I admit it, I was starting to like him, more than I preferred, a lot more. I knew things would never work out; I wasn't his type of girl, well, maybe I was, but not the type he could show off in public. A Beatle wife is supposed to be a nice, wholesome, British girl with little cute dresses.
Not me whatsoever. As I laid there that night, I couldn't help but think about the situation, the key is distance, I had to distance myself from him. For all I knew he may despise me, but still, if a broken heart could be a possibility, I won't let that happen to myself, I won't be a pitiful little lovestruck fool.....especially not for John Lennon.
Wrapped up in my own thoughts I never realized the figure sitting in the chair right across from me, until he lit a cigarette. It was Paul.
"What are you doing up so late?" I asked him curiously.
"I couldn't sleep." he replied.
"Something on your mind?" I inquired. "Nothing important, work-related stuff. What about you, you seem out of sorts these days." he said, taking me off guard.
"No....uh, nothing really." I replied searching for an answer, but then again, why did I need to lie, what was going on with me.
"Why don't I believe you, it wouldn't have anything to do with our John, would it?" he suggested slyly.
"No, of course not." Is that the truth? I asked myself.
"Well, if you say so, I'll be off to bed now, we have a lot of work to get started on when we go back in a few days." he stated while walking to his room.
"Paul, when are you two leaving?" I asked.
"Sadly, Thursday. All the more reason to get my rest, it's almost time to get back to work." he replied.
"Thursday." I mumbled to myself. It's Monday now, that leaves 3 days.
Why am I worried about it? I asked myself turning over one last time, before I dozed off.
As I awoke the next morning, all was still in the room, they were both still sleeping.
I decided to grab my stuff, and get out of there, I didn't know why, but I thought it best not to see John again.
I made my way home, and entered an empty house, my sister was probably at school, and my mom, well, I'm sure she was at work. Having the house to myself, I put on some sweats, grabbed some chips and soda, and vegged on the couch watching TV. After about 1 hour of I Love Lucy reruns, I dozed off only to be woke up by the phone.
"Hello." I said groggily.
"Harmony?" the voice replied.
"Yeah, it's me." I practically mumbled.
"Hey, it's John." Something I already knew.
"Yeah, what's up." Please let me off this phone, why was it hard to even talk to him?
"Why did you take off so fast this morning? You didn't even say bye." he asked sounding somewhat disappointed.
"Well, I uh, I had some things I needed to do around the house today." I lied.
"Oh, well, whenever you're through, would you like to go out with me tonight?"
Oh God, he's asking me out!
"Well, uh, I don't think so, I'm not feeling very well." I lied once again.
"Oh, very well then, hope you feel better." he replied slightly sad.
"Thanks, I guess I'll see you around, and have a safe trip home." I said trying to hang up.
"OK, uh, thanks." he replied.
"Bye."
"Ta, for now." he said just before hanging up.
What is that supposed to mean? For now? Please don't let this happen God, I cannot fall for this man, it just wouldn't be fair. Suddenly, the key in the front door broke me from my daze, it was my mom.
"Hey Mom, you have a good day at work?" My mother and I had been getting along much better lately. As a matter of fact, it's been since John came into my life.
"Of course not, I'm exhausted." she replied plopping down on the couch. "Well, you don't worry about a thing, I'll cook dinner tonight." I said, happy to relieve a little of her stress. "Well, what's gotten into you?" she asked raising her eyebrow at me.
"Nothing, why does something have to be going on, I just wanna do something for you." I answered while walking into the kitchen. Soon returning with some iced tea for my mom.
"Thank you dear, you seem to be in great moods. Would this have anything to do with a certain man we all know?" she asked.
"No, who are you talking about?" I asked already knowing the answer, these people won't let up on this will they?!
"I think you know who, so, why don't you tell me what's going on." she said.
"All right, I guess so, but no, were not seeing each other, far from it. He just called me and asked me out tonight, but I said no." I told her.
"Why on earth did you say no?" she asked shocked.
"Mom, I don't want to fall for him, I like him enough as it is, it would never work out, and I would end up with a broken heart, so when he called I told him I was sick." I answered looking into her sympathetic eyes; she knew exactly how I was feeling. It took her 33 long years to find a man as wonderful as my step-dad.
"I just don't think you should give up on it that easy. If you go around in life never even giving love a chance, you'll never be happy." she stated while walking out of the room.
