Somebody Kill Me

"you're going to a mental institution"

Jesus Fuck am I bored. I need human contact so damn badly.I'm thinking about something someone told me, a "simple human truth"... And you know that feeling when you are convinced there is one person you are missing, and you would be so fucking blissfully happy if you only had that one person but you're not going to do anything about it cuz God knows that would be the end of it right there. You even know who that person is, and you know where that person is, and how to get that person nearer to you, at least physically, though not sexually which is another story altogether (and why so much gayness, gay sex bla bla if you're not gay? based on that how do you figure you're not gay?) You know, you remember vividly. what kind of coollision would you make with this person what kind of wild could you would you make would you be? You want to give all and you want to give none. you know. you know. I know. How it works- this. One will want. One will receive. One is there out of convenience. The other out of ..what feels so much like love. This is such a joke.

"I SHOUT BUT HE DON'T HEAR, I PUT DOWN ON THE PAGE. DARLING SPARE ME YOUR TEARS, DEAR GOD PLEASE SEND ME THE LIGHT OF DAY"

Totally fucking blew your mind at the time couldn't believe how grand how wholely wanting longing desire you were and you have never felt such urgency, such immediacy and on top of that you had been thrown out of some torrid soul ripping lust fest of your own the likes and intensities and chills and thrills of which you had never known before and were certain you would never know again and this so soon and so seemingly all for you and you are surprised you haven't totally disappeared from this yet I shouldn't write at night. What are you going to do about it? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?

"Like I said, I'm saved. From that shit charade of 'I'm sane, I'm sane', cuz I never claimed I wuz."