In My Eyes, ch. 9 Chapter Nine

We all quickly get out to examine the damage. Luckily, neither car is injured but within seconds a man wearing jeans, a navy sweater, and rather messy blonde hair runs out, fuming. “What the bloody hell is wrong with you bastards?”

I gawk as he looks up. “…Peter?”

“What the—Julia?” Some serious love he has for me…enough to go and show it to some other girl in the backseat of a car. Peter’s expression change immediately from anger to regret. “Julia—Julia, I’m sorry, I didn’t think you’d—“

I remain silent. The last thing I want is a full-blown out argument in front of everyone.

Peter suddenly becomes conscious of the surroundings. “But bloody hell—you’re no better! Look at you—out with two friggin Beatles! What? You wouldn’t let me in, but you’re fine ready to go out and screw two bastard Beatles? You tart! You bloody wench! I wipe my arse with prettier things than you.”

My face burns. Of all humiliations. What could I possibly say to end this nightmare? Suddenly, Paul jumps from behind me and attacks Peter. I try to stop him, but before long Paul has Peter nailed to the back of his car. Paul gets a nasty hit to the eye but retaliates with a painful hit to Peter’s stomach.

I stand still, completely frozen. John pulls Paul off of Peter and we drive off in utter silence. We return straight to Pam’s flat. Pam and I leave John and Paul in the living room as we get some ice.

“Julia, you’re amazing. You literally have guys fighting over you.”

I sigh. “You know that was the last thing on earth I wanted to happen tonight. I can’t stand seeing guys act macho—the fight was unnecessary—and I was having such a great time dancing with Paul and all.”

“Yeah, but we should bring lover boy this ice before he begins to look overly macho.”

Paul looks distinctly embarrassed but politely accepts the ice. Pam scoots in next to John on the couch and I am left to take the facing chair.

“Paul, are you sure you’re okay? Do you need anything else? Pam and I would go out and get it—“

John answers for him. “He’s fine, luv. I think all he could use is a cold shower.” Paul shoots John an icy glare that he ignores. “But as it is, I think we should get going—it’s pretty late.”

As he and Paul leave, John gives Pam a peck on the cheek. Why must he encourage her? The door closes and Pam turns to me. “Julia, I don’t know what to do! I’m in love with John—deeply, utterly, wholly in love with John.”

“Well he certainly likes you. But Pam we’ve been through this, you know he likes you, you adore him, but he’s legally and morally binded to Cyn with a diamond ring and a beautiful bouncing baby boy.”

She sighs. “I know. But when he kissed me—Julia—I’ve never been kissed like that. It was magical. It was John Lennon.”

“Oh take a cold shower!”

Pam giggles. “I just might. But on the topic, what was this with Peter? Are you hurt Julia?”

I shrug. “Not really. I never was that serious about him, which always made me feel guilty. If you remember correctly I had originally just used him to get a rise out of Paul.”

“Well I must say Peter certainly served his purpose! Plus bonus! This expensive opal necklace!”

“Oh Pam! That’s awful, it’s horrible to think of guys so. It’s just too manipulative.”

“But it gets you bonuses…”

“Well I must say in this case it did,” I laugh.

“But Julia, I don’t understand. Why did you let him talk to you the way he did? Why didn’t you argue or try to stop him?”

I sigh. “I guess it just didn’t seem worth it. He meant little to me so his words meant little to me. I must admit he was rather cruel, though. I don’t know, I guess it was also the surprise of the whole situation, plus the embarrassment of having all you there.”

“Yes, which also worked to your advantage. You were finally able to have it proven to you that Paul is crazy over you. No other way he’d act so stupid as to attack Peter—and don’t you try to object.”

I smile. “Well, I have no reason to. I’m overjoyed to think that Paul likes me. Dancing with him—oh, it was wonderful. I felt like I was dreaming…”

“Looks like you’re the one who needs the cold shower!” Pam laughs. I roll my eyes. Pam smiles. “At any rate, we better get to bed before anymore craziness ensues, there’s only so much insanity I can stand in one night!”

