*everyone taking their seats*

Suzaku: Maybe Schneizel would have let Jesus into his heart—

CC: Drop it already.

Nunnally: If you make a comment about Jesus, Suzaku, I'm running over your giant Japanese penis with my wheelchair.

*Kallen, CC, and Lelouch snicker*

Lelouch: He wields Chaos itself! Inventive!

Kallen: He can give you heat death and drain away all your energy, turning you into an inert lump of matter.

Suzaku: So you become sort of like CC.

CC: Shut up.

Nunnally: Lloyd wouldn't send us a crossover, would he? I mean, surely he wouldn't be that cruel.

Kallen: Nunnally, never bank on there being an upper limit to human barbarism.

CC: How much fan service would be wrought if Code Geass belonged to anyone else?

Kallen: I'd be stashing a lot more than the Guren's activation key between my breasts, that's for sure.

Kallen: And not forgotten and left in a glass box for four episodes and counting, and not almost injected with psychoactive drugs by this asshole *kicks Suzaku in the shin*, and got to keep a little dignity—

Lelouch: You're in a fanfic, Kallen, you lost your dignity long ago.

CC: — was so scary it caused everyone to commit suicide in fear, the end.

Kallen: Tengen Toppa Guren Mk-II!

Lelouch: When Rakshata covered the Guren in drills, I thought she was just being funny.

CC: Y'know, 'cuz Kallen's kind of important too.

Kallen: I'm glad I rate so highly.

Suzaku: Doing nothing to stop the Beijing Olympics...

Kallen: I for one would like to welcome our new little girl overlords, and would like to remind them that as a member of the media, I can be very useful in manipulating the public.

CC: And I, while we're on the subject, would like to question the wisdom of a political system that requires genital mutilation as a prerequisite to power.

Nunnally: And were promptly denied entry, discovering why they call it the Forbidden City.

Suzaku: *as Xingke* "Our new allies have helped us overthrow the Eunuchs and bring Tianzi back to the throne! We of the Chinese Federation know what must be done now...KEGSTANDS FOR EVERYONE!"

Kallen: *singing* Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight! Whoo! Get down tonight!

Lelouch: Tamaki, Sugiyama, and Asahina immediately crept away to go smoke pot in Tianzi's bathroom, like the Beatles.

Kallen: *as Lelouch* "Dude, I am, like, sooooo wasted right now! How 'bout you?"

Suzaku: *as Xingke* "I know man, I must have smoked, like, fifty bowls of weed just now...dude..."

Lelouch: We'd better be sleeping on our own.

CC: And the whole "putting a gun to Tianzi's head" thing? Totally cool with that. Really.

Kallen: — giving birth to fifty yaoi fangirls in the process.

Suzaku: — dashing the hopes of fifty yaoi fangirls in the process.

Nunnally: Oh, no, no, no, not after those yaoi jokes. The universe can't be this cruel.

Lelouch: I keep telling him that I have a friggin' voice mail box...

CC: "The spread, it's just, it's absolutely horrible! It's a disaster! Look at it, I put the meat on the bread, and then I fold it, and— it's a mess! You have to fold it! Everything has to be folded! I— no, no, I can handle this, I'm a professional..."

Nunnally: "Soggies may rule!"

CC: "We brought together all the rings but Captain Planet won't appear!"

Suzaku: "My pizza arrived more than thirty minutes after I ordered it and they still charged me!"

Lelouch: "We'll enable cheats on the server and turn on God mode."

CC: "Now if you can get Kallen to drink this flask of Jimmy Bean, I'll hide in the air duct with the camera..."

Kallen: He's used that idea.

CC: ...he has?

Kallen: You don't remember the infamous "Adult Swim" issue of the Black Knights bulletin?

CC: ...right.

Suzaku: Fool-proof plans don't come from fools.

Lelouch: Then again, the enemy you know best is yourself.

Kallen: "Basically, we kill everybody else."

CC: "I know, Zero, that this idea of Order of the Black Knights collectible Thermoses appeals to you."

Suzaku: "Look, I told you the first time you brought up that idea about Black Knights edible panties that it's not going to work."

