Time had taken its toll on The Warrior Princess and her God. Neither one of them had had a break in years. Not that she was complaining, but it would be nice to just kick back and relax for a little while. Xena remembered the argument that she and Ares had had several days ago about the subject. Ares got mad that she wanted him to take time off. He yelled that he had to keep control over the wars that were already full blown. She had yelled back that they needed time for themselves. That SHE needed some time off. It was hell being on top of everything all the time. It took awhile but Ares finally agreed. They would take a vacation. Mortals could fend for themselves for a while. And that’s exactly what they did. Ares found a beautiful old Victorian mansion nestled on the shores of New England in America. They had settled in late last night. Both hungry from their travels Xena volunteered to cook up some dinner. Man this is when she really missed Gabrielle, for even after all the years that had gone by she had to admit she still couldn’t cook. Oh well Xena figured she could do hot dogs easy enough. Besides Ares ate anything she cooked anyway.
Just as Xena was putting the hot dogs on the grill Ares walked in.
“Hi Sweetheart” he said, going over to Xena and kissing her quick on the cheek.
“ Hello to you too. Where have you been?” she responded
“ Looking around mostly. This is quite a spot we’ve found here Hon. Our nearest neighbor is about a mile down the coast. Real old Victorian mansion, older then this place I believe. The Family named it Collinwood after themselves. Only one I saw out and about was a little man, dressed as a servant. “ Ares said sitting down and putting his feet up on the chair.
“ Really. No one else was around? “
“ Nope, not that I saw. But then I wasn’t really into seeing who was out and about.” He grinned, “ I kind of wanted to get home to who I knew was here.”
“ He he he he you charmer you.” Xena laughed “ you about ready for dinner.”
“ I suppose.” Ares mumbled.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Xena asked
“ Nothing Xe… Really nothing…. I was just thinking about things that’s all. Bring dinner on sweety I’m starving” Ares said soothingly. To himself he thought ‘ She’s got many skills but cooking just isn’t one of them. Ambrosia tastes better.’
“ You know” Xena placed the hotdogs and rolls on the table along with some beans and a pitcher of cold Iced Tea. “ I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the past lately myself. Did you ever think we’d come this far Ares? I mean after all we’ve been through you and I. And even our friends. So much has changed.” She sighed
“ I know Xe sometimes I think back too. Hell even some days what I wouldn’t give to have Herc back here to harass. But seriously, you knew this was going to happen a long time ago. We even talked about this remember?” Ares stated.
“ Ares I know. And I’m not ungrateful or even upset about the fact that we are immortal. It’s just some days I miss the old days. You know when You, Gabby, the others, and me were off trying to help people. I miss Eve. I even miss the rest of the Gods. It’s just you and Aphrodite and Celesta now. Sometimes I still can’t believe that they chose oblivion to living as plain immortals and not gods. And we don’t see Aphrodite or Celesta all that often.” Xena replied as she took Ares hand in hers.
“ You know what I miss most about the old days Xena. I miss our being able to get in the middle of battles. Of deciding whom the victor was going to be. Now it’s just having to constantly watch humans go at themselves. And the new weapons… By the Gods, even Hepheastus himself couldn’t have thought up those. I miss Eve too. I think the hardest part for me was letting her grow up. Knowing that she would follow her path and eventually grow old. But you know when I think of her I also think of the many descendants she’s shared with us. Even though we may not always be able to interact with them. Knowing that our blood runs through humans today is a bit satisfying. Don’t you think?” Ares asked then reaching for a Hot dog he began to eat.
“ I agree with you there. It’s nice knowing we’ll live on. But I guess some days I just feel old. How much have we seen together Ares? And when will it end? Is immortality really such a good thing? After 3000 years and more for you. Do you ever just wish it would end?” Xena commented
“ Xe….. Oh Gods no don’t talk like that. I don’t know if I could go on without you. Maybe if I knew that we could spend eternity together. Then death might not be so scary. But I would rather live with you by my side that risk never being with you again.” Ares shocked face and imploring words affected Xena. “ Besides being immortal isn’t so bad. Think of all the wonderful people we’ve met over the years. I know some have been real bastards but for the most part I don’t think I would have wanted to miss out on watching mortals evolve. You know when they put a man on the moon. I thought, they’ve just about reached their own godhood. I might not be a sitting God of War anymore. I don’t shape battles like I used to. But I do like to think that some of what I’ve done over the millennia has contributed to the way mortals are today.”
“Oh Ares. I don’t want to die. I’m not that stupid. Maybe it’s just that I don’t have a purpose anymore. There’s really no one who needs us.” Xena explained.
