My One True Love 2; The Pain; Part 4

I plop down on my hotel bed and stare at the ceiling. Later tonight we have a very big concert and then we're free for a couple of weeks. It has been three months since we have spoken to Aya at the park. I can't understand why, but Aya doesn't seem to like me.

I sit and run and hand through my short brown hair. Across the room, Nick's unmade bed is covered with clothes and CD's. the only clean section of that part of the room is his night stand where a picture of Lisa sits.

The door bursts open and Nick walks in, angry. He storms to his bed and with an angry swipe, clears it off before plopping down.

"What's up?" I ask him.

Nick glances over, "Bri, I can't stand this!"

"Can't stand what, Frack?"

"Missing her! It's tearing me apart! I know I'm not the same person I was before she died but I can't help it! I don't want to forget her, either."

I sigh and walk over, sitting beside him. "Nick, Lisa won't mind if you stop moping over her death."

Nick sits, "That's what you don't seem to understand. Lisa wants me to move on but I don't want me to!!"

I touch his shoulder, "Nicky boy, I think maybe you should see a shrink."

Nick sighs, "Maybe but I don't want to let her go!"

Before I can answer, AJ walks in to announce that we have to go for the concert. At the concert, Nick and I dress quietly. AJ chatters away and Kevin and Howie reply.

I take Nick's arm and pull him aside, "Can you concentrate on tonight?"

Nick nods as 'Larger Than Life' starts. "Yeah, lets go."

We run on in our usual order and sing our hearts out. As we sing I glance at Nick and think about his pain. The poor guy must be in ruins. I have no idea what it's like to lose a loved one so I can't compare to him. I shake my head and sing my second lines in the song.

"Wishing I could thank you in a different way, c'mon!" as I sing I look out and see Aya and Liz in the audience. Liz smiles and I wave softly. Then I return to singing and glance at Nick. He has a troubled look as he sings. I sigh and continue to too sing.

At the end of the song, Nick seems calmer. We sing a couple more songs and then something catches my mind. In the first row a pregnant woman is cheering. Judging by her belly I can guess that she is about three and a half months pregnant, I remember this from seeing my cousin pregnant a couple years ago. Now, it had slipped my mind when Lisa first told me that she was pregnant but now it sticks out like a sore thumb. I remember how far along Lisa had said she was.

"No problem, so, how far are you?"

"About two months or so. Maybe less."

By the time Lisa sang with us in concert she would have HAD to be three and half months pregnant, if not more. The woman in the audience's stomach was sticking out slightly, barley noticeable, but a small round hump sticks through her tight dress. I remember that my aunt had been showing the exact same amount when she was three and a half months pregnant.

I am lost so lost in thought that I jump when Nick elbows me, trying to say that it was my turn to sing. I listen a minute and sing, "It's a place I've never been and it comes from deep within." I pause my thoughts long enough to finish that part of the concert. We are allowed a short break. Before heading behind the curtain, I walk down and over to the lady.

"Excuse me." I say, getting her attention. "Are you pregnant?"

The woman nods and beams, "Yes."

I smile, "How far along are you?"

"About three months."

"Say a woman was three and a half months pregnant, is it possible that she won't show yet?"

The woman frowns, "No, she would show at least more than me by three and a HALF months."

I smile and thank her. Then I kiss her cheek and rush backstage. Lisa had to of been three and a half months pregnant. She had to of been showing! Still, I have no clue as to what this is leading up to. Our break ends and we go back on stage. Luckily I know the rest of the concert backwards and forwards and allow my mind to wander. I vaguely remember looking at Lisa's tummy when she came out of the dressing room to go on stage. A small round hump was showing. Nick never noticed but I did. I remember smiling and forgetting all about it. Then after Lisa came from the dressing room a second time…!

I stop dead as a fact hits me like a brick. Lisa's stomach was flat when she came back out and her dress was even tighter than the one that I noticed her belly in! Wouldn't that have been impossible?

"Brian!" Nick hisses.

I look around me. Music is playing and it is obviously my turn to sing. The other guys are dancing to make up for my lack of singing and strangely, I have no clue as to what song we are doing. The music is playing but my mind is way gone at the moment.

I look at Nick for help and he mouths the words "the perfect fan" to me but it doesn't ring a bell. I shake my head and his eyes widen. He looks frantically over at AJ who lets his mouth drop open. Nick looks back out at the audience for a millisecond before singing my part. Kevin and Howie shoot me questioning looks but I am too confused to respond.

I force my thoughts to Nick's words and the song rushes to me in a second. 'The Perfect Fan'! I can't believe that I, of all people, would forget the words to that song! I wrote it! I nudge Nick and take over with my lines and smile gratefully at him. He nods and shuts up, going back in line and dancing. I sing my heart out to make up for the mistake and finish up the concert.

Afterwards backstage, Nick corners me, the others behind him. "What the hell happened, Rok?"

I frown, "I'm sorry, guys, my mind was elsewhere…I feel awful."

AJ snorts, "Your mind must have been on another planet for you to forget the words to that song. YOU wrote the damn thing."

I shake my head, "AJ, as soon as I straighten some things out, I'll tell you what happened out there, alright? Until then, let me go. I need some time to think." With that, I walk outside and dodge the fans and limo driver and walk towards the woods. I follow a path and end up next to a pond. I sit and think, clearing my head. Lisa had hazel eyes, though she always said they were brown. When she came out of the dressing room the last time, they were brown! I sit there, shocked, as I make my mind go back. Who would do such a thing? I vaguely remember…that's it!

I sit up straight and my eyes jerk up to the heaven's above me. "Am I right about this, God? Am I right or is my mind making foolish wishes? Is it my mind or my heart?" I get no answer, at least not one that one could hear or see. But deep in my heart I hear a soft whispered voice. It tells me that I am right. I jump to my feet and run back to the limo. Nick and the others are looking for me.

I run up and grab my cell phone. "Where have you been?" Nick demands.

I ignore him and punch in the number of a cab. "Guys, I'm taking a cab home. I'll call you tomorrow."

Without waiting for an answer, I walk over to a curb and wait for the cab. As it pulls up, I climb inside and dial a couple numbers, my heart set on getting to the bottom of this. As the cab drivers through the busy streets of Cincinnati Ohio, I wait for a woman I thought I would never give a second thought, to answer her phone.

"Hello?" a tired voice asks.

"Deena?" I ask, "I have some questions for you."


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