Nunnally: "We've booked you for an appearance on Hell's Kitchen."

Nunnally: "Oh, The Bachelor. My bad."

Lelouch: He's mixing "sneaky, fanatically loyal intelligence operative" with "crappy TV producer."

Kallen: "We'll form our own reality show! With blackjack! And hookers!"

Lelouch: We can't afford to go to California, Diethard! Christ, what am I, made of money?!

CC: I think he means to somebody other than himself.

Kallen: No, I think Diethard would suggest this.

Lelouch: A god is angry.

CC: *stomps on Lelouch's foot*

Lelouch: Ow! What the hell was that for?!

Nunnally: Well, Diethard is trying to turn him into a god...

Kallen: *singing* I think we're alone now...there doesn't seem to be anyone around...

Suzaku: "People will ask what I'm doing in your bedroom and why you're shouting."

Nunnally: This must be the part where Diethard blushes and nervously fidgets with his hands.

CC: Maybe no.

Lelouch: I have to clean up after you and yell at you like we're already married anyway.

Lelouch: If I didn't have my mask on you would be seeing my ANGRY FACE!

Kallen: Don't you have any other derogatory pet-names for CC?

Lelouch: I called her Joan Rivers once, but she got mad and smother me with Cheese-kun.

Suzaku: "— or else Bill O'Reilly will be very upset with you and declare you a traitor to American values."

Lelouch: Just hand out copies of these lemons we've been reading.

CC: Those haven't been very passionate.

Lelouch: No, they have! We know this because the authors keep telling us so.

CC: Oh, well, if you insist.

Suzaku: Like the time you shot my girlfriend!

Kallen: Or the time you accidentally buried Shirley's dad!

Nunnally: Or the time you exploded the Japan Liberation Front's leaders!

CC: Or the time you kidnapped Tianzi!

Lelouch: Okay, jackholes, I get it.

Kallen: "Oh, um, I guess now is a good time to tell you that I've hired Billy Dee Williams to give all my speeches."

CC: "We got a sweet endorsement from the guys who make Colt 45!"

Lelouch: All those yaoi fanfics didn't clue you in?

Kallen: I thought you kept telling us you were the perfect ruler for this peaceful world and that's how we know it.

Lelouch: Diethard will be the final villain, and I will have to extricate myself from his plots to create a reality show about the Black Knights.

Lelouch: Shit fuck piss cunt cocksucker motherfucker tits!

Suzaku: *sniffle* Carlin-sama! You left us too soon.

Nunnally: "But wait! There's more! Order now and you'll receive this free Liberian national currency silver plate depicting the World Trade Center before it was destroyed! Truly there is no better way to honor all those who were lost on that fateful day than to shamelessly exploit them for profit!"

CC: *as Diethard* "It's either this or the other idea. I'm telling you, Zero-O's will fly off the shelves."

Lelouch: "I will not consent to my likeness being made to create microwavable canned pasta."

Suzaku: I bet Diethard is one of those guys who says that gay people can't marry because it would threaten the sanctity of marriage.

Kallen: While he organizes paparazzi stakeouts of celebrities' homes to wait for the divorce papers to arrive in the mail.

Nunnally: "And you sort of owe them anyways. Tianzi wants to book Cold Play for the reception."

Lelouch: Indeed, what could be more human than dressing up the reproductive urge in a false veneer of sacrosanct humility and enduring commitment, only to sweep it all away in a venomous legal drama a few years later?

Suzaku: Britney Spears!

Lelouch: Hell no. She'd drain the Black Knights' budget on Doritos for her kids.

CC: "You can tell because they write fanfics about you where you have sex with various characters from our show and they describe the length and girth of your reproductive equipment in very minute detail."

Suzaku: It's like The Bachelor...hosted by Larry King.

Nunnally: *in her best Larry King voice* "CC, hello!"

Kallen: What, you've already picked one?

Lelouch: Well then this whole thing was just a formality, wasn't it.

Nunnally: Did you even watch Turn 12?