“Of course there are people who need us Xena. We do help people. Unfortunately it’s just not as open as we used to. I guess all things change. Maybe now is what mortals call semi retirement, we can sit back and enjoy each other for a change. Live again. Maybe, even have another child?” Ares thought out loud.
“ Ares! Do you mean after all this time maybe we can try again?” Xena gasped
Ares stood went to Xena and pulled her into his arms. With his breath caressing her ear “ Why not Xe? Give me a son.” He dipped his lips to kiss her passionately letting his hands roam the plains of her back pulling her even tighter to him.
Suddenly there was a knock on the front door. Both Xena and Ares pulled apart, a little embarrassed, and went to answer the door. Ares got there first. Opening the door slowly, Ares saw that standing on the front porch was the same little servant he had seen earlier and next to him was a Tall, dark, cloaked man with a wolfs head cane in one hand.
“ Good evening Sir” the tall man stated taking a step toward entering the house.
“ Evening to you too.” Ares said, “ Who are you?”
“ Ari who is it?” a feminine voice asked from the parlor.
“ Ari is it?” the cloaked figure stated “ My name is Barnabas Collins, and I own Collinwood Estate up the coast.”
“ What can I do for you Mr. Collins” Ares asked a bit brusquely.
“ Why nothing. I was just trying to pay a neighborly visit. My man here saw you walking earlier, and when I arrived home this evening he told me about following you to this house. I just thought to pay my respects to the new owners. That’s all.” Barnabas stepped back out of the entranceway.
Ares had a gut feeling that something wasn’t quite right about this Mr. Barnabas Collins. But he didn’t want to seem rude so he invited him in for a drink.
Barnabas entered the house and glanced around ‘not bad’ he thought to himself. To Ares he said, “ You’ve done wonders with this old place. Have you been here long?”
“Well actually No. No we haven’t my wife and I just moved in. We’re kind of on vacation. You know from the grind of life so to speak.” Ares stated. Something wasn’t right. He just knew it. Spending his entire life-watching mortals Ares felt that there was just something wrong with this Mr. Collins.
“ Xena we have a guest. Do we have any Port left?” Ares called out.
Xena rounded the parlor doorway. When she saw Barnabas standing in the foyer she gasped. Ares eyed her warily, he knew Xe sensed something. Just as he was trying to figure out what, Xena gave an AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEE and flipped over Barnabas’ head to land in front of Ares.
” Ari. Do you know WHAT he is?” She cautioned.
“ What are you talking about Xe. What who is?” Ares was perplexed. Xena knew something that he couldn’t quite put his finger on.
Barnabas stood there starring at Xena. ‘How did she just do that?’ he wondered. ‘Who are these people. And more importantly HOW did she know there is something different about me?’ after a moment he cleared his throat and said aloud “ Excuse me, care to let me in on the secret. I just came here to be neighborly”
“ Ares” xena said, “ That is NO mortal being.” Pointing to Barnabas “He is a vampire.”
“What!” Ares stuttered.
If it hadn’t been so dark in the foyer. One would have seen that even Mr. Barnabas Collins’ face took on a whitish hue.
“ Xena what are you talking about.” Ares ground out.
“ Let me explain myself clearer then Sweet-ums. THAT man standing in front of us is no longer HUMAN. He’s a vampire.” Xena had a sarcastic lilt to her voice.
Ares stood there. His gaze going from Xena to Barnabas and back again. Brushing his fingers through his hair he stepped from behind Xena “ Ok folks, lets calm down here. Mr. Collins is my wife correct?” turning to Xena “ are you sure?”
Simultaneously Xena and Barnabas responded, “ Yes!”
Ares rolled his eyes. He was going to take a stab at this again. Seeing as the two people in front of him had now thoroughly confused him.
“ Yes you are a vampire.” He stated to Barnabas. Raising his palm to Xena to silence her when she tried to speak first.
“ Your wife is very perceptive. Ares is it? As in like Ares God of War. Greek god. The whole nine yards?” Barnabas intoned. “ My and I thought I had secrets” he mumbled to himself.
“ BINGO!” Xena shouted behind them.
“Xe calm down. He’s done nothing to warrant your reaction. Why are you being so hostile? I know you don’t have a love for the ‘un-dead’ but Mr. Collins here hasn’t done anything to us.” Ares turned to Barnabas a dark look coming over his handsome features “ Yet?”
Xena took a deep breath. She looked into Ares eyes seeing that he wanted to know more about this man. “ You’re right Ares.” To Barnabas she said, “ I’m sorry for my behavior Mr. Collins. I guess I just get a little too protective sometimes.”
