10/22/99 I don't want to hear anymore fucking reviews of that goddamned sold out Tom Waits show that I wuz not at. Or if I do, I want it to be a shitty review. I want someone to say it seriously sucked, and that no one wuz the least bit moved or impressed. For starters the damn show wuz so fucking expensive. But that didn't even matter since it sold out so fast.
I am feeling so goddamned petulant right now. It could be the cloud of bugspray that is hovering about this room that is contributing to this harsh fucking irritability. I found a fucking SPIDER nest in here yesterday. Isn't that cozy-warm? They were just little things, like dust. But I know they've got a mama, so kill 'em all! Charlotte's Web did not have a lasting effect on my opinion of spiders I guess.
What the fuck is so deeply lacking right now? What am I missing? What am I needing, longing for? Hollow lying in wait for? What is missing? I'm not really living. This is not the life I want. What the hell am I doing? What am I NOT doing?
"Tell Mr.Man with impossible plans to just LEAVE ME ALONE. In the place where I make no mistakes. In the place where I have what it takes." And why do these two Elliott songs not appear in my mp3 player's playlist? Waltz #1 and #2. I have to physically place them there. Well, as physically as you can get with a computer's desktop. Which reminds me of that (not my fault my dream life is more RICH than my 'reality' life) dream I had last night. "That sounds interesting. Tell me about it." Ha, ha. My PC's screen wuz all mushy. Like an overripe version of the touch sensitive screen. All squishy and soft, and I wuz mangling it all up, putting my hands and fingers all through it. Very cool. A sensual computer screen. There wuz more in my dream life last night, fooling around with some beautiful long blond haired Hanson-esque boy (with better taste in music) on a playing field by my old elementary school... Good thing I didn't have anyone sleeping over or I likely would have molested them in their sleep. ("wake from your sleep..." thom sings) Oooh, that wuz tasty.
"Well it's got to be a chocolate Jesus/ Make me feel good inside. Got to be a chocolate Jesus/ Keep me satisfied." -Tom Waits.