*all snicker*

Suzaku: Don't hurt yourself there.

Kallen: Only two?

Nunnally: One, of course, is me. *cute smile*

CC: And the other is whoever that girl is in the free sample video from YoungTeenAmateurs.com.

Lelouch: Oh shut up.

Nunnally: *gasp* Not me?! *cries*

Lelouch: Oh, Christ on a stick, it's a fanfic, Nunnally.

Suzaku: Wait, Christ on a stick?

Lelouch: It's true, if you think about it.

Lelouch: They keep asking me if Suzaku's cock really is nine inches long.

*the girls snicker*

Suzaku: I'm never going to live that down, am I?

Kallen: Such as pairing him up with characters he never met or never showed any hint of liking.

CC: The Lelouch X Toudou slash was an interesting departure from the canon.

Suzaku: Oh ho, what now, Zero? Come across a problem that can't be solved by collapsing the floorboards beneath it, huh?

Lelouch: Oh go introduce your girlfriend to enemas.

Suzaku: Hey!

Nunnally: I wouldn’t be able to maintain my "cute" street cred if I sang "Tomorrow" from Annie, would I?

CC: No.

Kallen: Not really.

Nunnally: Okay.

Kallen: "By the way, you wouldn't happen to have had any deep-seated lust for Urabe or Ougi or that general guy from Turn 6, would you? I'm just asking in anticipation, you see."

Nunnally: "With this new Tempurpedic memory foam mattress!"

Lelouch: 'cuz I sure won't.

Suzaku: And remember that, because it will be an important part of the plot later on.

Nunnally: There'd better not be a quiz at the end of this thing.

Kallen: "Is the hokey pokey really what it's all about? I don't think the rebellion can go on."

CC: ...I'm molesting Cheese-kun?

Lelouch: Eh, that's not far off from usual.

Suzaku: Boom-chicka-boom-chicka-boom-chicka—

CC: We already had to go through a lemon about the two of us. You can't do any harm here.

Suzaku: Dammit.

Kallen: George Michael!?

Lelouch: My system of impersonators and body doubles is absolutely fabulous.

Suzaku: WE KNOW WHAT LELOUCH LOOKS LIKE GODDAMMIT.

Nunnally: ...aka Amanda Huginkiss, aka Steve, aka Bill, aka Sparky, aka Bob...

CC: Immediately this plan lost much of its popularity when it was discovered that Lelouch was limiting his potential wives to females.

Kallen: — and strangled him!

CC: We did that joke already, and besides, it's too easy.

Kallen: Well, uh, fuck you.

Lelouch: Sorry, I think that's my job.

Suzaku: "We're this far into the fanfic and nobody's humped yet."

Nunnally: "Do you know Katie Holmes' number...?"

CC: No.

Lelouch: Okay, just asking.

Kallen: *singing* I feel the earth move under my feet, I feel the sky tumblin' down, a-tumblin' down...

Nunnally: He said, "WILL...YOU..."

CC: I didn't even answer yet and you're already moving to the honeymoon?

Lelouch: I work quickly.

Nunnally: With chair back in the upright position...

Suzaku: ...to commit seppuku and cleanse himself of this dishonor.

Nunnally: *singing* I wanna hold your haaaaaaaaand!

Suzaku: *singing* I think it's time to put a ring on that finger I'm wrapped around!...

*all stare*

Suzaku: What?

Lelouch: ...country?

Suzaku: ...oh...*meekly* I was hoping you wouldn't recognize it...

Kallen: "How dare you blush!"

CC: Normally he doesn't ask, he just forces you into a wedding dress and plants you at the altar.

CC: I have psychic powers?

Suzaku: Must be that "show people traumatizing memories and make them freak out" power of yours.

CC: Oh, well, that's going to make this marriage fun.

Nunnally: "Oh, don't worry, it's only 'cuz Diethard's making me do it. I'm not sincere or anything."

Suzaku: *singing* She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah, she loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah...

Kallen: *singing* With a love like that, you know that can't be bad!

CC: It's a blushing fucking extravaganza here.

Kallen: We'd be lovers in a dangerous time!

