E-mail: deucepm@yahoo.com
******
"Frank, the engine was burning." Xander rolled his eyes as he listened to the owner of Forrester's Ice Cream rant over the pay phone. Rain poured down over him. Behind him, on the side of the road, his ice cream truck sat dormant, smoke rising from beneath the hood. "Frank--Frank! When I say burning, I mean actually on fire, all right? If I drive this thing to a garage, it will explode, leaving you with a dead employee and no truck." Beat. "Hilarious, Frank. Just send a tow truck, all right?" Beat. "Of course the freezer's still working." Beat. "Because it's pouring rain out here, all right? Nobody buys ice cream on a cold rainy day!" Beat. "Fine. I'll stay with the truck." Beat. "Couple of hours?! Fine, fine. Okay. See ya."
He slammed down the phone and hustled towards the truck. Climbing inside, he pulled off the remains of his paper hat.
God, he was tired. Not merely tired of being fate's whipping boy, ice cream server to the rotten infants of Sunnydale, and all around lord of the chimps...this was actual physical fatigue.
He leaned the seat back until he was in a reclining position. So it had come to this. Sleeping in an ice cream truck. If his guidance counselor could see him now, he'd probably be saying something like "Told you so." Then again, his guidance counselor had been torn apart by a tribe of vampires while a gigantic snake rampaged in the background, so what did that guy know about anything?
As he settled back to nap, he tried to find a bright side. There was a bright side to everything...right?
*********
He was just about to drift off when he heard giggling from the back of the truck.
"I'm up," he muttered as he sat up. "H'lo?"
The giggling grew more pronounced. He stood and turned around.
There, in the back of the truck, stood Willow and Tara. Their lips were red as cherries, ripe as tomatoes. (He was kind of hungry, too.) Before, when he had seen them like this, they had worn tight clothes...now they were clad in their underthings. Willow wore a white push-up bra and white panties, while Tara wore a black cropped T-shirt and panties. There was probably another word for them other than panties, but he wasn't even slightly interested in wondering what it was.
"Hey there," Tara cooed. "Did you get lost?"
"We've been waiting for you," Willow added. Her hand was slung around Tara's waist, and one of her fingers had slipped beneath the waistband of the other girl's panties. "A long time."
"A long time, huh?" Xander asked.
"It's really cold back here," Willow continued. "We need body heat." Her finger traced lazy circles under the silk, making Tara giggle.
"Um..." He turned to Anya--what the hell was she doing here?--who was in the passenger seat.
"I told you, go ahead," Anya said. "It's nothing to do with me."
"Right," Xander said eagerly. He was about to step forward...then he stopped. "You guys are gonna be there when I get there, right?"
"We'll be here," Tara said. "Waiting for you."
"You're not going to turn into a basement or a deranged jungle woman or Snyder or anything like that?"
"Xander," Willow said soothingly. "You've got to take the first step."
"The first step. Right." He stepped forward. It wasn't easy, since very little blood was actually reaching his legs at this point. He tried another. Seemed to be going well.
"I think he needs some incentive," Willow said.
"I think so too," Tara replied. She moved closer to Willow, placing her lips terribly close to the other girl's. Slowly, she allowed her tongue to slide out of her mouth, and with great care, ran it along Willow's lips. Willow stood silent, waiting for the last possible moment, before parting her lips and allowing her girlfriend's tongue inside.
Xander watched.
For about a second and a half. Then he charged forward eagerly.
"I'm here!" Xander cried, appearing in front of them. "Right here. I'm here. It's me. Hi."
"Hi," Willow said. "You smell like smoke."
"Yeah, the truck was on fire--"
"You'd better get out of those clothes," Tara said.
"Well, if you say so," he said with mock reluctance. He yanked his shirt off over his head and tossed it over his shoulder.
"Hey!" Anya cried out.
