*Archivist's Note: This isn't really a w/x story, but I loved it so much I had to put it in* :)
Author: Pete
E-mail: deucepm@yahoo.com
Summary: It’s Christmas in Sunnydale, which can only mean one thing...carnage, baby, carnage!
Spoilers: “Listening to Fear.” Takes place between “Listening to Fear” and “Into the Woods.”
Rating: PG-13
Distribution: Rudolph with your nose so bright, host my fanfic at your site! Just ask first, yes?
Feedback: All the Whos down in Whoville like feedback a lot. Me, too.
Disclaimers: All this stuff is copyright Joss Whedon, except the stuff that isn't.
******
“What. The. _Hell_. Is. That?”
Spike had walked home from Buffy’s place, still shuddering from the night’s events. Did vampires still have adrenalin? That’s what it felt like. First, he was nearly busted by Buffy as he mooched pictures from her basement. Then--and this had been almost a relief--the queller demon had jumped them. The thought of it still gave him the creeping horrors. Thing looked like a big grub.
He’d ducked out fairly quickly, right after Riley Potato-Head--speaking of things that looked like grubs--and his Initiative cronies turned up. He still didn’t fancy being in the same time zone as those bastards. After all that, he wanted to relax. Actually, he wanted to kill something, but to him, that _was_ relaxing.
Now, as he stepped into the crypt which, for some reason, he shared with Harmony, he was confronted by a tree in the corner. Harmony was flitting about it, decorating it with tinsel.
“It’s a Christmas tree, silly!” she said, continuing her decorating.
“I know it’s a bloody Christmas tree, Harm. I mean, why is it in my crypt?”
“It’s my crypt, too,” she replied, pouting. “What’s your problem? Don’t you like Christmas?”
“No, no, I liked Christmas...when I was _alive_. And not an unholy servant of pure evil. D’you get what I’m sayin’?”
“Don’t be a Grinch.” She put down the tinsel and picked up a shopping bag. One side was spattered slightly with blood. She reached inside and pulled out a Santa hat. “I got this for you!”
“Get that sodding thing away from me before I make you eat it,” Spike growled.
“Well, if that’s the way you feel...” She reached inside and withdrew a plastic blood pack. “I guess I’ll just have to return this to the blood bank.”
Spike snatched at it, but Harmony was a split second too quick. He snarled, his game face appearing.
“This isn’t the night, Harm.”
“Fine,” she replied with a sigh, and tossed him the blood pack. “Where were you, anyway?”
“Oh, um...I was...Christmas shopping,” he lied. Not his best work.
“Ooooh! Whatcha get me?”
“Well, nothin’ yet,” he said as he opened the blood pack. “I’m just, y’know, lookin’ around, yeah?”
“Mmmm...’ Harmony stepped towards him. “I like jewelry.”
“Really.”
“I like big, shiny jewels.”
“Mmm-hmm.”
“Like the ones in the front window at Belding’s at the Galleria.”
As he sat down, he wanted to groan. This brainless bint was quickly becoming more of a pain in the arse than she was worth.
“If you want, I’ll show them to you tomorrow.”
“Harm--“
“It won’t take long.”
“Harm.”
“Afterward, we can go see Santa--“
“All right, all right! Just be quiet, can’t you?”
“Sure,” she murmured, cuddling up next to him as he drank. Spike figured it would be five minutes tops before she was babbling again. He decided to use the time to quietly contemplate life. And what Buffy Summers looked like naked.
***
The door to the Magic Box opened, and four sets of eyes raised from books. Willow, Tara, Xander and Anya looked at Giles expectantly.
“Anything?” Willow asked.
“She’s still waiting,” Giles replied, sitting down wearily. The table was covered in tomes even more arcane than the usual selection; Giles had broken out his oldest and dustiest stuff in the hopes that something about Glory would be found inside one of them. There had been no luck so far, and the fact that Buffy’s mother, Joyce, was waiting to go into brain surgery that very moment wasn’t helping the Scoobies concentrate on their research. “I don’t suppose...”
“Nothing on Glory,” Willow replied. “It looks like Tara was right; she’s older than language.”
“And stronger than dirt,” Xander added.
“And more boring than watching flesh decompose,” Anya muttered.
“Anybody got some Visine?” Tara asked, rubbing her eyes.
‘Behind the counter,” Giles sighed. Tara got up to look for it. “You should take a break. We’re getting nowhere.”
