i once was happy all the time. im not now. im not unhappy, just not happy. im not depressed, im not going around complaining to people about how bad it is or about whats wrong with my life and how i cant fix it, im just not happy. now dont get the wrong idea. im very happy at times, just not overall. i dont think i have been for a few months. meh.. maybe im just not grateful idno.

im moving back to great falls. shit aint working out here in janesville and i think itll be easier for me to move back to where at least a few people respect me and truely care. i think im excited, well i know i am for a few reasons. ill get to see the people i care about again. ill sleep in a house where i feel like im wanted. thatll be nice. an attractive girl offered me a place in her house until she went off to college. a proposal i think would be coo, but i wont take her up on it for fear of ruining what relationship we still have. i find i do many things because of how people may react, telling myself im a nice person because of it. i dont think im nice at all. i dont think im mean either. im actually not sure what i think of myself at all. i look at myself and am not entirely pleased with what i find, but i dont do anything about it so really i must not care.

i want a crotch rocket, for a few reasons. first off theyre chick magnets. literally. everytime i drive by one its got girls hanging off in all different directions while its effortlessly doing 120mph. second, im male. i have balls that yearn for adrenaline rushes. somewhere in me must also be a desire to die, cause that is what i will most likely end up doing if i get one. aha but its not everyday that some innocent motorist gets a nice splattering of 120 mph brain pieces on their windshield. it would be worth it just to know that i changed one persons life like that. theyd thank me for it later. prolly give my parents the key to the city or something.

i have a tire that needs repaired as it went flat, suppose i better do that now. but ive got clothes in the dryer that i need to wear, guess ill have to wait till theyre done. i dont think michelle likes me. she never talks to me and when she does its something like 'caleb, can we expect to see some rent soon' to which i reply 'yes michelle, you will see some rent as soon as i get paid by your husband as i have no money because my eyes got infected which i had no control over.' oh well, shell get some money then ill be gone. i think this is where i end todays .. rant. right here.