Nunnally: You'd be on the highway to hell!

Suzaku: In a New York state of mind!

Lelouch: You can tell by my monotone delivery that I mean every word I say.

Nunnally: Baffled, surprised, blindsided, amazed, befuddled, incredulous...

CC: You know you're screwed when not even the author cares enough to write the narrative.

Suzaku: Annoyance and contempt are feelings, technically speaking.

Nunnally: That's for the wedding night.

CC: You know how I was born in a time where a dowry or something was expected...?

Kallen: *singing* Shot through the heart, and you're to blame!

Lelouch: *singing* Darlin', you give love a bad name!

Nunnally: "Well, that genius intellect can't win 'em all, huh."

Kallen: *singing* Beat iiiiiit! Beat iiiiiiit! No one wants to be defeated!

Suzaku: Obviously what you need to do is figure out a plan to pop the question that involves collapsing the foundations of Tokyo or kicking up enough methane hydrate to capsize an entire Britannian fleet.

Lelouch: It's not my fault you're so easy to outsmart.

Kallen: *singing* Even the losers...get lucky sometimes...

Nunnally: Evidently not.

Kallen: We already used "Sorry is the Hardest Word to Say"?

Lelouch: Yeah.

Kallen: Damn.

Nunnally: *singing* Aw, yer so bad...best thing I ever had...in a world gone mad, yer so bad...

Kallen: *singing* Don't come around here no more...

Suzaku: Hence the silence.

CC: I made him suicidal?

Nunnally: Nice going, CC.

Suzaku: Well, shit, if I'd known it would be this easy I would have asked CC to blow him off years ago.

CC: Wait a minute, Lelouch just left, how can we have the lemon scene— ?

Lelouch: Why is the sky blue? Why do cats have fur? What is the sound of one hand clapping? This and other questions with obvious answers, next time on "Two Wives, One Lord!"

Nunnally: "I mean, I've got nothing better to do."

Kallen: You're taking Diethard's gimmick awfully seriously, Lelouch.

Lelouch: Fanfic me.

Kallen: Right, right...

Suzaku: That's your problem! Girls don't really like being proposed to by guys who wear masks in the process.

Nunnally: Are you writing this down? There will be a quiz.

Kallen: Now that you've rescued me from Britannia, I don't owe you a damn thing.

CC: The irony was not lost on the designers.

Lelouch: Although it may have been lost on the author.

Lelouch: Oh hell no.

Suzaku: So he planned it this way all along!

Kallen: *a la receptionist from Office Space* Thank you for calling, how may I help you?...one moment please...thank you for calling, how may I help you?...one moment please...thank you for calling, how may I help you?...one moment please...thank you for calling, how may I—

Nunnally: STOP! *runs over Kallen's foot*

Kallen: OWWWW! NUNNALLY—

Suzaku: We'll get the hentai from any source, I guess.

CC: "Marry me."

*all snicker*

Kallen: *singing* You can't always get what you want...

Lelouch: *singing* But if you try sometimes...you just might find...you'll get what you need!

Kallen: Shut up.

Nunnally: "No, Lord Zero, it's just plastic, you can't— Lord Zero, please stop trying to slash your wrists..."

CC: Y'know, the one that one's allowed into.

Nunnally: And don't worry at all that our finest architect was put to death a few weeks later...

Suzaku: I'm still expecting some porn in here somewhere.

CC: Your heart is cold and black.

Nunnally: *singing* I got the power!

Suzaku: "Zero is George Steinbrenner?!"

CC: Oh, so Zero's a commie now?

Kallen: Well, shit, that's explicit.

CC: Only later did Zero remember that pesky thing called the exchange rate...

Suzaku: Why has the story ground to a halt to describe Zero's act of largesse with a hotel receptionist?

Nunnally: We'll add that to the pile of "questions we aren't entirely sure we want the answers to."

Suzaku: I'm telling you, any minute now someone's gonna start porking someone.

Nunnally: Lelouch did, however, note a lack of that neat Andes chocolate mint on his pillow.

