I didn't ask, I don't need to know.
I asked my girlfriend if she'd mind and she said 'go for it' too. Which might have been reassuring or freeing to someone else but you know what it says to me, my girlfriend tells me to go for it, it means "Hey, yeah, you're mine, but I don't really care if you're someone else's as well. Whatever."
I can play it cool with that, I can be aloof. Of course I wanted a jealous rage... But that only happens with the weak ones. "You're mine!" I don't think so.
So off I will go.
In my head I am leaving a trail of broken hearts, in saddened bodies, tangled in twisted sheets... But in reality it's just my indifferent libido-lacking girlfriend. "beautiful bitch" My fucking status-boosting girlfriend. She looks so cute at my side when she runs into old friends in those new-agey bookstores and vegan hippie food stores she takes me to. And she seems so cold and witty. You'd think. But she's just cold.
I know I talk big... but let me just tell you this now. No one knows she and I are together. None of my friends. No one of my family. I have always talked like the world could go fuck itself if it came to this, but it has and I am a passive fucking pussy.
You know how blind I get when I think I'm in love? Do you know how one-track-mind I am when I am all hungry-lusting-crazed? I don't care about anything at all. I am homeless, broke, starving, naked, and I'm meeting my woman tonight and she is gonna give me some magic. All is right with the world as far as I can see. You weren't going to tell me otherwise were you? Good luck convincing me of that. I can't hear you. I really can't. You know what I'm hearing.
"situations get fucked up... feel like shit the morning after..." -e.s.
Life and lovin'.