The days following her passing seem like a blur. I remember denial, wanting to call her and talk. Picking up the phone and then realizing, she won't be there, ever. Never again. It was so hard to accept. Accept that she would be gone forever. Only do I realize now that she's not, she will always be in my heart, in my head where I can see her anytime I want.
At the funeral, I know she was smiling down on all of us, wishing us not to cry, only to remember her as happy as she was. To this day, I can't help but smile.
The months that followed were quickly dismissed, I found myself just barely living, going through the motions. Waking up, eating occasionally, crying and sleeping. I would often find myself alone just looking at old pictures. This is when I believe I was sent my Earth Angel.
It was now winter and I had been realizing the cloud that had been over my eyes. Deciding to do something with life, I got up and got a job.
I found part time work with my Mom's company, I worked in accounts payable, and was officially the youngest in the office at 18. Working didn't help as I had thought it would. I still frequented the bars and clubs at night.
Constantly approached by many suitors asking for a dance, one after one, I turned them away. I would have rather sat alone and drink my sorrow away. I would continually wake to find myself either parked in front of my house, or a parking lot.
My parents had begged me to seek help, but that wouldn't do any good, I didn't think I needed help, nor did I want it. I would repeatedly argue with them and once again run away from my problems trying to find comfort in the bottom of a liquor bottle.
I lived everyday in a daze, never noticing anything around me. My work started slacking and I eventually lost my job. I still didn't care, I just thought of the more time I'd have to be alone, sit and just have one more round, and the one more would eventually turn into five more.
I went on like this, until one day everything changed.
As I sat at the bar that night, I was in a particularly depressed mood, more so that usual. I had already had enough to drink to probably kill a horse, but still asked for more, ordering drink after drink I just sat in that little table in that dark corner sobbing. When I suddenly heard a voice above me.
"Excuse me, are you all right luv?" the strange man asked.
"Please go away." I cried never looking up.
"Do you need some help?" he continued.
"NO! I don't need your help or anyone else's, now GO AWAY!" I shouted while finally looking up at him.
I thought he looked familiar, but I quickly dismissed it.
"Well, um, I'm very sorry to bother you." he finished as he walked away.
I don't quite know what happened that night. I had no idea how or when I returned home. I remember waking up as the warm sun kissed my cheeks, and found myself lying in the porch swing at my house with my coat serving as a blanket. Thinking I must have driven home, I quickly made my way in the house and to my room, in the hopes that my parents would still be asleep.
Not being able to sleep, I ran a hot bath, and just soaked in the steamy water until my skin turned to prunes. Stepping out I heard my Mom talking downstairs, so I quickly went to my warm bed and fell fast asleep. I dreamt of my Grandma that morning, and of someone I only knew in my dreams, someone who loved me, someone I did not know. Someone that I knew was a fantasy, but I always had the feeling they were just around the corner, and I wished that oneday, the mystery face would be revealed, but until then, no one, not even my family could help me.
That afternoon I awoke to the buzz of my alarm, I slowly dragged myself out of bed with a horrible headache. Wearily putting on my robe, I decided to go take another bath, just as I was stepping out of my room, the doorbell. When my mother answered, I heard a strange voice ask for me. Curious as to who it was, I stood around the corner listening, just out of site.
"Yes, ma'am, I found your daughter asleep at The Tavern last night passed out so I drove her home. I just came to return her car." the stranger said.
At this point I was boiling mad, I couldn't believe this guy had the nerve to drive my car, and with me in it! He had stolen my car, and kidnapped me!!
Well, this would not be taken lightly, I just barreled down the stairs ready to chew him out. When my Mom heard me coming, she turned, and it revealed just who was at the door, and this is what shocked and amazed me. But still, did not calm the fire in my blood, and I had planned to tell him just what I thought of him.
Written by Jeanna. May not be reproduced without the permission of the author. Permission may be obtained by e-mail.
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