"You'd better let us do that," Willow said, stepping up to him and starting to undo his belt. Tara circled around him and began to caress his back. The feeling of it, all these hands all over him, was more erotic than anything he'd ever experienced.
With a quick movement, Willow yanked his belt loose and threw it forward.
"Ow!" Anya yelled. "Stop that, dammit!"
"Sorry," Willow said with mock shame. She gave Xander a goofy little face, causing him to stifle a laugh.
"You know, you really shouldn't pick on--whoa." The whoa came because Tara's fingers were doing something new and interesting to the small of his back.
"Shoes next," Willow said,
"Right. 'Scuse me." Xander pulled them off and kicked them away. A moment later, one of them was thrown back at his head.
"Two can play at that game, you know," Anya called out.
"Ow! Jeez! Didja have to hit me in the head?"
"Don't worry," Willow said. "I'll kiss it and make it better."
"Really," Xander said. "I don't know. I don't think just a kiss is gonna do it." He gasped as Tara reached around him and unbuttoned his jeans. Willow looked past him to meet Tara's eyes. They nodded and grabbed the pants and the boxers beneath. Xander was confused...then his eyes widened with fright as he realized what they were about to do.
"No! Wait! Erection! Waistband! Pain! Don't--"
In one swift movement, the girls yanked the pants to the floor. Despite all laws of physics, it didn't hurt a bit.
"Well, look at that," Tara said, impressed.
"Huh," Xander said. He looked down to make sure everything was still attached. "That's amazing. How'd you do that?"
"It's a magic thing," Willow replied. "You know, kinda like dishes and tablecloths. Not that that's important right now." She reached down between his legs and touched his penis. "Seems all right to me."
"Oh, yeah, that's...that's good," Xander murmured.
"You know, Xander, I don't know how to tell you this, but that's the biggest penis I've ever seen," Willow added.
"Really?"
"Oh, absolutely," Tara added, nodding her head sincerely. "I'm almost afraid of it."
"God, I love dream sequences," Xander replied. He reached out and drew Willow close to him. "I think you're a little overdressed."
"You're absolutely right." She reached behind her and unclasped her bra. It fell to the ground slowly, like a snowflake. Not that he noticed. He was too busy ogling her breasts, her beautiful pale orbs with their cinnamon tips. He took a deep breath and reminded himself that it would probably be rude to throw her to the ground and ravish her.
She slipped her thumbs into the waistband of her panties--
"Wait," he said, his throat extremely dry. "May I?"
"That's excellent grammar for a man in your position," Willow replied, amused.
"You should see me conjugate verbs," Xander said. "So...may I?"
"Absolutely," she said, raising her hands above her head. That motion rendered him unable to move for a moment, but then he stepped forward and hooked his fingers into the waistband. It was almost impossible to tell where skin stopped and silk began. He got down on one knee and began to move them towards the ground.
As they moved past her hips, he marveled at her pubic hair, which looked like soft fire beneath her belly. Below that he could see the notch of her sex. His erection began to grow painful. He eased the panties down to her ankles. He looked up to see her wearing a warm, slightly amused smile. She raised one foot; he slipped the panties off of it. She switched feet. He threw the panties over his shoulder, took her foot in his hands, and kissed the top of it.
Her smile grew wider as he kissed his way up her leg. He desperately wanted to cut to the chase and shove his tongue deep inside her, but he moved upwards, kissing her thigh, her stomach, right over her heart, until he was standing again.
They wrapped their arms around each other, his body almost crying out with desire. He was shaking.
"I want you," he said.
"I'm right here," she replied, her hands caressing his ass. "Take me."
He kissed her deeply, his hands moving over her breasts, taking that sweet weight into his hands, feeling the nipples tighten as he touched them, gently pinching them now...she ground against him, and he moved a hand around her back, feeling the smooth skin of her haunches.
"Um...excuse me," someone said, about a million miles behind him.
The warm, inviting heat of her sex was drawing him in, and--
"Excuse me." Someone was tapping on his shoulder.
