|
Twisted Clown as Epic for PPV against Jayzon (1) |
|
Well it appears after yet another hard and trying day at the office slash wrestling ring our Twisted Hero has finally decided to take a little break from his XWF duties and focus on some of the greater things in life. Ah yes the warm sunny beach, the nice cool breeze of the summer air, the blooming flowers in near by gardens, you know the finer things in life, the things we all have but sadly neglect. Wait, I just had a thought! What if one doesn't care for warm sunny beaches, hot summer air, and blooming daffodils? Where does someone like this go? Simple Monster Jam 2001! Ah yes the roaring sound of a engine, the crunching of metal, and yes of course the smell of cheap beer and hot dogs tell me what is there not to love about a monster truck show? The scene opens up in the far end row of some old broken down football stadium, children can be seen running about with cheap fourth of July sparklers and snow cones, parents stumble behind their huge families with very little effort, and concession stand workers have a huge grin on their faces from collecting a large amount of profit. Our Twisted Hero TC can be seen sitting in the second to last row of the arena with a huge bag of popcorn in his lap, and a can of bud light firmly attached to his fingertips. Who would of thought the Twisted One would be appearing at some back wood monster truck show, who in their right mind would book a high dollar XWF star in some little washed up last page of a popular mechanics magazine promotion! Wait, maybe TC is here for his own amusement, maybe he is the type of hick I mean person that enjoys the loud sound of metal being crushed, maybe he is one of the many people that enjoy eating two week old chilly dogs and pop corn, maybe our Twisted Clown yes the man we are grew to know and love is nothing more then a fan himself? A man dressed in a bus boy outfit walks down TC's row and quickly stumbles over to seat 19 you know that chair Twisted Clown is in. Damnit not another annoying fan, does TC actually have to put up with another one of his many fans, fans that would do nearly anything to gain just a piece of the Twisted One's hair! Bus Boy: Excuse me sir I'm going to have to check your ticket. What! No "Hey are you Twisted Clown can I have your autograph", no "Hey can I get a picture with you", no "You're my favorite wrestler"! What the hell is going on here, everywhere TC went this week people would rudely interrupt him in meals, movies, and yes even church why does the world choose today to leave him alone? What makes today different from all those other days? Wait of course it's the Twisted Ones 29th Birth Day (and yes it stops at 29)! Well a whole 29 years of age eh, I'm surprised xlowns are able to live for that long, maybe since they live on the streets they are immune to every disease out there, maybe they have some weird clown powers or maybe just maybe clowns are not people may their aliens, nah that's rather impossible isn't it. Twisted Clown reaches into his old warn out flannel jacket and pulls out his ketchup smothered Monster Jam ticket, he then quickly hands it to the small teenage child with authority. Bus Boy: Hum excuse me sir this ticket says your seat is up in the 20th row not the 19th, I'm going have to ask you to move and get into the seat you paid for. TC: Come on kid it's only one more row up, look barely anyone is at this thing does it really matter is some moves up one row to get a better look at the action? Bus Boy: Well I'm sorry sir we do have our policies, I'm afraid I could loose my job if I allow you to sit one row ahead. Please move from the seat now or I will have no choice but to use lethal force against you. Lethal force? ! Against our Twisted Hero, well I think not! Who does this mere teenage child think he is, does he actually believe he has some kind of power over everyone else, does he think he could move the XWF Show stopping force from his seat! Apparently so with the help of another really strong man. The huge buff and strong man picks TC up by the collar and then tosses him down the stadium steps. The camera fades to the outside of the arena were the Twisted One can be witnessed being tossed onto the cold hard painted concrete of the black parking lot floors. Damnit this is the second time in a row TC has been kicked out of a major stadium last time this happened was at the 1996 Olympics when he set of that one bom never mind that story let's keep track of this one shall we. The Twisted One stumbles onto his feet and slowly makes his way down and out of the parking lot; he then begins strolling down the sidewalk of a huge main street. Still a little hungry and thirsty TC looks around for some kind of restaurant or fast-food place, low and behold a McDonalds lies over beyond the high way! What luck, now TC can go dine at his favorite gourmet restaurant, and look he even has enough money to super size! The now very pleased TC skips across the street and towards the fast-food establishment, stumbles inside, and then gets into the very back of a massive line. Damnit not another line, you would think this place would be less crowded with a Carl's Junior across the highway, why did these people have to choose here to eat, how come they couldn't take their sorry asses over to Del Taco! Oh well patience is a virtue right? A huge stack of yellow papers marked "Sponsored By XWF" suddenly appears over on a wooden