“Well, we’re not just researching,” Willow said. “We’re waiting for word on Mrs. Summers. This is more of a distraction, really.”
“I can’t find it,” Tara said. “Xander, could you help me find it?”
“I think it’s next to the cash register,” Xander said.
“Could you come back here and help me find it?”
Xander turned and looked at her; Tara was doing her best to make subtle come-here motions. They weren’t the most subtle he’d ever seen.
“Okay,” he said. “I will get up. And help Tara find the Visine. Slowly. Without making any sudden moves.”
“You could all use a night out,” Giles continued.
“Get some Chri--“ Willow caught his eye. “Get some _holiday_ shopping done.”
“Which one?” Anya asked. “That one with the turkey again? I thought we just had that one.”
“No no no,” Willow said. “It’s...uh...to be honest, I’m not sure which one you should be celebrating. There’s Chanukah, Christmas, Kwanzaa... Which one did you do last year?”
“I don’t know. I remember all of Xander’s relatives coming over, and then having sex with him in the backyard...”
***
“Here it is.” Xander stepped behind the counter and picked up the bottle of Visine. “It’s right out in the open! How could you not see--“
“Xander, I need help,” Tara said.
“If you can’t spot something this obvious, then yeah.”
“Chanukah’s coming.”
“Right.” He waited. “And...”
“And...” She squirmed. “I don’t know anything about Chanukah.”
“Uh...how is that possible?”
“Because my father thinks the Jews are plotting to control the world,” Tara said, embarassed. “He’s full of fun stuff like that. He t-told me that if he ever caught me t-talking to a Jew, he’d...” She trailed off.
“Charming guy,” Xander muttered. “Didn’t Willow explain any of this stuff to you?”
“No!” Tara whispered. “You know what she’s like! She keeps telling me I don’t have to do anything special, but I know she’s going to get me something! And she keeps getting calls from her mother asking if she’s coming to dinner, and, and what if I have to g-go? What if they quiz me?!”
“Whoa, whoa,” Xander said. “Deep breaths. Okay...if they’re going to be busy for a little while, maybe I can explain some of this stuff to you. First of all, you’ve got two options. You can get her one big thing or eight little things."
“Eight?”
“Yeah. It’s eight days long.”
Tara’s eyes widened with horror.
“It’s okay,” Xander said hurriedly. “It’s not like a Christmas dinner that goes on for eight days straight. You get in, you light a candle, you take off ‘til the next day.”
“Oh. That’s a relief.” Tara blinked. “Candle?”
***
“...so you see,” Willow was finishing, “it’s all about what you believe deep down inside. If you want, I can show you a bunch of books. My dad has a lot of stuff on this. Also, the college has a really huge section in the library on world religions and celebrations and--“
“Xander?” Anya called out.
“Yeah?”
“Do you celebrate Christmas or Chanukah?”
“Christmas.”
“Okay.” She turned back to Willow. “Christmas it is.”
Willow stared at her.
“You’re basing your religious holiday on what your boyfriend thinks?”
“Uh...well, yes. Plus, Christmas is the one with all the cartoons, right? I really liked that one with the little round-headed kid who buys that tiny little tree, and all the pine needles come off, and--“
Willow closed her eyes and counted to ten. When she opened them, Anya was still there. She sighed. A year and a half, and that trick still didn’t work.
“Fine. Whatever,” Willow said with a sigh. “Although I would have thought that this would have come up when Xander gave you your Christmas present last year.”
“Oh, he didn’t have enough money for a Christmas present last year,” Anya said. “That’s why he’s gonna get me something really good this year!”
“Really? He got me a Chanukah present last--“ Willow stopped herself just in time. “You know what? I’m thinking of the year before that.”
Giles, who had sidled away halfway through Willow’s discourse on Judeo-Christian factions, returned to the table.
“I’m afraid Mrs. Summers is still waiting to go into surgery,” he said. “Look, honestly, go take a rest. I’ll be fine here alone for the rest of the evening.”
“Really?” Anya asked. “Do I still get paid?”
“Great,” Xander said, jumping in before Giles could respond. “I need to get a little shopping done myself. How about you, Tara?”
“What? Me? Uh...y-yes?”
“Great,” Willow said with a sigh. “Gee, maybe they’ll be playing Christmas music, ‘cause gosh, I haven’t heard any of that in a while.”
***
The costume store was closed down, and had been since the end of October. The owner had planned to turn it into a swimsuit outlet in November, but never followed through on this plan, owing to the fact that several vampires had attacked him and drunk all of his blood. Now, they were using the place as a den.