He dipped his head down to take one of her nipples into his--
"HEY!"
He turned around to see Tara glaring at them.
"What?!" he asked.
"Well, aren't you going to slowly undress me and kiss your way up my body and stuff?" she asked.
He looked at her. Then he looked at Willow. Then he looked at Willow. Then he looked--he shook his head and forced himself to look back at Tara.
"Can it wait?"
"This isn't fair! Look, if we're going to have a threesome, that usually involves three people!"
"Yeah, I know, but..." He looked back at Willow, who was gazing at him expectantly. "I'm just saying, we need a little time alone."
"Well, what am I supposed to do? Just watch?"
"Yeah! Sure! Watching's fine!" Xander turned to Willow. "Watching's fine, right?"
"Watching's fine," she said. Then she grabbed him and drew him back towards her. "This is even better." Her mouth crashed into his, and he would have moaned if he'd had the room. She tasted sweet, sweeter than anything in this truck's freezer. His hands cupped her buttocks, and he--
"You know, if it was me, I'd try oral stimulation first."
He glared at Tara, furious.
"Will you shut up?"
"What?"
"You're breaking my concentration!"
"Well, what do you expect me to do? Just stand here and play with myself while I watch you two do it?"
"As long as you're quiet, yes!"
"Well, excuse me! I have needs too, you know!"
"Does she always talk this much?" Xander asked Willow.
"Don't look at me. This is your dream."
"Right. Right!" An idea was forming. "Okay. Wait right there."
"All righty," Willow said, leaning against a freezer. She gave Tara a little glare.
When he got to the front of the truck, Anya was steering with one hand and holding Willow's discarded panties in the other.
"Hey," she said. "I think these belong to--WHOA! Look at the size of that thing!"
"Yeah, it's pretty big, isn't it," he said. "Listen, can you help me out?"
"With what?"
"Well..." He paused to word this perfectly. "Since you were a mystical creature for over a thousand years, I think it's safe to say that your sexuality differs from that of a normal human female."
"That's plausible."
"So you'd have no problem having sex with a woman, right?"
"Oh, is that all?" Anya stood up and pulled her shirt off. "I've been wondering when you'd ask. I'd love it if you invited another woman into our bed."
"Really?!" he asked.
"No, not really, but this is your dream..."
"Right." He grabbed her by the hand and pulled her to the back of the truck. "Tara, Anya. Anya, Tara. You've met, right? Have at it!"
"Whoa, whoa," Tara said. "What does she know about making love to a woman?"
"Please," Anya said haughtily. "I spent a thousand years punishing men who betrayed their womenfolk. Let me tell you, some of those gals were mighty grateful." She began to wriggle out of her jeans. "Come on, sweetie. Let's leave these two alone."
Xander watched and made sure they were going away for good before turning back to Willow. She smiled and gave him a little wave.
"Wow," he breathed. "Have I ever told you you're the most beautiful woman I've even known?"
"Nope," she replied.
"You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known."
"I got the idea," she said, blushing.
He took her by the hand, brought it up to his mouth and kissed each fingertip. She stepped closer to him, ran her hands down his chest, down his stomach, down to his--
"Hey," Anya said in his ear. "I haven't done this in a while. Remind me, how did you do that thing with your tongue?"
"What?!"
"You know, you've got that little move with your tongue. I don't know what it is, but it makes my eyes roll up into my head every time you do it. Could you show me?"
"Oh, for cryin' out--okay." He opened his mouth and demonstrated a series of complicated gestures with his tongue.
"Oh, thaaaaaat's right," Anya said. "It's short lick, short lick, circle circle, triangle, smiley-face."
"That's the one. Now beat it!"
"Okay. How's it going?"
"Grrrrr--"
"I'm going, I'm going..."
He turned back to Willow and again paused to marvel at the sight of her.
"Alone at last," she said, her hands now resting on his hips.
