4:39 PM 5/29/02 Once again I've stayed up later than I probably should have. The sun is not quite up yet. But with the paper being delivered not yet an hour ago I can feel the day has already gotten well under way. I wrote a letter to my friend Liz a time ago, thinking, foolishly, that it would alleviate my fears of the the future. But it seems that not even talking with one of the most pleast conversation carriers in existence is enough to do that.

One time I told a joke about how Man has the tendency, as a species, to point out the obvious. It was then brought to my attention that Man, as a species, is the only creature to talk.
I tried to be a comedian once; they all laughed at me.

Having entertained the thought of writing for some sort of profit for some time now, I've decided to write more often. Not necessarily to anyone in particular, although I need to do that more often. Just to hone my sword. Which, at this point, is not much sharper than Mother Theresa's tongue, nor much more sword-like than my mother's bicycle.

For some time now I've noticed a void in my life. I think that I have finally discovered what is lacking. I am lacking Her. Some day I will find Her and I will be happy. I may also realize that I will never be completely happy. I can deal with that. When you're at the bottom the only you can go is up. But there are those who stay on the bottom, in, as you say, the muck, no matter how hard they try to get out (holy over use of commas.)

Back to staying up later than necessary. It seems to be the thing that I just do now. My sleep cycle has been mal-adjusted, if you will. Malady. Truly.

I yearn to just let my pen flow. But I'm retarded and lack such ultra-abilities. Pens, like streams, don't flow without sources, and my source is seriously lacking.

Work. A necessity to those of us who are not fortunate enough to live in monetary states of grace. Right now I don't work much. And that works for me. I would like more money, but that requires more work. Boo. But, as people know, I'm joining the Air Force. Effective as soon as my waiver is approved. Then I too can shooot the Proverbial Commies.

I've neglected some of you. For that I apologize. I am truly an asshole. But, obviously, not the sort of asshole that gets girls. Just the kind that everyone loves to hate. That's me. Your "always in your mind, never in the front, neighborhood asshole."