“ Apology accepted Xena” Barnabas smiled. “ You are right though. I am a vampire. However, I didn’t come here to cause either of you any harm. After Dan, my manservant, informed me about seeing Ares on the beach. I became curious as to who would buy this old place. You see this is the house where I was born, lived, and yes died. And also from Dan’s description of you, I must admit I become curious if you were indeed the God of War.”
“ You lived here” both Ares and Xena asked together.
“ Ares, you had mentioned some port? Why don’t we sit in the parlor and have a glass and I will tell you my story. Maybe we can become friends to one another. It’s not everyday that The God of War and his beautiful wife Xena the Warrior Princess drop by and buy my old home. And, yes I have heard of the both of you. Most of it’s in history books and old legends but well I must confess I would love hearing your story also.” Barnabas waved his hand out past the parlor entrance.
“ Good idea” Ares agreed, “ we could all use a drink about now I think.” And he ushered Xena and Barnabas into the parlor.
While he was pouring 3 glasses of Port Ares asked “ how come you didn’t keep this place Barnabas. I may call you Barnabas right?” it wasn’t really a polite question. Ares felt a bit intimidated to be calling him Mr. Collins when Barnabas was calling them by their first names. Usually they went by alternate names with mortals.
“ By all means Ares. Please do. Do you prefer Ares and Xena? Or do you go by other names when walking amongst the living?” Barnabas asked.
“Well Barnabas, we aren’t dead, so that isn’t quite a correct statement” Xena giggled. “ But Ares and Xena will do while we’re here in the house”
“ Ah yes well you see when you’ve been” Barnabas paused. After a few seconds he resumed
“ Like I am for as long as I have been. Well I tend to think of everyone in the ‘past’ tense.”
Ares stepped forward and handed Barnabas his glass of port. Then he turned and handed Xena hers. They all proceeded to sit down. Ares and Xena on the couch. Barnabas on the settee across from them.
“ So tell us Barnabas how did you come to be like you are.” Ares asked bluntly sipping his port.
“ To tell the tale one must go back over 200 years. The year was 1766,I was a young man in my prime. I fell in love with a beautiful woman. She and I shared a passion for life. But I was raised proper and because of that I wouldn’t touch her before we were married. Instead I found ‘release’ with one of the serving girls. Her name was Angelique Depew” he shuddered just saying the name. “I didn’t know it at the time but Angelique was a witch. She despised knowing that I would eventually marry someone else. So one night after we…” he trailed off. “ Anyway that particular night Angelique was in a dark mood. She was whispering things to me that I didn’t know what they meant. We finished and the next thing I knew there were these very large bats flying into my room. They swarmed all over me. Biting me drawing blood. I got weak from the loss of blood, and I suppose I passed out. At least that is what I thought when I came too. However, I came to in the family crypt. Completely sealed in a coffin. I managed to get the coffin open and climbed out. I was to say the least terrified. ‘Why would my family entomb me in the crypt for passing out?’ I pounded on the door but no one heard me. I don’t know how long I stayed there in the dark, but eventually I heard a hideous laugh. And then her voice” Barnabas paused again to take another sip of his port. Ares and Xena were listening intently. Barnabas began again.
“ Where was I” he mused. “ Ah yes. Like I said I don’t really know how long it was until I heard her voice. But I did, and what she said sent shivers through me. ‘ I own you Barnabas. I have turned you into a monster that even your beloved Josette would despise. Exist through the ages knowing that your WHORE Angelique Depew has made you what you will be forever. A hunter of innocents, a demon in the night. The nightmare mothers warn their children about. You will roam this earth for eternity. Seeking and needing human blood.’ I had felt my skin crawl at her words. I understood well enough what she meant. In those days people really did believe in the dark forces. Evil spirits, if you will demons. Angelique had used her witchcraft to turn me into a vampire. Those first few days locked in that crypt drove me nearly insane. My thirst for blood was enormous. By the forth or maybe the fifth day, I started to really pound on the doors of the Crypt. As it would happen an ancestor to my manservant Dan was coming to the crypt to take care of the placement of the flowers. He heard my pounding and opened the door.” Barnabas closed his eyes before he continued, “ I attacked him.” Ares and Xena gasped.