CC: As a result, the Black Knights burned the hotel down the next morning.

Suzaku: You see!? There's gonna be a sex dream with a threesome!

Suzaku: ...or not.

Kallen: Suzaku, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were almost hoping for a sex scene.

Suzaku: Well, it would be kind of vindicating. Extra humiliation and all.

Lelouch: Oh, you pervert.

Suzaku: No! Not like—

CC: It's okay, Suzaku, we all know how you really are.

Nunnally: Guys, this riff is making me feel uncomfortable.

Suzaku: Wait a minute, it's done? We can leave?

Lelouch: Hm, looks like it.

*all get up*

*all groan and sit back down*

CC: We can tell.

CC: ...

Kallen: We can tell.

Nunnally: It's not a good sign when you can use the same riff three times in succession.

Suzaku: "So I'm going to write in this language I'm not very good with and see what happens!"

Lelouch: That makes one of us.

Nunnally: So my tragic mutilation of the characters can only be limited to short bursts.

Kallen: Lloyd will inflict them on us with the grace and poise of a serial killer anyway.

Suzaku: Well, we don't.

Lelouch: Unless they actually suggest improvement, in which case I will interpret them as insults and scream at you.

Kallen: *singing* Ohhhhh, your kisses, sweeter than honey! Well guess what? So is my money!

CC: We didn't have a choice.

Suzaku: Oh, now maybe we were too hard on him. At least he can see how ridiculous it is.

Lelouch: He saw how ridiculous it is...but he didn't do anything about it.

Suzaku: ...'kay, good point.

Nunnally: I think it's over now.

Kallen: For now. There might be another chapter down the pike.

CC: Kallen! Don't say things like that! You'll upset the children.

Lelouch: Let's just go.

*all leave*

*taking their seats*

Suzaku: I still think that chess piece girl is the one for you.

Lelouch: Shut up.

Kallen: In a.t.b. 2017, marriage was beginning.

Nunnally: What happen?

Lelouch: Somebody set up us the wife!

Suzaku: "Smell that? You smell that? Napalm, son. Nothing in the world smells like that. *sniffs* I love the smell of napalm in the morning. Smelled like...victory."

CC: That's a first.

Nunnally: Wow, thanks for reminding me.

Kallen: Gotta make sure your breath is minty fresh for the cunnilingus scene.

Lelouch: Swore to destroy them when they only brought two packets of maple syrup for my French toast...

CC: Did a little dance, made a little love, got down tonight...

Suzaku: He was going to use the big boy potty!

Nunnally: I can only imagine the damage this is doing to the sanctity of marriage.

Kallen: Then they were informed that Justin Timberlake does not go by the stage name "Zero."

Suzaku: Last time I saw a crowd like this was when I saw Yanni.

Lelouch: You saw Yanni?

Suzaku: *meekly* It was Euphie's idea...

Lelouch: Oh no, it's turning into American Idol!

CC: I can't wait for Simon to say mean things about the potential brides.

Kallen: Diethard gathered them all up in one night?

Lelouch: I wasn't kidding when I told him he was a man without peers.

Nunnally: And thousands of cases of Coca-Cola Zero were dropped in by helicopters...

Suzaku: Hence the dot-dot-dot.

Kallen: Which always ends well.

CC: "There are two rules to remember if you wanna have a good time. Rule number one, never run out of Colt 45, and rule number two... *cracks open can* never forget rule number one."

Kallen: "On a very special episode of Saved By the Bell..."

Nunnally: Why does this remind of those Publisher's Clearinghouse sweepstakes that promise you that you could win a million dollars?

CC: 'cuz that's pretty much what Diethard has set up here.

Kallen: Did Diethard plan for the 999,999 fangirls who are going to go home empty-handed?

Suzaku: Why am I thinking of that red robot with the gold head from Power Rangers?

CC: Ewwww!

Lelouch: Oh shut up.

Kallen: Says you.

CC: "In fact, he's not even strong enough to handle one of you."

Nunnally: You can tell by the way his mask is blushing.

CC: "To explain the deal, I will now turn the mic over to Howie Mandel..."

