable in today's world.
That was so very gay! I give that a -2 because you are UGLY!!!!Who's up next?
(Starts stripping and gives A.T. a lap dance)When I think about you, I touch myself...
Oh my stars!
No lap dance for me? Then a 3 for you!
That was just too inapropriate....2.
Thank you, Titties.
Final contestant, please.
(In Oppera-voice)Oh Say can you see, by the dawn's early light...
Fine display of nationalism...10!!
You are the finest-lookin woman I have ever seen...15.
What the hell? She is ugly as sin!
Dood, you just want her for yourself!
You're such a tool, Garrett.
Now we will have the swimsuit competition. Girls go change and line on up!
Look at them fine-lookin' females up there. Bin-Bing, shall we go and discuss the winner backstage?
Yes, I think we should.
Well, I know who would get my vote...Titties.
She's ok...but look at Ashley, she FINE!
She's uglier than two old people doin the nasty in a mudpuddle in July.
Pull that one outta your ass just now?
Yea.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner. Garrett, drumroll please.
(drumming)duh-nuh-nuh-nuh
And the winner is...ASHLEY!
Oh my gosh!
Congratulations Ashley, you've won a free trip to Garrett's hotub, compliments of Garrett.
Hey titties, you've won a free trip to come suck my dick.
Ok.
Well, that about wraps up our first annual Miss Internet Pagent. Thanks Russ and Bin-Bing and all of you ladies. Until next time folks...stay HUGE.
(Shouting from backstage)THATS MY LINE, BITCH!
