As we stood there kissing, I knew what was on his mind, or I could feel what was on his mind.
Which got me to thinking, what if this is all he ever wanted from the beginning. If I do this what if he no longer has respect for me? What if he never did?
All of these thoughts flooded my mind, and I started to panic, not knowing what to do, I broke away from the kiss.
"I'm sorry, John, I can't do this." I apologized while running from the room.
The last thing I heard was him calling my name, begging me to stop. I didn't, I just kept running, and went home.
When I arrived at my house, it was still dark inside, so I just went to my room and went to bed. I knew that John was leaving tomorrow, and I decided that my initial decision was best; stay away.
The next morning, I was awoken by the ringing of the phone, thinking it might be him I didn't answer it, I just waited for my mom to come to my door, but she never did. I will admit that I was slightly disappointed that it wasn't him, but there was nothing I could do now.
Trying my best not to think of it, I just hopped out of bed and into the shower, but nothing could take him off my mind.
I finished washing up, and returned to my room to get dressed. Glancing at the clock I saw that it was already 11AM, he's gone already. Well, I made my choice, I'll have to deal with it.
It had been weeks since that night I ran from John's room, he had not called, not once, seemingly confirming my suspicions that he didn't really care.
Although I know I was nothing to him, I still couldn't get him out of my mind, I thought of him night and day, day and night. I couldn't sleep, I could barely eat, and I looked like hell.
My Mother pleaded with me to call him, but I told her if he cared at all, he would call. Which he hasn't, so in my eyes he doesn't.
One horribly boring depressing night, I was sitting at home alone, when all of the sudden the phone rang. I had a weird feeling in my stomach.
Slowly, I picked it up.
"Hello?" I said nervously.
"Harmony?" the stranger stated.
"Yes, it's me."
"It's John." He sounded somewhat serious for him.
"Um, uh, hello." I replied.
"How have you been, it feels like ages since we've talked." he asked.
Ugh, maybe he wasn't serious after all.
"I'm quite all right I suppose." I answered dully.
"You don't sound all right, listen, there's something I need to talk with you about." he said in a serious tone once again.
"Uh, uh......" I had no clue what to say.
I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle anything he wanted to say so I just fieghned a bad connection.
"CHCHHHCHHH......JOHN....CHCHCKJKHHCH...I THINK WE HAVE A BAD CONNECTION......CHCHHCKHLCHCHCCHC." Click.
I quickly hung up the phone, not only was I not prepared for that, but I couldn't stand the sound of his voice, it just made me miss him that much more.
Needing to get out of the house, I grabbed my things and went for a drive, it's no surprise where I ended up. Right in front of The Chestnut Inn.
So many memories, all gone now, he probably never gave a damn about me. That is such a saddening thought.
At that moment, an overwhelming feeling of sorrow swept over me, and I just started sobbing, right there in the street in my car.
When I had finally cried all of my tears, I started up my car, and headed back home.
When I walked in the door, my mom was sitting on the couch waiting for me.
"Where have you been?" she asked me.
"Just out taking a drive." I replied dragging my feet to the kitchen for some aspirin.
"Harmony, come sit with me honey, I want to talk with you." she said motioning for me to sit, so I obliged.
"How are you feeling, honey?" she inquired.
"Uh, fine." I tried to force a smile.
"Harmony, don't pretend with me, I know that you're not fine." she replied.
"Mom, trust me, I'm OK." I lied.
"Still no word from John, huh?" she asked, looking down.
"Uh, no, nope, he hasn't called at all." I lied once again.
"Well, I have something for you your father and I bought today. Honey!! Can you come in here; Harmony's home." she called to my Dad in the other room.
My dad came in the room, holding some sort of envelope in his hand.
"What is it, Dad?" I asked curiously.
"Well, we know your situation with John, and we think the best thing for you to do is talk with him. We are tired of you being miserable, we know how you feel about him, we were young once you know." My father smiled knowingly at my mom.
The anticipation was killing me.
"Come on, tell me, what is it?" I asked once again.
Without a word, my dad handed me the envelope with my name on the front.
I opened it to find a round trip ticket to London. I didn't say anything I was so shocked, I just looked at my parents in awe.
"We want you to go to him, tell him how you feel, I know if you don't, you'll regret this forever." my mom said sincerely.
"I don't know what to say Mom, all I can tell you is that I'll think about it, I just don't think it would make a difference." I said sadly.
"Well, we don't want to make you do anything you don't want to do, it is an open-ended ticket, you just take your time and think about it, now go get some sleep." my dad smiled.
Hugging both my mom and dad, I retired to my room, and fell asleep with
dreams of John and I in London, together, actually together.
Written by Jeanna. This is original work and may not be used in any form, by any means without permission from the author. Permission may be obtained by e-mail.
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