I agree and we both go our separate ways to bed. I wake up at seven and find myself unable to fall asleep. I enter the kitchen and decide to make pancakes. I gather all the ingredients and begin my breakfast.

Before long I pour the batter onto the sizzling pan and make a Mickey Mouse head. Pam enters. “Mmm…pancakes…any for me?”

I smile. “Of course.”

“What made you such an early bird this morning?”

“It was against my own will. I woke up at seven and couldn’t fall back to sleep.”

“Ah, I see.”

Pam and I enjoy breakfast and watch some morning television. As I change into my outfit for the day the phone rings.

I throw on a bathrobe and run to see Pam on the phone. She hands me the phone saying, “It’s John. He asked to speak with you.” Pam clearly looks a little hurt that the call wasn’t for her.

“Good morning John.”

“Hey Julia. I’m calling to give you an update on Macca. I’m sure you’ll be glad to know he’s fine and is doing a rather good make up job of covering up the shiner.”

“Is he alright?”

“Believe me, he had worse back in the Cavern days. Besides Peter wasn’t much of a fighter to begin with. Anyway, I was calling you about Jane.”

My heart skips a beat. Jane Asher…Paul’s much publicized “perfect match”. Where do I stand a chance?

“If you remember, I had told you that first day that they hadn’t been speaking for a week or so. They were arguing. Well it just so happens that that same night after we left all went home, Jane had decided to stop by and try to work things out to find your lovable, charming Macca in bed with that bird from the club,” John continues. “Jane flipped, she stormed out and is refusing to accept any of Paul’s apologies.”

“Oh,” is all I can manage as a response.

How am I supposed to respond to this? Even if this opens a door for me, do I really want to walk into the life of a man who is even willing to cheat on a gorgeous, famous British actress and model, nonetheless, me? If I let myself fall in love I’d be in danger of finding myself in the position of having my heart break into a million little pieces.

“Look Julia, I’m not trying to discourage you from Macca. The point of this was as an ‘update’. Paul and I have been mates for what seems like forever. I love the lad, but you also have to be aware that he’s not the one-bird type of guy. No matter how much he thinks he’s in love he’s always slept around. We all have. Now if that doesn’t bother you, you should know that you have definitely fallen into a perfect moment. That bastard Peter is out of the picture and now Paul is out looking for someone else to spend his time with. You know he likes you. It’s great.”

“John this is a lot for one sitting.”

“Yea, I know and I hate getting so serious myself. But I thought I’d let you know, keep the friendship thing going. But, hey uh, can I talk with Pam?”

I smile. “Sure.” Well at least it will stop Pam from pouting.

“Pam! John wants to talk with you.”

She beams and grabs the phone. I walk back to my room. It had felt so right being in Paul’s arms last night. But I’ve never really let myself believe the dark side of the Beatles—the side my dad tried to warn me about.

In Jane’s position I don’t know how I would have reacted. Even just seeing Paul dance with that cheap excuse for a female made me sick, but after spending all those years with him, to catch the two in bed? The thought makes me nauseous.

Well Julia, you know you can’t get all that serious with him as it is. You’re returning to America in eleven days. You’ll be home. This will be nothing more than a memory. A memory that won’t seem real.

I might as well make the most of it. Live it up. But does that mean I’ll be expected to sleep with him?

There is a loud pounding on the door. “Julia! Julia!”

I open the door. “What?”

Pam bursts in the room. “Please bring me to my senses. Please remind me of why I shouldn’t love John the way I do again. Please.”

“Why? What now?”

“He asked me to spend the day with him I told him I couldn’t. I just know if I do I’ll end up sleeping with him.”


Sex had rarely been a topic of detailed conversation between Pam and I. Neither of us really discussed how far we had gotten or such topics that have always been considered “Bad Girl things”. We have always remained the innocent, “Good Girl” children of the 40s. Or so we always liked each other to think.