"At last," he agreed. He began to nuzzle her neck, thrilling at the soft moans that escaped her lips. He could feel the blood pulse through him as he ran his hands over her back, caressing the curve of her spine, then moving around to the front, sliding his fingers along--
Tap tap tap.
"WHAT?!" he screamed as he turned around. Standing before him was a bald, bespectacled man in a brown suit. He held in one hand a plate of cheese slices wrapped in cellophane.
"Each slice is individually wrapped," he said. "For your protection."
"He's got a point," Willow added.
"Okay." Xander searched around for his pants, grabbed them, scrambled for his wallet, and pulled out a condom. When he straightened back up, Cheese Guy was gone.
"May I?" Willow asked, extending a hand.
"Go right ahead. And congratulations on your grammar as well," Xander said, handing her the condom. She unwrapped it and knelt down in front of him. She leaned forward and gave the tip of his penis a little kiss. He uttered a small gasp as she did so.
"Think about baseball or something," she said with a wicked grin. Slowly, carefully, she unrolled the condom over him.
"Be careful," he said. "You never know what's going to set if off."
"Oh, I know exactly what's going to set it off." She stood up and pressed herself against him. "Ready?"
"I was born ready." He reached down and began to caress her labia. She bit her bottom lip as he eased a finger inside. Then, when she was sufficiently lubricated, he slid inside her. They both gasped at the sensation of it. He felt like he was going to pass out, but instead he began to move rhythmically, back and forth...
"Oh, God, don't ever stop doing that," she said before nibbling on his earlobe. He was covered by her, her hair in his eyes, her scent in his nostrils, her breasts in his hands. He kissed her shoulder as he kept going, in out in out...
"I'll do my best," he moaned. He ducked down, took one of her nipples into his mouth, bit it as gently as he could, thrilled to her brief shriek. Her hands moved over his back, grasping the flesh; he could feel the nails digging in.
"More," she gasped. "More, more..."
He moved quicker, picking up the pace. They breathed faster; he could feel his orgasm building but wanted to push it back, make this last as long as it could...bottom of the ninth and Canseco's at the plate...
Willow began to shudder. "I'm co--uummmmmmmgh," she groaned, and then he just couldn't hold it anymore. His vision blurred with the force of it, the pleasure that cocooned him, and he let out a loud, short cry.
They relaxed, leaning against each other, still kissing.
"Wow," Xander said. "That was--"
"I know," Willow replied, grinning tiredly. "That was great."
"We should try that in real life."
"We really should."
"If only--"
"OHHHHHHHH YES!" Anya screamed from the front of the truck. "OH! OH! MORE, YOU SAPPHIC VIXEN!"
Willow stared at him in shock.
"No, that's not the dream," he said. "She really is that loud."
"WORK IT! WORK THE BEAN!"
"Sorry," Willow said.
"Willow..." He brushed her hair back tenderly. "There's something I want to tell you."
"Yes, Xander?"
"FASTER! FASTER FASTER FAST--UUUUUHHHHHH!"
"You know what?" he said. "I'll tell you later." He leaned close to her to kiss her again.
Suddenly, something cold splashed against his arm--
**********
"Whuh?" he opened his eyes to see a guy in a pair of grimy overalls standing there.
"I can't tow this thing with you sittin' in it, pal," the guy said.
"Tow the...oh! Oh, you're the tow truck guy."
"Yeah. Member of Tow Truck Guys Local #730. You gettin' out or not?"
"Yeah. Sorry. I fell asleep..." He hopped out of the truck and froze at what he felt...in his pants...
"Somethin' wrong?" Tow Truck Guy asked.
"No. Nothing. I just, uh...you don't need me at the garage for this, right?"
"Guess not."
"Okay. I'm just gonna walk home, then."
"Suit yaself." The Tow Truck Guy began hooking the ice cream truck up to his wrecker, leaving Xander to walk home in the rain in search of a clean pair of shorts.
There was a bright side to everything, though. At least he was wearing an apron.