Suzaku: Does Diethard realize he's sowing the seeds of a massacre?

Kallen: He's going to tape it and call it the World's Biggest Catfight.

Nunnally: *in her best Darth Vader voice* "You may use any methods necessary, but I want them alive! No disintegrations!"

Lelouch: And now for a late addition to the 2008 Beijing Summer Olympics...

Suzaku: One million crazed fangirls go in...only one comes out.

Kallen: They should hire you to read SAT instructions.

CC: "LLLLLLLET'S GET READY TO RUMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLE!"

Nunnally: ...™.

CC: Right, right, ™.

Lelouch: Diethard really plans ahead.

Kallen: "Now step right up, and if you can throw this ball at that target and dunk Toudou in the water three times, you get to be Zero's wife for a day!"

Nunnally: The Cool Names Department is on strike.

Kallen: Do I even want to know what these "tasks" are?

Suzaku: As Yanni took the stage...

Lelouch: I can't believe you saw Yanni.

Suzaku: Euphie made me do it, I swear!

Nunnally: So, just to make sure, he set this all up in one night?

Suzaku: "One...two...five!"

Nunnally: "Three, sir!"

Suzaku: "Three!"

Kallen: Several hundred died in the initial stampede, with thousands more injured...

CC: Yeah, yeah, giant catfight.

Suzaku: ZERG RUSH!

CC: "Now the tarnishing of your name is complete."

Lelouch: I am absolutely fucking terrified of your ability to summon thousands of horny teenage girls.

CC: "Are you INSANE out of your fucking MIND?!" is not one of them.

Suzaku: Boom-chicka-boom-chicka—

Lelouch: With a thousand girls?

Suzaku: So top secret I can't tell the guy who should know all the top secrets.

Kallen: "Are you Viletta?" "No." "Next!"

Lelouch: He's trusting Tamaki with my potential wives?

CC: "Many potential wives will question the necessity of defeating Toudou in a swordfight to prove their worthiness..."

Nunnally: Is "interview" a euphemism here?

Lelouch: I thought they had too much dignity for this sort of thing.

CC: Well, Tamaki doesn't. And Ougi is just looking for a girl who won't mind being called "Chigusa" in the sack.

Suzaku: "You have no idea how powerful the Ikaruga's surveillance cameras can be..."

Kallen: Wait a minute, what could you possibly use to blackmail Toudou? When he's not practicing his kendo or working on his Knightmare, he's sitting around cross-legged doing nothing.

Nunnally: *whistles the Lucky Star theme*

Kallen: ...seriously?

Kallen: "They figured they could choose some hideous old hag as revenge for abandoning them during the Black Rebellion."

*all snicker*

CC: We're lucky if it's just one eye.

Kallen: "So don't worry, he'll get you a babe."

CC: "Don't worry, a C-cup is the smallest they'll go."

Lelouch: As long as I share, I guess.

Nunnally: "They will know my gratitude by my secret psychic powers!"

CC: "Randy Jackson insisted on a spot..."

Nunnally: So that's what that smell was.

Suzaku: It's so top-secret not even he is sure of all the details.

Kallen: "No women in there to screw things up with silly considerations like personality..."

Lelouch: And take a cold shower for the next six years.

CC: It then dawned on Zero to ask exactly what in the hell Diethard meant by "I guess."

Nunnally: What part of "Forbidden City" don't you guys understand?

Kallen: The Chinese Federation is so impoverished it can't even afford secretaries.

Kallen: *in Jack from Jack in the Box voice* "I love the smell of male in the morning!"

Lelouch: Oh, I'm just being tossed like raw meat at a bunch of hormone-crazed fangirls. You know the drill.

Nunnally: "...Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen..."

Kallen: "I hear they're on sale at Wal-mart."

Nunnally: *as Tianzi* "Sorry Mr. Zero, we're Communist."

Kallen: *as Xingke* "Back off, pal! I thought we were past this."

Nunnally: *as Tianzi* "He's straight?!"

CC: *as Xingke* "Don't worry, Tianzi, lots of gay men marry women just to keep up appearances."