As dens went, it wasn’t the best, and they knew it. The vamps slouched around, waiting for their leader to return. The lack of moss, mildew or rats troubled them. One of them, Jeffy by name, idly flipped playing cards into a hat.
When the door opened, they all tensed...then relaxed as Bil strolled in. He was tall and thin, and had forsaken the traditional vampire uniform of black leather for a charcoal grey suit. He also wore thick spectacles, behind which his eyes were barely visible. Beside him stood his consort, an actress-skinny thing called Thel.
“You’ll never believe what happened,” she said as she walked in. “Some farmboy actually offered me money to drink his blood. Honestly! Can you imagine?”
“Yeah?” Roy asked. He was short and brown-skinned, with cruel eyes. “You do it?”
“Of course not,” Thel said haughtily. “Getting paid for feeding would just be...well, that’s just _weird_. I steered him towards that fanghouse downtown.”
“We’re hungry,” Jeffy said. Beside him, his vampire siblings, Doll and Little Billy, nodded slowly. “We wanna feed.”
“Of course you do,” Bil said smoothly. “Don’t worry, kids...we’re going out to eat tonight. I know where there’ll be plenty to eat tonight...and plenty of nice things for us to take.”
“Where we goin’?” Doll asked.
“We’re going to see Santa,” Bil said. His smile failed to reach his blank eyes.
***
“...okay,” Xander said as he walked beside Tara. Up ahead, Willow was squirming as Anya babbled at her. “So...okay, there were these guys, the, uh...the Maccabees, right? And they were fighting to take this city.”
“What city?” Tara asked.
“...Jericho?” Xander tried.
“Okay.”
“And...there was a really huge battle. I think. No, there was, with this guy...uh...something the Fourth. Antioxidus the Fourth. And when they got into the city, they needed to light a lamp.”
“Why?”
“Because it was dark.”
“You don’t know, do you?”
“Wait, I know this bit for sure. There was only enough oil to light the lamp for one night, but despite that, the lamp kept burning for eight nights straight. And now that’s the eight nights of Chanukah.”
Tara looked at him.
“That’s it?”
“What, like finding a kid in a barn is more impressive than that?”
“You’d think they’d have, I dunno, TV specials about it every once in a while,” Tara said. “I don’t remember _A Charlie Brown Chanukah_.”
“Which they could have done, you know. ‘Cause Schroeder was Jewish.”
“Really.”
“Not a lot of people know that,” Xander said seriously.
***
Cold is all she knows.
The thatched roof of the hovel does little to protect her and the family from the cold. In the fireplace, the fire barely flickers beneath the cooking-pot. Next to it, her father sits, whittling something. She knows better than to ask what it is. Father hates questions. When she asks questions, she gets hit. That’s how it works.
Her mother walks over to the pot and stirs it. She offers a taste to Father; he grunts, which is all the approval she needs. She calls them all to the table.
She sits between her two brothers with whom she has been trying not to fight. One of them reaches out and yanks on her braid, hard. Before she can stop herself, she cries out in pain.
Her eyes immediately go to her father, who glowers at her, angry.
“Father Christmas doesn’t bring presents to bad little girls.”
She says nothing. Her brother giggles maliciously next to her. As she eats her stew, she knows that the next morning, she will find nothing at all in her stocking. Not even coal.
She looks at her father and her brothers, and hates them.
***
Willow looked at Anya as they walked. She was curious as to what could make the former vengeance demon silent for this long.
“So,” she said. “Thought about what you want for Christmas?”
“Hm?” Anya turned to her, confused. “Sorry, did you say something?”
“I said, did you give Xander any ideas for what to get you for Christmas?”
“Uh...no.” She blinked. “I was just remembering...I never got any presents.”
That gave Willow a moment’s pause. Even Anya couldn’t have been that bad. “What, never?”
“Nope.” She shrugged. “It’s hard to remember sometimes...I mean, it was 1100 years ago. I think my dad didn’t want any girls. And my brothers didn’t want any sisters. And my mother...”
They walked in silence for a few moments.
“I think she did it on a Christmas, actually,” Anya said conversationally. “I remember the night before...my father came home drunk, as usual, and it was the usual thing. Dad tries to get inside Mom’s legs, Mom protests, Dad beats Mom to a bloody pulp. I guess it was just one time too many for her. Good thing for her the river hadn’t iced over yet.”
Willow stared in shock.
