Part One: The Pokemon Line.
What makes a perfectly cute and well liked anime character a Crack Rabbit? Power.
Power and, of course, crack.
In order to bring some clarity to my research, let's begin with the first Crack Rabbit in the family line...
Exhibit A: Pikachu.
Pikachu is, in my opinion, the first admitted crack addicted rabbit of all the Pokemon. Evidence: "Pikachu!" Known to only say his name, in double speak (like Chibi Chibi, but she is a freak of the human nature, therefore, dismissed). Pikachu also shows signs of crack because he has a tendency for fighting battles and seems over all hyper. And... he looks like a rabbit. O_O Need I say more?
Ahh, but the evil Pikachu has bred a whole line of Crack Rabbit Pokemon. Pikachu (seen here):
begat a strange and obviously gang-related cousin,
Pikablu, unlike Pikachu, is suspect of joining the South Central Crips in order to score his junk. Look closely, and it is rumored that you can see the tattoo, "livin' large in da LBC." This set off a chain reaction within the ever growing group of Pokemon. Here are just a few of the examples my team and I captured on our hidden Polaroid Instamatic cameras while on expedition:
The "slow" brothers.
SlowPoke, SlowKing, and SlowBro.
Slow meaning that their metabolisms are so broken from constant substance abuse, (ie: Crack, "Maryjane", and from general huffing of common household products) that they are no longer useful to the Pokemon society. SlowKing has been rumored to become "SlowQueen" when the moneyline gets low. O_O
Special JigglyPuff Report:
Please Read: Important Info On the JigglyPuff
And let us not overlook:
Cute Pokies with suspicious names.
Yet again, a classic example of how casual pot smoking can lead to hard PCP-type drugs! Becomes aggresive around Little Debbie Snack Cakes.
Seen many a time by some of my colleagues "chillin in Drowzee's crib" in the poorer districts of Santa Monica, he is notorious for pinching "dimebags" of weed before selling.
Sort of like an odd raddish. Yes, he is a vegetable. No wonder! With his $200 a day habbit and all his Pokemon "bitches", sadly, various bookies and Mafia thugs were forced to rip off his right and left arms. Have you ever seen an Oddish smoke a pipe with his feet?
Leader of the infamous Tune In, Turn On, Drop Out society, he spent his begining days following the Greatful Dead. Unfortunately, 12 bad tabs of Norwegan LSD laced with exorbant amounts of Strictnine and a bad run in with homeade Absynthe led him to crawl into a misc. pokeball. He has not been seen since.
Pokemon, in the most conventional sense,
are fine, outstanding members of society.
But it is the Crack Rabbits you must look out for.
This concludes our look at the Pokemon line of Crack Rabbits. Further research is being done everyday, and you, the public, will be updated as information is accumulated.
Funded by C.R.A.C.K., the Crack Rabbit Authorities of Central Kentucky.
All rights reserved.
Pokemon is a registered trademark of someone. No one was harmed while researching with the exception of our Foley artist, Dave, who naively ate wild mushrooms growing outside of Pomona city limits. 100,000 miles or 10 years warranty. And God Bless America. Buy war bonds.