“What?” says Pam now exasperated. “I don’t know, Julia. This is John Lennon. He’s a Beatle. I worship him. I love him. He always sleeps around. Cyn’s oblivious. Why can’t I do it, too? I know I probably don’t mean as much to him as he means to me, but why does it matter? Why does it bloody matter if I can enjoy myself?”

“Pam, you should know better than that!”

What if Cyn were to walk in on the two of them? And even it they were to spend their ‘outings’ together back here at Pam’s flat, what if I walked in on them? I was just sympathizing with Jane and now I’m left with a best friend who wants to join in on the whole Beatle situation as a device to encourage the Beatles to cheat. She would fall into the place of the ‘bird’ from the club.

“Better than what? Better than to have some fun while I’m young? We’re all going to die any way so why not go out an enjoy ourselves?”

“Yes, but not with married men! I don’t care if he’s a Beatle. I don’t care if you think you love him. But he’s married. And that in itself should stop you. Don’t cheapen yourself like that. Pam I care about you. You are my best friend in the world and I don’t want to see you to turn into nothing more than another groupie on John’s list. Let him respect you as a friend—not an intimate friend.”

Pam remains silence, she looks hurt that I would make her sound so cheap.

“Listen Pam. You came in here asking me to bring you to reality. And that’s what it is in its entirety. Reality. You’d soon just turn into a fling and he’d end up either losing interest or turning you into some sort of wench. He’d lose respect for you. He’d begin to treat you the way he treats Cyn.”

Pam looks at the carpet. She turns around and walks over to the window beside the closet. “I knew this. I knew this all myself. I guess I just needed to hear you say it. I’m living in a dream. I suppose I’m just having trouble separating my dream from reality. Thank you Julia.”

With that, Pam walks out.

I sit a while on the magenta bed and take out my notebook. I flip to a new page.

What have I fallen into?

What determines self worth?

Have I sold myself for nothing?

Prepared myself for dearth.

I’ve spent hours thinking bout him.

Wishing for his love.

Contemplating scores of love songs,

But was it all wrong?

Should I be lookin’ head,

For my future days,

Married, children, Mr. Right,

Far from this deep romance.

Well, at least I’ve had inspiration. Whether it’s left me with anything of worth is beyond me.

The phone rings. Pam is in the shower. I run to answer it.


“Hello, Julia?”


“It’s me, Paul.”

“Oh, hello.”

“I was calling cause tonight Ben E. King is supposed to be playing at the Scotch St. James’s and I was hoping you could come with me. George is bringing Patti and John was hoping to bring Cyn and invite Pam along.”

“I’d love to.”

“Gear. I was thinking we could meet up with the rest of them later but first do some things. Hang out at my place perhaps?—I could uh, take a look at those lyrics…”

If that isn’t just an excuse to get me into his house I’d be shocked. Though that would mean I would have to once again tear out my latest inspiration…


“I could pick you up at two?”

“Sure…but, I was curious, will John be calling Pam about the thing at the Scotch St. James’s?”

“Actually, I think he was going to drop by to ask her personally. But that might have been supposed to be a surprise so, uh, try to keep it hush-hush okay?”


“Okay luv, see you then. Bye.”

I hang up and run to Pam’s room. I knock on the door and she answers in a towel.

“Pam, Paul just called.”

“Did he?”

“Yes, and he’s picking me up in an hour or so…at two…I haven’t checked the time but he also said that tonight he, me, Patti, George, Cyn, and John were going to the Scotch St. James’s to see Ben E. King and that John was going to ‘drop by’ to invite you personality. Now Paul asked me to keep it ‘hush-hush’ but I felt I needed to warn you.”

“Thanks. This will certainly let me know once and for all where I stand with John.”

“Why? What do you intend to do?”

Pam smirks mischievously. “I intend to see what happens.”

Chapter Ten

Written by Jane Anderson. May not be reproduced in any form by any means without the permission of the author. Permission may be obtained by e-mail.

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