“That’s kind of what got me into vengeance in the first place, actually. Mom wasn’t in the ground a month before he’d found some floozy from the village and bullied her into matrimony.” She smiled slightly. “He regretted that. So did my brothers. So did most of the men in the village.”
“Anya...”
Anya looked at Willow and smirked. “Oh, please. It was a millennium ago! I’m over it. So, uh...so I can ask Xander for specific things, huh?”
***
“Mmmm,” Harmony said as they walked through the Galleria’s doors. “Doesn’t it feel all Christmasy in here?”
“Smells like Pine-Sol,” Spike muttered.
“Fine, Mr. Gloomy Gus. Let’s just go look at the diamonds.”
“Diamonds? You never said anything about diamonds!”
“Spiiiiiike...”
“Fine!” Spike barked. They walked through the crowded mall, not bothering to get out of anyone’s way, which caused a couple of flare-ups from the chip. “Bloody holidays...all I ever got from me mum was stationery. Worst part is, before I got vamped, I thought that was a pretty spiffy gift.”
“I got a pony once!” Harmony said. “Oooh, stationery, that reminds me. I should send a Christmas card to my mom.”
“Who thinks you’re dead.”
Harmony considered that.
“Maybe a Secret Santa thing?”
“Oh, bloody hell.” A crowd of people, assembled around the center of the Galleria, were beginning to clog the aisles. “What’s all this?” He grabbed a passerby. “Oi, squire, what’s happening?”
“The giveaway’s starting in a few minutes!” the excited passerby replied. “I _gotta_ get one of these things!”
***
“...and that’s how to win big money with the dreidel,” Xander was saying as they walked through the Galleria doors. “’Course, I could never get Will to go along with my Strip Dreidel idea.”
“Hmm,” Tara said, considering that. She checked to make sure Willow was still out of earshot. “So what did you get her last year?”
“Uhhh...some book. She likes that Neil Gaiman guy.”
Tara frowned. “She’s got ‘em all, though. So you g-got her one gift and not eight?”
“Yyyyeah,” Xander said, looking slightly uncomfortable. “I was a little broke last year. Of course, this year, now that I’m working, I can get--“
“Jewelry,” Anya said, walking up to them.
“--whuh?”
“I’ve been thinking it over and I want jewelry,” Anya continued. “Or a car. Or really expensive audiovisual equipment.”
“Uh...why?”
“Because those are the sorts of things boyfriends get their girlfriends on Christmas. I’ve been asking your little friend about it, and she was telling me--“
“Oh, she _was_, was she?” Xander glared at Tara.
“Oh, l-look,” Tara murmured. “There’s Willow with no one to talk to. I’ll be right back...” She moved away rather quickly as Anya continued.
“Well, I think what she actually said was that the best presents are given from the heart. I’m just interpreting it in my own way.”
“An, you--“ Xander stopped as a group of people pushed their way past. The man at the front of the pack turned back briefly. The three Scoobies shuddered; the man’s eyes looked blank behind his glasses. Xander shook his head and continued. “As I was saying...I’m gonna get you something nice, don’t worry about that. But I can’t afford a car, or really expensive stuff, or jewelry. At least good jewelry.”
“But you’ve got a job now!”
“Yeah, so do you! But you can’t get me a car!”
“Don’t be silly. You’ve already got a car. I was thinking of getting you some shoes instead.”
“Shoes? What kinda present is that?”
“You need some new shoes.”
“What are you, my mom?”
“Hey, guys,” Willow said, interrupting. “Uh...you might want to see this.”
***
“Annnd...smile!”
Harmony beamed as she sat on Santa’s lap. Santa was grinning perhaps a big more widely than usual. Outside the fenced-off picture area, Spike was rubbing his eyes tiredly. It was probably too much to ask that there was anyplace in this bloody fluorescent purgatory where he could get a drink.
It didn’t help his mood at all when one of Santa’s elves, a girl just past high school, bumped into him.
“Oh, excuse me! Um...is your ladyfriend almost done? We’re going to close up in a few minutes for the giveaway.”
“Yeah, she’s sorted. Look, what’s this giveaway?”
“You haven’t heard?” She began fiddling with the camera. “They’re giving away something like twenty PS2s tonight.”
“Ah.” Brief pause. Then his eyes tried to bug out of his head. “_Twenty PS2s?!_”
“Yeah! It’s that software guy, you know, the one who still has a summer house here? They’re gonna start any minute now.” She pulled the developed picture out of the camera and frowned. “That’s weird. This must be a picture from earlier. I can’t see your girlfriend anywhere.”
