Now I know how Joan of Arc felt

I think you're obsessive

12/15/99

Oh man, I wuz talking to the cutest girl through icq. Of course I won't be taking her seriously, since she is most likely some fat house-bound invalid pedophile male. And not the sweet sunshiney blonde girl in the photo she sent. "I just broke up with my b/f and... are you bi?" Oohhh... I wish I could put the photo she sent me on this page, but that wouldn't be very inconsiderate of me if she is legit.

And that icq guy I quoted the other day is still messaging me. He just told me he loves me.
"I love u very much and always wait 4 you to become online."
Wow.. these are my offers. Holy shit. I don't even know where that guy came from. He just appeared in my contact list one day. And now... he loves me.

So obviously I've booked a flight to go meet him.

Shit, I'm kidding.

Okay, I didn't get that Levi's job. And I haven't been out dropping off resumes since the day of that interview. And there wuz a message from my nanny employer asking me what I have planned for January, "have you made any decisions yet?" Yes! I've decided I hate your fucking kids and I will put a bullet in my head if I waste any more of my goddamned time watching over them! That is my final decision. But if you meant, have I found another job yet, the answer is no. And if you were wondering if (despite my conviction that I will not) I will go back to that job, the answer is... I wouldn't doubt it. In fact, you can probably count on it. Thank you very much.

She's one of my refferals. I can see people calling her up, "Chaara? Uh... she's not a very good employee, no. I wouldn't hire her. I only hired her cuz... I felt sorry for her. She's a sad girl you know. Best that I keep her out here in this suburban wasteland, taking care of my screaming children. Thanks for calling! Bye-bye now!"

Speaking of phonecalls. I have this growing list of people I 'should' call. I've been adding to the list daily. But I haven't taken anyone off the list. Meaning I haven't phoned anyone. (My "dad" is on that list, that could be one reason it's going untouched... )

I'm in a timeless place right now. I'm not aware of days going by, time going by. It's probably due to impending CHRISTMAS, all that mess of seasonal conflicts, chaos. Or it's my amazingly short attention span. I'm finding myself not caring at all about my future. Which is, admittedly, a comfy place to be. Not caring. Not stressed.

But now I'm caring. That phone call, reminding me of the shitty back-up job I have waiting for me if I don't get a better fucking job soon, woke me up a little. I'm waiting for a sunny day to go out and throw my resume around some more. What a convenient thing to wait for hmm? I'm waiting for a sunny day... in Vancouver. Yeah. At that I will get back to job hunting sometime in JUNE. Or July.

Plus, I'm distracted by this Edmonton idea.

I wish I knew how I could put a little button on this page that you could click and have it play The Smiths' "Asleep" for you, cuz this song just came on my winamp and it is so...