“ I know I know. What you must think of me for that.” Barnabas spoke almost as if he was crying the words. “ But I tell you I was insane with need. However, I didn’t kill him. I just took enough to satisfy my needs. And, to place a hold on Jacob that would last his lifetime. I was new to this. I hadn’t a clue as to what being a Vampire really meant. Jacob though, he knew. You see he was raised in the Caribbean and learned about the dark witchcraft there. After my attack of him, he got to his feet and looked me in the eye. ‘ Mr. Barnabas, I will serve you. I will help you fight the demon Angelique’. I screamed at him. ‘HOW do you know who did this to me?’ he calmly told me all he knew. How Angelique had left the estate several days later. How my father had found me and under directions from him Jacob had buried me in the family crypt. He also told me that when Josette found out about what happened to me. She went into such a state that she threw herself off of Widows Peak. She thought I was dead. I actually sat down on the cold stone of the crypt floor and wept. Angelique had taken everything and everyone away from me. And she had turned me into a monster. Her words were true. I had become the nightmare mothers warned their children about. After I don’t know how long Jacob knelt down to me and told me to come with him. I was in a daze. Unbelieving still. But Jacob he took care of me. He knew what needed to be done. Over time he helped me control the powers that came with being a vampire. I’m sorry to say that he even brought me ‘victims’. I tried very hard never to do severe injury to anyone. I took what I needed and moved on. Never staying in one place too long. Then after nearly 100 years I found out that the newer Collinwood that the family built after my attack was for sale. I suppose that no one wanted to stay in this house afterward. But I don’t really know. Anyway, the newer estate up the coast became for sale. Jacob had invested what little money I had. Some jewels we sold. And I had become very well off. So I bought the place. It wasn’t home. But it didn’t hold the memories that this place does.” Barnabas let his head roll back and closed his eyes for a second. When he opened his eyes he was shocked to find, not loathing in the eyes of his neighbors but compassion.
“ Good Gods man that must have been hell” Ares stated as he rose to get another glass of port for all three.
“ That is so sad about Josette and all. Thank the Gods that you had Jacob there for you” Xena agreed. Ares felt a disturbance in the aether, and looked around.
“ Oh man sweet cheeks what a bummer” they all heard the sticky sweet voice before they actually saw the owner of the voice.
Aphrodite appeared in a shower of sparkles.
“ What a bitch Angelique was. I mean Man oh man if I could still condemn her to Erebus I would.” Aphrodite whimpered as she took a seat next to Barnabas on the settee. “ You are way like a major cutie to be dissed by the babes because of like your appetite.”
Barnabas looked to Ares and Xena, who by this time were nearly falling onto each other in laughter. Ares caught his breath first and said, “ Looks like Dite’s back Xe.” He resumes laughing.
“Will someone please tell me who this creature is? And why is she now nearly sitting in my lap” Barnabas groaned trying to slide away from Dite. Who wanted nothing to do with that idea and kept sliding closer toward the reluctant vampire. Barnabas was actually surprised that he was getting aroused from the movements of this very baffling new comer.
“That” Xena started to explain pointing to Aphrodite “ is my sister in law. Aphrodite, Goddess of LOVE!” her giggles filled the air “And vampire or not. You are doomed now tall dark and handsome. She wants you.” Ares started laughing harder. Grabbing his sides from the pain of his laughter.
“ Oh you poor poor cutie pie” Dite crooned, “ Dite’s here to make things all better. It’s a good thing that Vampires and Gods can get along. Heck Sweetie we can have a ripping good time and nothing bad can come of it.” Aphrodite put her hand on Barnabas’ knee and rubbed slowly. Barnabas felt a strain on his waistband and groaned a bit.
Ares and Xena watched the whole thing still chuckling. But not quite so loudly.
“ Well I must say Dite when you drop in on family you sure do pick the right times Sis.” Ares chuckled. “ We don’t see you for 1000 years and you decide to pay us a visit now.”
“ Oh Ar… you know me sweet cheeks I just have to be doing the love thing somewhere. You and the warrior babe here have been so busy tending your own duties and stuff that it was safer for me to stay incognito. But hey, what have you two been up to. Neat digs. You remodel in early dank?” Aphrodite stuck her nose up in the air
“ Wonderful sister you have their Ares. No wonder you Gods didn’t quite make it” Barnabas sneered jovially.
“ Well you know Barny babe……… Me and the Stud Muffin of War over there are the only gods left” Dite stuck out her tongue.
“ Oh gods Dite stop. Not the stud muffin crap again. Barnabas, don’t listen to Dite. She’s been a bit dippy for 2000 millennia. Something didn’t quite drain in the clamshell birth thing.” Xena was up on her feet, ready for Dite’s challenge.
“ Hey warrior babe. I don’t go poking fun of how you were created. Don’t be messing with my clamshell. Daddy wouldn’t like it you know” Dite pouted.