I had no reply for that, she was right, but that didn't mean I was going to listen, I already had my mind set, or so I thought.
That night while I was making dinner, I had so many things on my mind don't even pretend to wonder what, I know all of you out there know exactly what, or should I say who, was troubling my little head. Busily stirring and sweating over the stove, dancing with the radio, I never even bothered to notice the doorbell.
As I danced around to one of my favorite songs I sang my heart out in that kitchen, I turned around to drain my broccoli in the sink and spotted a figure standing in the doorway of the kitchen that stopped me in my tracks.
Whoever this was I could tell they were laughing, I knew I didn't even have to look to see who was taking pleasure in my embarrassment.
Slowly turning my head with a go to hell look already in place, I just stood there and stared.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" I shouted over the music.
"WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" he shouted back.
Walking over, I turned the radio down, and looked at his innocent face, no more than 10 inches in front of me, and I went soft.
"John, what are you doing here?" I asked again, hearing my voice take a softer tone.
"Well, you said you weren't feeling well, so I brought you this." he replied while holding out a covered bowl to me.
"What is it?" I continued.
"Chicken soup, I thought maybe the cold might have gotten to you, so I thought that would help." he said, looking proud of himself.
"You didn't have to go through all that trouble, really." I said, whispering the last word feeling guilty for lying about being sick.
"It was nothing, I just thought you could use it, but it looks like you're feeling much better." he smiled.
"Well, yeah, we'll talk about that later, but thanks anyway for the soup." I replied while storing it in the refrigerator.
"Well, that's what I came here for, so I guess I'll be going now." he mumbled while walking away.
"John, don't go yet, why don't you stay for dinner, there's plenty for one more."
Where the hell did that come from? Stupid stupid stupid girl.
"Are you sure it's no trouble?" he retorted.
"No trouble at all." I replied. Feeling like it was about time to bang my head on the wall; I was only torturing myself.
As I finished up dinner, John sat in the living room talking and having coffee with my mom, I knew that was trouble. Every so often I could hear her laughing and carrying on. I knew that somehow life would be cruel and she would love him more than she already did.
"Dinner's ready." I said while putting the final touches on setting the table.
John, my sister, and my mom seated themselves, and we served ourselves some of my Chinese Schezuan chicken stir-fry. Dad couldn't make it for dinner, because he was of course working.
"Thanks John." "It was our pleasure to have you, John." My Mother gushed, I just wanted to give her a good kicking in the shin for that one.
"Well, I really must be going now, I've got to pack up for our trip home. Thanks again for having me over." John said with gratitude.
"I'll walk you out John." I said slowly.
As we walked out the door, the click of it closing made me feel isolated with him, but content nonetheless.
"Well, I hope you have a safe trip home." I said slightly fumbling for words.
"Thanks, it was fun, I don't know what I would've done on this trip without you." he smiled.
Oh no, I thought, he's getting mushy on me here, no way this can be good.
"That's not true, you don't need me for fun." I said trying to laugh it off.
"Well, thanks anyroad." he said again.
"It was no problem, I had fun too." I smiled, maybe it wouldn't be so bad.....no, don't even think that!
After one handshake, he pulled me into a hug, which wasn't as uncomfortable as I thought, actually, it was quite wonderful. Then he whispered something to me I won't forget.
"Vous êtes toujours à Mon Coeur," he said into my ear as he put my hand on his heart.
I knew exactly what he said, I had taken French in high school, and that right there is what made me do what I'm about to do.
"John, would you like to stay around for a quick cup of coffee, it's a nice night, we could sit out here if you like." I queried.
"Well, I suppose that would be nice." he grinned.
"Great, I'll be back with the coffee then." I responded.
"Well, did he leave?" my mom asked as I entered the house.
"No, we're going to drink some coffee out on the porch first." I retorted, not even stopping to see the bright smile on her face.
I grabbed what was left in the pot after dinner, some sugar and cream, placed it on the tray with some cups, and made my way back outside.
We drank some coffee, sat for a while and looked at the stars. Every once in a while one of us would make a comment on a constellation, or some other small thing.
At one point I remember John putting his arm around me, after that, I laid my head on his shoulder, and dozed off.
Very comfortably, I might add.
Written by Jeanna. May not be reproduced in any form, by any means, without the permission of the author. Permission may be obtained by e-mail.