“Harm!” Spike cried out, snatching the picture from the elf’s hand. “Come on! I think I just found a way to get those diamonds!”
***
“Did she just kiss Santa on the cheek?” Tara asked. They were watching a short distance away as Spike dragged a protesting Harmony away from Santa’s Village.
“Looks like,” Willow said. “Figures. Even the vampires are all Christmasy. I mean, look at this place. Would it kill them to, I don’t know, set up a little place where you could buy latkes?”
“It’s a damn shame,” Xander said, his eyes not leaving Spike and Harmony. “Hey, they’re going over by that truck...”
The truck was an enormous red pickup, festooned with holiday decorations. The back was stuffed fat with toys, and a Marine in full dress uniform stood at attention next to the truck.
“I know toys are expensive, but that seems a bit much,” Anya said.
“It’s just for show,” Tara explained. “The Marines run the whole Toys for Tots operation.”
“Toys for what?”
“Tots,” Xander said. “You know, infinks. Bambinos. Young’uns.”
“Children,” Willow said, translating from the Xanderese.
“Oh,” Anya said. “But don’t the tots get toys from their parents?”
“Well...not all of them. Sometimes, their parents don’t have enough money to buy toys. And some kids don’t have any parents.”
“So...the little kids don’t get any toys? On _Christmas_?!”
“Uh...no, some of them don’t.”
Anya’s face was half-drained of color. She looked like she was about to cry.
“That’s terrible!”
“Yeah, but An, it’s okay,” Xander said. “See, people buy toys and give ‘em to the Marines and then they get to the kids.”
“Oh.” Anya thought for a moment. “Then we need to go buy toys. Come on!”
She turned, walked a few steps, then turned back when she realized she was alone.
“You guys! We need to buy toys! Come on!”
“Uh...yeah, but there’s the whole Spike-and-Harmony thing too,” Tara said.
“But we don’t _all_ need to do that, do we? You two go stake them or something. Come on, Xander--“
“We don’t have any stakes, and don’t tell us what to do,” Willow said a bit coldly.
“Okay, okay...” Xander jumped in. “Tell you what. Willow and I can pretty much handle keeping an eye on those two. Tara, why don’t you and An go shop for a bit.”
“Um...” Tara looked to Willow, who nodded her assent. “Okay, if you’re sure.”
They watched the two girls walk off into the crowd, then turned back to Spike and Harmony, who were still talking by the truck.
“I think I liked her better when she didn’t have emotions,” Willow said.
“Don’t start,” Xander replied.
“What’s it say on that sign?” Willow squinted. “Giving away...” Her eyes widened. “Whoa. PlayStations.”
“So?” Xander asked. Willow stared at him for a long moment. “Wait, you mean the new ones? The kind that...”
“...that people are selling for hundreds of dollars on eBay, yeah.”
“Well, what are we waiting for?!” Xander said. “Come on! Let’s go try and get one! I heard this thing’s so advanced, Lara Croft comes out and gives you a back rub while you play!”
“Xander! Vampires? Spike? Harmony?”
“I know, but...” He fidgeted a bit. “I really really want one!”
“We can’t.” She looked at the vampires. “What are they up to?”
***
“Okay,” Spike said. “So you’ve got the plan, right?”
“I think so,” Harmony said. “I distract the Marine guy with my feminine wiles...”
Somehow, Spike managed not to roll his eyes.
“...while you hotwire the truck. Then we drive out of here...”
“...sell those beauties at a fat profit...”
“...and have a merry Christmas!”
“Right,” Spike said. “So...go to it.”
“Okay.” She took a deep, if unnecessary, breath. “Spikey?”
“What?”
“How do I use my feminine wiles?”
“Oh, bloody--come on to him! Act sexy!” He reached out and undid the top two buttons on her sweater. “There, that’s half the job done.”
“Spike!”
“Just go to it, can’t you?”
***
Anya peered at the row of teddy bears curiously.
“So which of these would inspire the most joy in a small child?”
“I have no idea,” Tara said. “This one with the hat is kinda cute...”
“Yes, but this firefighter bear teaches the child fire safety.”
Tara watched Anya take two of the teddy bears off the toy store’s shelf and check the heft of each one.
“I didn’t know you liked kids,” she finally said.
“I...” Anya was silent for a moment. “Children should get toys on Christmas.”
“Well, y’know, it’s about more than toys, Anya.”
