ABUSERS: Who? and Why?
Abusers come in many shapes and forms. In my personal experience, my parents were at fault. My father, an upstanding business manager for a local distributor for many years. My mother a prominent business owner for 18 years or so. On the outside they seem to be two very normal people. They go to church, they spoil their grandson, and they interact with people. I, being an only child was also "considered" spoiled rotten. My mother always made sure she told people who ever came in contact with me that I was a compulsive liar, an over-exaggerator, and that I'd be the death of her someday.
I believe myself to have always been a "good" kid, considering the abuse that was taking place behind closed doors. We are Catholic, and I always was sent to the most "private" Catholic academy's and schools. I never got into drugs, or drinking, or became pregnant. I was never late, or ran away, although I wished I could.
During teenage years, my mother and I had our arguments. She would chase me through the house, and when she finally caught me, she would sit on me and pull my hair. They used to tell everyone that I was a "mouth" and a hard to handle kid "DON"T YOU TALK BACK TO ME". Which, being a mother now, I know I was just acting out in any way I could for attention, or help.
My parents always threatened me that they were going to put me in an institution, which I was deathly scared of because my mother had been in mental institutions and I never ever wanted to be anything like her.
As I became an adult, I repressed the abuse and my whole childhood. I am now married with two boys, one is 2 years old, and the other is a newborn. Soon after my 2 year olds birthday and the birth of our second child, we discovered my two year old was being abused by them also. Thats when the memories poured in. They were so very traumatic and time consuming. And just like my parents always had said and told us when we confronted them about my son, NOONE WILL BELIEVE YOU MUCH LESS A TWO YEAR OLD......
Well in some respects they were right. The police, the prosecutors, my family don't believe, it's too bizzare for them. The memories I've had and the places I've directed them to, are just "TOO BIZZARE".
The law officials need much better training in repressed memory, and ritual abuse. They need to understand that when they don't believe and take sides with the abusers, they are revictimizing us all over again, and proving the abusers threats to be right all along. The victims NEED TO BE HEARD AND BELIEVED.....In my personal journey, I am being blamed for false accusations and memories. The investigation they've inducted has turned on me. So once again, I am taking the blame for what my parents did. (REVICTIMIZATION...)
On the other hand, there are many people who do support the victims. Personally, my husband and his family, my therapist, friends and neighbors from the present and past. I've contacted many people from my past, babysitters (very few), neighbors, doctors, friends (very few) parents, and they all support and seem to have known that I was abused as a child all along as well as the fact that my parents were "into something". Why noone ever did anything you may ask? They all tell me that it was a different generation and things like abuse were rarely talked about or believed, nor do people want to get involved. I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like had they gotten involved. Would I actually have memories from my childhood? Would I have been with people who truley loved me? Or would my parents have been right, would they have been taken away from me and put in jail, or die?
In some respects we, as a nation have come a long way. We recognize abusive situations and act on them. The medical field is required by law now to turn in any signs of abuse, therapists have come to see the quantity of child abuse, and citizens are more likely to GET INVOLVED if they suspect. But on the other hand, where justice is to be served for the victims, we, as a nation, are stuck in the "old school". We need to come together and fight for victims rights. This I feel begins with more intense education for our law officials. If you've been in a similar position, you, unfortunately, know what I'm talking about.
Victims are NEVER EVER at fault.
Victims need ASSURANCE and SUPPORT.
Victims need to be able to prove the abusers WRONG
and find justice.
But most of all...
VICTIMS NEED TO BE BELIEVED....
If you or someone you know has been abused, believe, support,
and most of all, tell them to fight for justice, for their lost
childhood and for the future of their own children.
VICTIMS: Lets STOP being victims...
If you've been abused, and you are
still "alive and kicking",
YOU ARE A SURVIVOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you have any questions or comments, please E-mail me:firstname.lastname@example.org
My Favorite Links
ANGELFIRE- Easiest Free Home Pages
SURVIVORS LINK-guide to healing from abuse by Olram
Voice your concerns about child pornography and abuse to gov. legislators/senators
MOTHERS AGAINST SEXUAL ABUSE
KIMS SAFE PLACE- There's a candle burning for all survivors here!!
VOICES IN ACTION