In recent years, the D/s collar has become less and less understood. i am approached by many with the questions; "Should I collar her? she wants my collar, what do you think? she's been collared twelve times, but I don't want anyone else to snatch her up, should I give her my collar? Is it too early to collar her?" or "He asked me to wear His collar, what do i say? i'm not sure i'm ready to be collared, isn't that a big commitment? He just released His last sub should i wait awhile to ask for His collar?" " He has other collared subs/slaves, i thought a collar was a commitment. Isn't it?" Ninety Nine percent of the time my answer is the same. If you have to ask your not ready.
However in considering the traditions of the Old Guard leather community, i think perhaps one of the main reasons the collar has become so meaningless to so many, is the lack of understanding. It seems to be considered a type of status symbol in the understanding of most new to the lifestyle. If we wish the collar to be viewed in it's traditional sense, it is necessary for us to educate those who do not understand it's meaning. Therefore the following pages will attempt to describe the stages and meanings for each stage of collaring, as well as the proper / traditional response to each stage by the Dom, submissive, and others.
It is Master's and my wish that these pages would help to bring greater understanding to all who read them and guidance with understanding to those who seek the D/s way of life. Our pages are not meant as a, be all end all to D/s or BDSM knowledge, but will hopefully provide a foundation where-by each will take thoughtful steps in their journey, as they pursue deeper knowledge of our lifestyle.
Never forget the Dom/Domme Master/Mistress who collars you is not only dominant but a person with feelings, do not accept a collar just because it seems to be the in thing, or you think it will get you accepted in the BDSM community, in the same manor never offer a collar to a sub/slave unless you are prepared to make the same commitment. Collaring is not something of status, it is not an easy way to grab up new subs before others, it's not something to be entered into lightly. A collar no matter in what stage it is given, is a promise. It signifies a legitimate desire to explore and pursue a deeper relationship. You can play without a collar.
In this girls humble opinion, no sub/slave should be collared in the first six months or year after entering the lifestyle. Why? Emotions run deep when we first find the lifestyle, judgment is swayed by these emotions. You will find yourself falling for many dominants during this time. In the end everyone loses when collars are given and accepted too freely. Usually this means one is much more serious about the collar then the other and far too many are hurt emotionally. i have witnessed people leaving the lifestyle because they felt the collar was as symbolic of commitment as the vanilla wedding ring and felt betrayed when they were released without having done anything wrong, or their sub/slave asks to be released because they have out grown you in the lifestyle and found someone else who fills their needs better. The truth is it should be undertaken just as seriously. Putting a collar on a sub/slave does not make you a Master or Dom, nor does being collared mean you are a more desirable sub/slave.
i have known Doms and subs who have (for lack of better terms) dated for years before the sub has been collared. Do not help to diminish the meaning of the collar in our lifestyle by giving and accepting collars without deep consideration, and once you have placed or been placed in a collar, help to uphold the honor of our lifestyle by being devoted and upholding the honor of the collar. Musical collars as it has been termed, greatly diminish the desire of others in the lifestyle, to want to get to know you or ever consider a commitment to you. You will lose the respect of others in the lifestyle in a big way, if you pop in and out of collars freely or have a dozen collared subs spread all over for your convenience. Others will see how you reverie the meaning of the lifestyle collar and relationship. You will be labeled as a player. Don't make the mistake of thinking because our lifestyle is associated so freely with sex, that others in it will not judge you honorable or without honor. To those truly committed to the lifestyle, your character will make a difference.
Follow this link to learn about the three stages of collaring…