“Yes, I know, I know, but...when you’re a child, you don’t understand what you’re celebrating. You don’t know why you get better food for a day or why you hang stockings up by the fire. All you know is, your brothers get new toys and you don’t get any, and you feel like...” She paused. “Maybe that was just me.”
Tara picked up one of the teddy bears and looked at it wistfully.
“I remember a couple of years ago...my dad caught me kissing Darlene Simmons in my room. That was...we were both still confused about everything, and...it was right before Christmas. He locked me in my room all day. Told me he was ashamed to be my father.”
The two girls were quiet.
“I think I’ll buy one of these too,” Tara said.
“Just one?”
***
“Booooored,” Doll said, shaking her head back and forth, her ponytail swaying to and fro. “Bored bored bored.”
The vampire “family” was seated at a table in the food court, watching the truck intently. Bil glared at his “daughter” sternly.
“Be patient,” he said. “Any minute now, they’re going to start the giveaway.”
“I’m hungry,” Little Billy whined.
“When the giveaway starts,” Bil said patiently, “we’ll rush the truck. We’ll drive it out, right through that entrance. Then, we’ll sell the merchandise. We’ll have enough money for a decent crypt.”
“This is stupid,” Roy muttered. “If money’s the problem, why don’t we just go to a bank and kill all the tellers?”
“Because,” Thel said coolly, “we don’t want the Slayer breathing down our necks. If we just steal the truck, they’ll think it’s a simple robbery.”
“Jeffy keeps touching me!” Doll yelled.
“Did not!”
“Did too!”
Bil snarled, his game face appearing for a moment. It was enough to quiet down the younger vampires.
“Be patient,” Bil repeated. “It’s almost time.”
“Hold it,” Roy said. “What’s that guy doing?”
***
The Marine looked like he was just out of basic; he was Latino, tall and gangly, with a face not quite acne-free. His eyes did not seem to rest on Harmony as she approached.
“Hi!” Harmony said brightly.
“Evening, ma’am,” he replied.
Harmony smiled and struck what she believed to be a sexy pose. She arched her back, thrusting her breasts farther out than they were meant to go.
“Are you all right, ma’am?” the Marine asked.
“Oh, yes,” she replied. “I was just stretching my back. And letting you have a better look at my boobs. Because I like it when men look at them. My boobs, that is.”
The Marine did not have an immediate response for that.
“Boy, I sure do like sex!” Harmony continued. “Don’t you? I could just do it all night.” She stepped closer to the boy. “And I love a man in uniform.”
“I, uh...I’m on duty, ma’am,” the Marine said.
“Oh, is that so, Private...” She looked at his name tag. “Vasquez? Because I think you’ve got a duty to do, all right. To me. As a woman. Who wants to have sex.”
“Uh...well, I guess maybe--“ He stopped as the truck’s engine came to life. “What the hell--“
***
“--is he doing?!” Xander cried.
“He’s taking the truck!” Willow said. The two of them began running towards the truck.
“That little creep!” Xander yelled as he ran. “I can’t believe he’s--“
***
“--trying to steal the toys!” Anya cried. She and Tara were on the second level of the Galleria. They were at the railing, directly over the truck. Tara carried a bag full of toys, while Anya carried an enormous, life-size teddy bear.
“Come on!” Tara said. “We’ve got to get down there!”
“That’ll take too long!” Anya said. She looked at the truck; the flatbed was some twenty feet below, and full of toys.
“Anya...” Tara warned as Anya began to climb the railing. “Anya, you can’t--“
“We have to save the toys,” Anya said simply. She hauled herself over the railing and reached back for the teddy bear. With a loud cry--
***
--Roy charged the truck. He grabbed the door handle and yanked; the entire door was torn off. Spike, who had just gotten into a sitting position, looked at him, shocked.
“Oi!” he cried. “Clear off, you! This is my heist!”
“It _was_ your heist, limey,” Roy snarled. He reached out and grabbed Spike by the shirt front and hauled him out of the truck, tossing him away.
“Hey!” Harmony leapt onto the hood of the truck and glared at Roy. “Nobody does that to my Spikey!” Her game face appeared, and she roared at Roy. The crowd around the truck ran away, screaming.
“You gotta be kidding,” Roy said. “Beat it, bimbo. This is our OWWWW!”
Suddenly, Spike was behind him, grabbing a fistful of Roy’s hair. He hauled the other vampire backward viciously.
“You got a lotta nerve tryin’ this alone, mate.”
