E-mail: brainysmurf16@hotmail.com
Rating: PG
Summary: Willow deals with a loss
Feedback: Is anyone REALLY going to ever say no to this?
Disclamer: If I owned them, I'd be Joss.
Notes: Dialog is flashback
Special Note to W/X list: Ok, it was late, I had just read some Truman Capote (the man will warp you're mind), and it seemed like a good idea at the time. Anyway, Christine told me to post it, so if you hate it, flame her.
Archivist's Note: Lol, like Regina said, aim flames towards me if you feel the need. :P
******
“I’m wet,” was the first conscious thought that entered her head. “Why am I wet?” She touched the back of her head, was horrified for a moment when she felt blood, then realized it was just the dew. Dew. That’s why she was wet.
***
“Willow ... Willow, come on, it won’t hurt anything, I just want to see you again. That’s all, just to see you. . .”
***
She remembered walking, out of her dorm, down the sidewalk, toward town. But that was it. That’s how it always was, then parts would come floating back, like whispers from a dream. Chocolate eyes; or were they coffee? She never could decide. She supposed she should settle on coffee, because it was his lips that were chocolate.
***
“I’m glad you came.”
“I can’t keep doing this.”
“Yes you can, you have to. I can’t be without you. You can’t be without me either. You know that, we’re soul mates. Destined.”
***
Her head hurt. It always did afterwards. She sat up groggily in the wet grass; feeling lost for a moment, as she looked at the sea of grass that surrounded her. She tried to stand, but fell back to the ground as a wave of dizziness overtook her. Lying on her back looking at the night sky, she thought of trying to count the stars, but doubted she could ever finish.
***
“They’re beautiful you know.”
“I know.”
“They’re even better up there. You can touch them. I wanted to bring you one, but it would have died.”
“I didn’t know stars were alive.”
“Everything’s alive.”
***
She wasn’t. She hadn’t been alive for a long time, not since he’d left her. She’d died that very night. It was just no one had realized it yet. They were starting too, though. The hushed whispers and shadowed glances were growing more and more frequent. But none of it mattered. She lived for a little while, while she was with him.
***
“Why can’t you come back to me?”
“I tried.”
“I know. I know you did.”
“You tried.”
“I got this.”
“Isn’t this better than nothing?”
“Sometimes.”
***
She tried again to get up, and managed to get to her feet this time. This didn’t make sense; she shouldn’t be so weak. It always hurt, on so many levels, but she had never been so weak. It wasn’t that strong of a spell, it was self contained, affecting him more than her.
***
“I’m sorry. That I couldn’t come back.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“I love you. I do, Willow; I’ve never really loved anyone else. You’re it for me.”
“I love you too you know.”
“I know. Let me touch you, please? I can’t not Willow, I try, but I can’t not touch you.”
“You’re not supposed to. I have to touch you.”
“That’s not the same.”
“You know what happens.”
“So do you. Just tell me not to.”
“I can’t”
***
It hit her then. All of it. What had happened, what she’d done, why she was here. She couldn’t understand why she hadn’t remembered all the other times. She had done the spell to get him back, but she thought she’d failed. Until he had come to her. The first time was a dream, his voice getting through before his form did, appearing like smoke in her mind. He had told her he’d come to her, and he had. They would walk in the field. She could be with him, hold him. But he couldn’t touch her; it would be too much.
***
“Willow?” His voice was pleading.
“Xander, please . . .”
***
He had touched her then. She remembered now. He had touched her and she’d exploded. They had come together; mind, body and spirit. He’d made to love to her with nothing but a touch, broken her down with a kiss; saved her, killed her, and resurrected her with a breath. They had come together, in every way imaginable. It was all in the course of a second. When he’d let go of her she’d fallen, it had all been too much.
***
“Rest, I’ll come back.“
“Always?“
“Forever.“
***
Then she’d touched alabaster flesh that seemed to sear her hand, and faded into unconsciousness.
She could walk now, though, and she began to take unsteady steps towards home, torn between wanting to return and wanting to stay here forever. She would have to make a choice soon; this couldn’t go on forever. She was fading into him more and more every time and someday soon it was going to be too late. She was going to fall into him and never come back. Right now thought, she couldn’t decide if that was a bad thing or not. If it was better to live without him, or die with him.