Kallen: *singing* I can't get no...satisfaction!

Suzaku: "All over my good shoes!"

Kallen: "Sometimes I lapse out of character for a few seconds. It's very tragic, but the doctor says there's medication to help me get it under control."

CC: "So I was gonna ask if we can come to the wedding and maybe disrupt it and kidnap your bride."

Suzaku: "I feel so sorry for that poor woman."

Lelouch: Diethard didn't think this through with his whole "make Zero a god" gig, did he?

Kallen: "Thanks, Diethard."

CC: "Somebody else has a marriage for me to screw up!"

Nunnally: *as Zero* "If Tamaki doesn't stop suggesting Miley Cyrus, I'm gonna punch him."

Suzaku: Don't worry, Lelouch, all men do.

Kallen: Easy for him to say, he doesn't have to live with her.

Nunnally: That can't be good.

Lelouch: Beware the giggle of a little girl, for behind it lurk evil things.

Kallen: She's already taken you as her husband.

Lelouch: Shock! The man beneath the mask of Zero is apparently Jerry Lee Lewis.

Suzaku: "The only loli I'll marry is Nunnally!"

Nunnally: Thanks, Suzaku.

Suzaku: ...sorry.

Lelouch: What am I, Japanese?

Suzaku: Hey!

Kallen: Not that she seems interested in doing so.

CC: Wouldn't Kaguya make a great wife, actually? I mean, she doesn't care if you sleep around, as long as you're not serious with the other women. Isn't that a good bargain?

Lelouch: Uh oh, cue the angry reaction...

Lelouch: Bingo!

Suzaku: We've read too many of these things.

Nunnally: "I HATE acronyms!"

Suzaku: *as Xingke* "Empress Tianzi, Zero's love-life is a tangled mess not even the best diplomats can unravel..."

Lelouch: There's a gag order on the divorce proceedings...

Lelouch: That too.

CC: Silly Lulu, you know that "I don't want to talk about it" is just an invitation for more scrutiny...

Kallen: Something about the way his hands were twitching in rage told her to drop it...

Suzaku: The trusty backup.

CC: So much that he forgot about her!

Lelouch: I wonder how special my love is if I can divide it among so many.

Nunnally: Only later would it occur to Zero that this whole "two wives" thing probably wouldn't work out...

Lelouch: Every man needs a wife with martial arts skills and a seventh-generation Knightmare Frame.

Suzaku: Thinking with your head, I see.

Kallen: Well I'm glad that's all it takes to be a good wife.

Kallen: Consult the child!

Nunnally: *in her best Yoda voice* Truly wonderful, the mind of a child is!

CC: *as Tianzi* "'cuz she was one of the love interests at the top of the page."

Suzaku: What, like a dog?

Kallen: *stomps on Suzaku's crotch* SHUT UP!

Suzaku: Ow...my giant Japanese cock...

*CC and Nunnally snicker*

Nunnally: Oh no, Tianzi, save him! Before he hurts himself!

CC: "She is kinda like a dog..."

Kallen: Not you too.

Kallen: ...so...Tianzi has been checking me out, basically.

CC: That thought is a little more troubling than I had anticipated.

Lelouch: Quit checking out my potential wife!

Kallen: Don't I always get into situations like that?

Suzaku: Meanwhile, Tianzi started to ask about the drool leaking out from behind Zero's mask, but Xingke waved her off and they slipped away...

Lelouch: I hate it when that happens.

CC: Looks like you already have.

Nunnally: "The seeds of discord are sown!"

Kallen: Oh, this had better not turn all lolicon on us—

Lelouch: Your mind is a dark and terrible place, Kallen.

Suzaku: "It will distract everyone from the appropriateness of my relationship with a 13-year-old girl."

Kallen: ...how, exactly?

CC: Apparently the strength increases once Zero and Wifey have had some time to, y'know...

Suzaku: "Go Zero! You can do it! Get married! Tie the knot! Have kids! HOO-AH!"

Lelouch: I would hope so.

Nunnally: "Do I get bonus points if I marry a Chinese girl?"