“Who says I’m alone?” Roy barked. Spike tried to reply, but was distracted by a blow to the back of the head. He released Roy, whirling towards his new attacker, Bil.
“Thel, get in the truck” he yelled as he kicked at Spike. “The rest of you, clear a path!”
As Bil and Spike traded blows, Thel ducked through the confusion and got into the still-running truck. Just as she put it into drive, something heavy landed in the flatbed...
***
Willow and Xander fought their way through the panicking crowd. They were almost there when the truck went careening forward, headed right for them.
“Look out!” Willow cried, pushing Xander and herself backward. They fell to the ground in a heap; the truck barely missed them.
“Are you all right?” Willow asked.
“Fine. Thanks.” In the background, there was a vicious crash as the truck slammed through the doors. He looked around. Spike and Harmony were trading blows with a couple of vamps; Xander recognized them as the people who had bumped into him. Next to the sign, the Marine was about to become a snack for three short vamps.
Vasquez had his sidearm out; it wasn’t loaded and he had no ammunition, but he kept pulling the trigger, blind panic the only thing moving him now. Around him, Doll, Jeffy and Little Billy were approaching.
“He’s too skinny,” Jeffy whined. “Not enough for all of us.”
“There’s more,” Doll said. “Lots more. All of them.”
“Bil won’t like it,” Little Billy muttered.
“Don’t care.”
“Oh God Oh God Oh God Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with thee blessed art thou among women--“
Vasquez’s prayer was cut off by Willow and Xander’s attack. With no stakes and no real weapons, they were forced to resort to the only fighting technique they knew; basically, to jump on an opponent’s back and hit them in the head until they fell down.
***
“OW!” Harmony cried. Roy’s blow sent her to the ground, clutching at her cheek. “That HURT, you big jerk!”
“Damn right it hurt!” Roy growled. “And this next one’s gonna--OOOFFF!”
Spike, who was still battling Bil, took a moment out of his busy fighting schedule to kick Roy in the back of the head.
“Watch it, mate,” he growled as he ducked one of Bil’s fists. “Only one that gets to hurt her is me.”
“Awww, thanks, sweetie!”
“I know you, don’t I?” Bil said conversationally.
“Don’t think so.”
“Yes, I do,” Bil said. “You’re the Slayer’s pet.”
Spike actually stopped dead for a moment at that.
“I’m nobody’s _pet_, four-eyes.”
“The one that hunts vampires.” Bil grinned. “The eunuch.”
Spike howled, enraged, and charged Bil...
***
Tara bounded down the escalator and saw what was happening; Willow and Xander, outnumbered and not doing well. She looked around for weapons. Steel chairs, steel tables, plastic trays, the Christmas tree--the Christmas tree?”
“Go for the eyes!” Xander screamed.
“I’m trying!” Willow screamed back. She had her hands latched onto Jeffy’s ears and was pulling as hard as she could. Xander was pummeling Little Billy’s head. Meanwhile, Doll was advancing on Vasquez.
“Good,” she was saying. “More for me.”
“You--you don’t scare me,” Vasquez whimpered, doing his best to make the Marines proud.
“Don’t I?” She bared her fangs. “We’ll fix that--“
“AHHHHH!” Tara came running from behind, a broken-off tree branch like a lance in her hand. She drove it into Doll’s back, the point was just sharp enough to penetrate. Doll screamed and, a moment later, collapsed into dust.
“Oh God,” Vasquez said. “What--what--“
“Never mind!” Tara said. She was about to turn back to the other when she noticed the Marine’s dress sword. She reached forward and grabbed it. “Gimme that!”
“Tara!” Willow cried.
Tara lashed out with the sword, swiping at Jeffy’s legs viciously. As the vampire fell, screaming, she turned and threw the branch to Xander, who caught it. He brought the branch around and plunged it into Little Billy’s chest; Billy dusted, and Xander fell to the ground, coughing.
When Jeffy fell, Willow rolled off the vampire, giving Tara room to make a swing. She reached back...
“Not fair,” Jeffy whined, just before the sword blade dashed his head from his shoulders, and he too was consigned to dust.
“Are you all right?” Tara asked.
“Yeah! Fine! That was...wow! Whoa! You really...wow!”
Tara blushed deeply and walked over to her.
“Well, I...you know, I thought you were gonna get h-hurt.”
“Oh, I’m...wait a minute, what about the other vamps?”