trashcan five feet away from the Twisted One, TC seems to be a little interested in the shinny pieces of paper so he decides to go see what's going on after all the papers are marked "XWF" right? As soon as he makes his first step over to the wooden can a huge obese 320-pound African American woman (not that it matters, just ties into the story) shoulder tackles our Twisted Hero and cuts him in line! Twisted Clown: What in the hell! Jesus Christ do you of all people really need food! Obese Woman: What do you mean you people? Are you making fun of the color of my skin, look Mr. racism died out in the 60's ok I think it's time you got caught up with the times. Twisted Clown: I'm not making fun of the color of your skin; I'm making fun of the length of your ass! Look at you, you practically man handled me to get ahead of line, what's the matter afraid they'll run out of those Mc Flurry's, afraid I would get the last one eh! Obese Woman: How dare you! You willing stepped out of that line; you went over to go get one of those- Twisted Clown: I reached over, I didn't even move! Obese
Woman: Well it's not my fault you bumped into me is it! Oh no he did it again didn't he, yes I believe so, Twisted Clown is about to be viciously attacked by a huge fat lady! Wait he is still standing, that's a good sign I suppose. A old man wearing a Mc Donald's uniform suddenly appears out of nowhere, the man stares the Twisted One down and then turns to face the huge women standing beside him. Twisted Clown doesn't seem to be nervous after nearly humiliating the huge obese woman, nah he stands as stiff as a board. Old Man: Has this man been giving you problems? Obese Woman: Yes he called me a cow. Twisted Clown: DID NOT! I said she has sand bags for an ass that's all. Listen this woman pushed me out of line then had the edacity to lie about it, I demand something free now! Old Man: Sir I'm going to have to ask you to leave the building, your stay at Mc Donald's has now ended. Twisted CLown: Wait you can't do this! Why me, why not his freaking whale in the corner! Old Man: Sir please follow me Once again our Twisted Hero follows another person of authority out the door and then stumbles onto the cold sidewalk once more, this time with an irritated look on his face. TC stumbles over to a park bench and decides to rest a spell. Tired, and confused our Twisted Hero stares into the camera revealing both huge bags underneath his eyes, Twisted Clown grins and then waves to the world. Hum TC seems rather chipper after being kicked out of two major establishments, let's see what's up with him shall we? Twisted Clown: Well folks Hell On Earth is less then a week a way, that means Jayzon Williams has less then 7 days to come out and confront your Twisted Hero about tomorrows big pay per view event. Now I know what you're all thinking, how can I Twisted Clown maintain cool and calm right before an event? Well it's simple when you tend you keep on winning people one by one you really don't have time to worry, I mean why would I the Clown Worry? Jayzon you have been actually very silent lately, and I have reason to believe your silence has something to do with fear. After all the complaining, after all the whining, and yes after all the ass kissing I see you finally manage to get a re-match, well congratulations, enjoy the moment while you can because I assure you this will be your last shot! Twisted Clown grabs a newspaper from the bench and begins to wrap himself inside of it; I believe he is trying to use it as a blanket. TC lies on the bench and the begins to ramble one about his match this weekend, suddenly a man with a microphone jumps out of the bushes and makes his way over to the Twisted One. The man wearing a cheap blue suit sits on the bench with a microphone and begins trying to chat with TC; TC just ignores him and continues to try to go into a deep slumber.
Twisted Clown: Wha, hey who the hell are you, and what are you doing on my bench? Baba Booie: I'm Baba Booie from the Howard Stern show, Howard sent me around to interview the homeless. Twisted Clown: Wait, you want to interview me? I'm not homeless though Baba Booie: Why are you wrapped in a newspaper then? Twisted Clown: Well I'm sleeping, damn you're not the bright are you kid? Baba Booie: Right say how would you like to go back to the studio with me, say high to Howard. Twisted CLown: Howard who? Baba Booie: Howard Stern! The King of all media! Twisted C: Ah, that lame ass sure why not lead the way. Baba Booie: Before I take you on the show I must warn you Howard may ask some rather embarrassing questions Twisted C: Oh I don't care I can ask questions to right? Baba Booie: I don't see why not Twisted Clown: Cool lead the way. Baba Booie: Oh yes one more thing, you have to put a thong on. Twisted Clown: I'm cool with that; take me to your leader! Baba Booie: Oh yes and you have to take a lie detector test! Twisted Clown: Really hum ok I guess I'm ok with taking a test. Baba Booie: Cool, then follow me this way. The
Twisted One follows Baba Booie down the sidewalk with a confused look across
his face, the Twisted One is about to get into yet another weird storyline
that will end up embarrassing very badly. Does he know, does he care, does he
even give a damn? Hell I don't know, all I know is that TC is must be really
dense or really brave to go on the Howard Stern show. The scene fades out to
the Twisted One and Baba Booie walking down the sidewalk. |