I only know they'll never make you stay.

I need to write an anti-suicide rant. I don't know where to begin. I need to write something about this, and I wish that I .. didn't feel so guilty for feeling so fucking upset sad angry helpless pissed off about this. What the fuck could I have done? Who am I? WHY? Why fucken DIE? ---I fear I'm saying all the worst most wrong things to ...those left behind. What are the 'right' things? Think I should just shut my mouth entirely. But I want to do whatever I can to help - Maybe keeping quiet and keeping my distance would help? I don't know. What the fuck is the right reaction? The right behaviour?

And I am so fucking angry that this happened. I'm so fucken mad that she did this. Selfish. I feel guilty/bad that I am so goddamned angry... And this didn't really happen. It's too fucking harsh. Too severe. It's impossible. Simply implausible.

You fucking asshole! How could you fucking do this? How could you not think how many people you would destroy by doing this? How could you not know how many people need you, and how much they need you? How strong and pure and whole you ...were. I never said it to you... You fucking amazed me. You were such a damned bitch. You were indestructable. So potent. You pissed me off so much. And I envied you.

Did you just hunger for eulogies like this? If I had known how fucking far gone you were I would have done anything... Anyone who knows you would have done anything, fucking anything to help you. But you didn't ask... and I didn't know. And who am I? I would have had no influence. Or would I? Who am I? I am so minor in this fucking pointless tragedy, compared to your family. Your family who is destroyed... destroyed over this. Without the fucken answers I'm sure you convinced yourself you posessed, for the questions for your reason for doing this. I want it undone, and I hope you want it undone as well.

I want to hear from you. I want to know where you are. Me and fucking hundreds of others...
You owe us that much, you fucking cunt. Please.