They turned. Xander had thrown the branch to Harmony, who stuck Roy through the chest with it. Meanwhile, Spike had Bil’s head in his hands, and was twisting it viciously left to right.
“AHHHHH!” Bil screamed. “For God’s sake, don’t!”
Spike twisted the head suddenly, and with all his might, pulled it from Bil’s body. Both exploded into dust.
Spike wiped his hands free of dust and looked up, realizing everyone was staring at him.
“Shouldn’t have called me that,” he muttered.
“What the hell were you thinking?!” Xander yelled. “Stealing toys, facryinoutloud!”
“Hey, we just wanted the PlayStations is all,” Spike said. “’snot my fault someone else had the same idea.”
“The PlayStations,” Willow said. “The truck!”
“Anya!” Tara cried.
“What about Anya? Where is she?”
***
Anya was groaning as she sat up. When she’d leapt into the flatbed, she’d twisted around so that the huge teddy bear had cushioned most of her fall, but it still knocked the wind out of her.
She looked around; the truck was still in the Galleria parking lot. Wincing and aching, she crawled towards the truck cab and pounded on the window.
“HEY!” she cried over the wind. “PULL OVER!”
Thel looked back at her through the window and sneered. Anya muttered something under her breath and started looking through the pile of toys. Barbie dolls, stuffed animals, a baseball bat...
“Merry Christmas!” she cried as she picked it up. She wound up and slammed the bat into the cab’s rear window. Thel looked at her, shocked. “I said pull over!”
“Get out!” Thel screamed. “This is ours!”
“Don’t think so,” Anya said, and started poking at her with the bat through the shattered window. Poking rather hard, actually. “Pull over, toy thief!”
Snarling, the vampire grabbed the bat and yanked on it; Anya was carried forward, half in and half out of the cab. Thel grabbed her by the back of the neck.
“I wonder what you’ll taste like,” the vampire growled as she bared her fangs.
“Yeah?” Anya grabbed the wheel. “And I wonder what the pavement’ll taste like.” She twisted the wheel viciously to the left; the two of them screamed as the truck skidded. Thel tried to twist the wheel out of her grasp, but Anya refused to let go; in a moment, they were headed back the same way they’d came.
The truck weaved through the shattered remains of the entrance; it dashed towards the food court. Finally, Anya made one more twist; the truck skidded to the left again, and this time, it tipped over.
Squealing against the floor, the truck slowly came to a half about twenty feet from where it had left. It shook inside as the two women struggled.
Xander rushed towards the truck and climbed on top, yanking the door open. He looked down; Anya was lying there, covered in dust, a jagged half of a baseball bat in her hand.
“Hi,” she said. “I think we need to replace this.”
***
Xander carried the Big Gulp over to Anya, who was being tended to by an emergency medical technician.
“You sure you’re okay?” he asked.
“Fine,” Anya replied. “Well, as fine as I can be in this stupid mortal body. Boy, if I had my powers, I would have kicked her ass.”
“An, you _did_ kick her ass.”
“Oh.” She grinned. “Yeah, I guess I did.”
“So who was that guy who came over and talked to you?”
“Oh, that was the guy who owned the truck,” she said. “He just wanted to thank me for getting the toys back.”
“Really? That was nice of him.”
“And he gave me this,” she said, picking up a box that had been lying next to her. “What’s a PS2?”
Xander stared a moment. He goggled reverently. “He...he gave you that?”
“Uh huh. Then he had to go. Something about somebody shattering the glass at Belding’s and taking some diamonds. What is this thing, anyway?”
“The stuff that dreams are made of, An.”
***
When they returned to the Magic Box, there was a note from Giles waiting for them; Mrs. Summers was in surgery. Willow and Xander immediately took off to stand watch, leaving Anya and Tara to rest.
“How’s your head?” Tara asked.
“It hurts. It really hurts a lot. I don’t like it.”
“That was really brave. What you d-did.”
Anya looked at Tara and shrugged.
“Kids should have toys at Christmas.”
Tara smiled and took a sip of her tea.
“Still, it was pretty brave, wasn’t it?” Anya continued.
“Yeah.”
“I mean...in a sense, you could say that I saved Christmas.”
“I wouldn’t go quite that--“
“Anya, The Girl That Saved Christmas. D’you have a pen? I want to write this down.”
“Here,” Tara said. She stood and stretched. “I gotta get some sleep. I’ve got a long day of more shopping tomorrow. G’night.”
“Night.”
“Merry Christmas, Anya.”
“Merry Christmas, Tara.”