CC: "BUT YOU WON'T BECAUSE I'LL KIDNAP HER AND HAVE MY REVENGE BWAAAAAHAHAHAHA!"

Lelouch: That's my evil scheming smile.

Suzaku: That line is really not believable, Lelouch.

Kallen: *singing* If the world gets in my face, I'll say...have a nice day!

Nunnally: But it's forbidden!

Lelouch: Just let it go, Nunnally.

Kallen: I thought you had no friends.

Lelouch: Yeah, don't let the secret slip or anything. Jeez.

Suzaku: *as Zero* "It has nothing to do with prostitutes and gambling, I can tell you that."

CC: Well how's this for an awkward moment.

Kallen: He never told me he was straight!

Nunnally: That joke's getting old...

Suzaku: *singing* Don't get hot, 'cuz man, you've got some times ahead!

Nunnally: *singing* Take it slow, daddy-o, you can live it up and die in bed!

Lelouch: And my car keys.

Suzaku: "It's like you have to commit to stuff or something."

Nunnally: The mask has that effect on people.

Nunnally: Well. Gee. I didn't know that. Thanks.

CC: Good God, eviction notices are more subtle than this.

Lelouch: I have to go, uh, wash my hair.

CC: This really isn't safe, guys. You should stop it.

Suzaku: This is what's known as a rip-off, dear.

Kallen: I framed Roger Rabbit!

Nunnally: *gasp* Kallen!

Kallen: The truth will set me free.

Nunnally: *singing* And if I built this fortress around your heart...

CC: *singing* It's like déjà vu all over again...

Nunnally: I'm still mad that you guys can just walk in and out of the Forbidden City.

Lelouch: It's not gonna change, Nunnally.

CC: Ah, the romance of bureaucracy.

Suzaku: And steamed and tweaked and ticked and vexed!

Kallen: *singing* Look what the cat dragged in! Don't you call me your friend! Get outta my house with your dirty old mouse, take yourself out again!...

CC: Boom-chicka-boom-chicka—

Kallen: I AM NOT DOING IT WITH DIETHARD YOU PERVERT.

Lelouch: Not to mention slightly stomach-turning.

Suzaku: Chaos Wielder wouldn't do this to us, would he? Guys?

Kallen: So, was that supposed to come out sounding as wrong as it did, or what?

Nunnally: Oh God oh God oh God...

Lelouch: Diethard! Why Diethard!?

*all breath a tempered sigh of relief*

CC: "Of course, maybe you can outfight them all."

Kallen: *singing* You're a heartbreaker, dream maker, love taker, don't you mess around with me!...

*all scream*

CC: Oh.

Lelouch: Well, that's a relief...

Suzaku: Make sure you press hard on the road to love, because you are making multiple copies.

Nunnally: Why am I thinking of Dr. Tran all of the sudden...?

Suzaku: *in Dr. Tran announcer voice* "In fact, Dr. Tran will be down at your local record store this Tuesday from 9 'til 4, just giving away HOT DICKINGS!"

Kallen: The road to romance is paved in red tape?

CC: "I get to do paperwork!"

Kallen: Wasn't it Tamaki's dream to be the bureaucrat?

Lelouch: It's all just a sick little game to him, isn't it...

Nunnally: "I need references? 'Check here if you are or previously did serve in the military'...? 'Reason for leaving your last marriage'...?"

CC: "You mean I have to fill this out twice?"

CC: Ah, foreshadowing. Truly the way of he who has mastered the art of subtlety.

Nunnally: You know, you could always ask Tianzi to legalize polygamy. I'm sure she would.

Suzaku: Weren't you already "engaged" to Kaguya?

Lelouch: I have no idea what the fuck is going on anymore.

Lelouch: Instead of apologizing, why couldn't you make it more interesting instead?

Suzaku: I dunno, Diethard's inappropriate concern with your nuptials is sort of interesting, in a Quentin Tarantino "how is this guy gonna get killed?" sort of way.

Nunnally: Let's just leave before the author hears you and gets an idea.

*all get up and leave*