"You thought I was something from afar,
you thought I'd totally excite you...

I guess it's just another thing
to stand up close and ignite you."

-Liz Phair

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I come here with a point.
My point; I hate the nature of the crushes guys get on me. They're so passive-aggressive.
There's this "Ooohh, you are so mesmerizing and cool" mode, then that quickly gives way to the
"You bitch. Look how you've wronged me. What have you done to me?!" phase.

All this and I would have done nothing at all.
Not even spoken with them. Let alone spent time with them.
What the fuck?
And this is a recurring scenario.

Either I turn these guys into idiots, or I simply attract idiots. It sucks either way.

Oh this made me laugh. Yesterday I said to my brother [through ICQ] something to the effect of:
"I'm trying to find the core, the essence of this guy's crush on me."
And his reply:
"Look in his pants."

Ha ha.

Though maybe I shouldn't laugh, since I can really only think that the essence of my little return crush on this guy is also based in his pants...

Something's wrong right now. I can't determine what it is. Maybe I'm still trying to emerge from my sleepyheadedness. Had to pull myself reluctantly out of bed to come here and write to you. Candles lit, all dim and cozy, urban hymns on repeat, for the past two hours. And it's not even 10pm yet. Dreamy, dreamy music make me feel alright___candles lit. I'm in my cool zone there. In my cool world...
But there's this big stupid cliche' void where sex and love want to be.

I'm all groggy-headed now. Lamp-down-low mode. Wake up! Okay, Liz is on and she's rocking out and I'm coming alive in silky underwear, oh conducter let's roll!

Now Tori:
Honey, honey, honey...
You're just too used to my honey now.

I'm thinking is time I put different poems on zee pages what have zee poems on dem. One can only care for one poem so many times, yes? Time for change yes?

Today someone asked me to babysit on NEW YEAR'S. Obviously I said no. It reminded me that I don't even have plans for New Year's this year. But, please, kidnap me if I agree to babysit on New Year's. I ain't doing that unless they pay me a fucking grand. It's gotta be good. I won't settle for the sub-minimum wage that is standard in babysitting. I'd need shitloads of money for that. Plus, I'd have to be able to at least take the kids downtown, put 'em on leashes or something, to take in some semblance of celebration. God save me if I am existing in desperately mundane psuedo-domesticity on the night of this whole millenial change-over.


Oooh, I love when Tori freaks out on this, Merry Widow.


Sexual Healing

Me and my porno dreams...
Last night some guy I went to school with wuz staying in my room. I went up to figure out WHY, and to straighten things out, and ended up in some wild carnal circus...

The other night I went to a doctor. When I got into her office I couldn't remember what wuz wrong with me. So she proceeded to tell me. She wuz a pretty thing, I might add. She got up onto the examining table and lay down on me, with her head on my chest, and she said "You need someone to love you, and to lie with you, like this. Right here against your heart."
"Wow. I think you're right. Thank you."

a note

I've read the words so many times they have lost all hope of ever making sense to me.
I cannot gauge their sincerity. Let alone the sincerity of their creator.