“ Ladies, Ladies, please no bloodshed here.” Barnabas said. “ Of course unless I am the one doing it.”
Xena sputtered, Ares laughed, and Dite threw her leg over Barnabas’ at his statement.
“Barnabas! How could you say that” Xena exclaimed.
“ I like this man” Ares declared laughing.
“ Very easily my dear. I’ve been this way for over 200 years. I’m not going to change. And in reality, any life right now is preferable to no life. I’ve learned a great deal over the years. That’s how I’ve stayed alive. I knew others like me who were murdered in their sleep. I’ve faced it myself a few times before I learned to be very careful. I’m not a saint Xena. And yes I still do have urges.” Looking square at Ares “ You understand the needs I’m speaking of Ares don’t you?”
Ares stood up and stood behind Xena. Wrapping his arms around her waist. “ Oh Yeah, I guess I do. I love Xena and she loves me. We’ve been to Tartarus and back countless times. We’ve seen things that no mortal has ever seen. And here we still stand as in love now as we were all those millennia ago.”
“I suppose that Barnabas after all is still a man. Just because he um dines on blood doesn’t change the rest of him. Does it?” Xena stated looking to Barnabas for some confirmation.
“ Not in the least Xena, I am still a man, with all the urges and needs of other men.” Barnabas smiled. He could feel Aphrodite’s pulse racing. And it was exciting the hell out of him. “ Of course I am a bit shocked to have such a willing woman throw herself on me. But who am I to argue the tastes of the Goddess of love.” He smiled wickedly at Aphrodite.
Dite was really squirming now. This dark powerful being was definitely getting to her. Before she could react coherently to what Barnabas had said he had reached around and smothered her lips in a bruising kiss. Tasting all that he could. Nipping her lips and drawing little drops of blood. When he finally released her lips from their bondage Aphrodite was completely out of breath.
“Ummm you are sweet Aphrodite. A very fine blend.” Barnabas stated licking the droplets of Dite’s blood from his lips. “ Pardon me for being so bold.”
“ No probs gorgeous” Dite breathed heavily. Wiping her brow a bit. “ Is it hot in here all of a sudden”
Barnabas let out a deep thunderous laugh. Pulled Aphrodite on top of him as they sat on the settee and kissed her again.
“ Don’t mind us at all,” Ares said grinning. I personally think you and Dite look CUTE kissing on the Settee,” he giggled; Xena winced, and elbowed Ares in the stomach. “ Hey what was that for Xe?”
“ That my dear Stud of War is for being a male chauvinist pig” Xena folded her arms across her chest “Shall I tell them exactly YOUR appetites my dear” and she smiled a wicked wicked smile. They both new that they too were feeling a tad warm from the display going on.
“ Ummm well I think we should all maybe turn in for the night. It’s late and well.” Ares winked at Xena “ I must say, Barnabas’ blood isn’t the only thing around here boiling”
Xena actually blushed. “ Why don’t you and Dite get to know each other better Barnabas? Hmmmmm maybe say overnight. And we’ll all meet back here for breakfast. Dinner for you Barnabas”
“ Actually Xena, over the years I have figured out how to be able to remain up during the daylight hours. At least part of the time anyway. How about we all meet for brunch?” Barnabas said
“ Well now cutie pie you mean you really want ole Dite to stay with you the night?” Aphrodite cooed rubbing her hands up and down Barnabas’ chest. “ Ohhhhh that sounds so delicious I can’t wait”
“ My Dear Aphrodite, I would certainly love to have the honor of your presence in my humble home this evening.” Barnabas flashed a devastingly handsome smile at her. Standing up and pulling her extremely close to him. He whispered in her ear “ You my dear are going to find out just how the un-dead ravishes a sweet young body for pure pleasure. And believe me I will start slow… But it won’t stay that way for long”
“ Night bro, Night Warrior Babe. We’ll be toddling off now. See ya laters.” Breathing heavy again Aphrodite grabbed hold of Barnabas’ arm and vanished in a shower of sparkles.
Ares and Xena stood there for a moment. The sound of the front door closing snapped them out of their trance like state.
It was Dan the manservant leaving. No one noticed his extremely pleased smile.
“ Well Love I would say the future is looking Brighter by the minute. To think Dite’s going to get hers in a BIG way” Xena purred resting her hands on Ares’ shoulders.
“ So are you my darling. So are you. Like I said before. Let’s make a baby!” Ares grinned, lowered his head and began passionately kissing his beautiful warrior princess, and they too vanished.
All that was left was the sound of a far off voice echoing, “ The future is Bright indeed”
To Be Continue