My One True Love 2; The Pain; Part 3

I sigh and close my notebook. For some reason I am fresh out of story ideas. The bell rings and James walks over.

"What's this? Aya not writing?" he teases.

I sigh, "Jay, I think I have a writers block! My first one ever, how do I cope with it? What do I do?"

Jay thinks, "I honestly have no clue, hun, sorry."

I sigh and walk out to my car. Jay hops in and tosses his books in the backseat. He flips on the radio as soon as I turn the engine on. I look up at the clouds but today they give me no inspiration. I smile sadly as I remember what Lisa would have said. She would have grinned at me and forced me to think, to clear my mind and let my imagination run wild. Lisa was planning on being a writer, also, and she was terrific at it. I never once saw her with a writers block and she'd been writing since she was five! I once asked her about this. Her answer still makes me think.

"Aya," she'd said, "When I am out of idea's I lay down in my bed and get comfortable and clear my mind. It helps me to have music going in the background. Then I close my eyes and picture my characters. Then I imagine myself with the characters, talking with them. Together we always come up with an idea." Then she'd laughed.

I can still remember asking her why she liked to write so much. Her answer: "I think it's neat! I feel like I am a Goddess and the characters I make up are real and I am their God. I am simply the translator. You see, I imagine that my characters come to me with a story, I don't make them up, but that they already exist somewhere deep in my mind. They tell me their tale and I simply write them down for everyone to read."

Lisa was a smart woman, a wonderful writer, and a terrific friend. Her time, I feel, hadn't come yet.

"Aya?" James asks.

I glance at him, "Sorry, Bro, let's go."

On the radio the song 'As Long As You Love Me' is playing. Jay groans. "Not them again! It's bad enough that two of them were in my house a month ago! This is just pure torture!"

I laugh softly at my best friend and drive home listening to Nick and Brian and their friends. I feel close to Nick because of his love for my dear, late friend. At fifteen she was a tremendous writer and I know she would have made it big. She never had paper with her but I know she recorded ideas in her mind and then, when she was alone, would write them down and form a story with them.

A pang of longing for Lisa washes over me and I take in a deep breath. James is too busy covering his ears to notice. I park the car in the driveway and walk inside. James follows and heads straight to his room. I sit down and flip on the TV. A taping of the Backstreet Boys' concert from a week ago is on. I watch it. Brian and Nick really know how to work the crowd, though I notice that Nick doesn't make eye contact with anyone but the other members of the Backstreet Boys. During Nick's solo, tears flow down my cheeks. Then, after the concert, it shows Nick and Brian talking to a slightly short girl. My heart goes faster when I realize who the girl is. Deena! When Lisa came to say goodbye to me she told me all about her friendship with Deena. I have never met the girl but she looked sad.

My phone rings and I jump slightly. "Hello?"

"Is James there?" a female voice asks.

I sigh, "Jay, phone."

Jay walks in and picks it up, "Yeah, hey Ginger, what's up?"

I close my eyes and lean back, ignoring Jay. My mind wanders and I find myself thinking about Lisa and a time when we were only thirteen.

~~~~~~~~~~

We walked through the forest, taking a dirt path. Lisa was looking thoughtfully at some flowers and I know an idea has hit her. I stood quietly while she kneeled and thoughtfully yet gently reached out and touched the velvet flower petals. Her hazel eyes were closed as she gently stroked the flower. I smiled watching her, she looked like she was in peace at the moment.

Then, suddenly, Lisa stood and smiled at me. We continued on our walk and ended up at our secret place. It was a tiny meadow with a pond in the center. We sat beside the pond and talked.

"Lisa." I said suddenly, changing the subject.

Lisa looked over, "What's on your mind, Aya?"

I smiled, "Do you think you'll ever fall in love?"

Lisa smiled, "Yeah…I do."

~~~~~~~~~~

"Aya?" Jay's voice makes me jump. I open my eyes and see him leaning over me, shaking me gently.

"What?" I ask.

"Why don't you go out. Maybe that will help your writers block."

I nod, "Fine, see 'ya later." I walk out to my car and drive to the park. Today it is unusually empty. I walk over by the basket ball courts. Five guys are playing. One, a tall guy with wild brown hair and sun glasses, passes the ball and cheers.

"Go, B-Rok!!"

A shorter guy with blue eyes sends the ball across court and it swishes in. The two guys do a little dance and the tallest, a blond, catches the ball.

"Train, check it." He calls, tossing the ball to the oldest looking one.

I walk over and sit on a bench beside the court. I stare up at the sky and try to think through my block. Nothing comes to me. The ball bounces over and hits my leg. I look at the guys, "Ow!"

The shorter one, B-Rok, walks over. "Sorry about that, Aya."

I frown at him, "How do you know me?"

He laughs, "You mean you forgot us that quickly?" he glances back, "Hey, Frack, she forgot about us!"

The tall blond runs over, "What? Us? Frick, that's impossible."

I laugh, "Frick and Frack? Brian and Nick?"

Brian laughs and nods, "Yep!"

The other three walk over and Nick grins, "This wild one is AJ McLean. The tall one is Train, Kevin Richardson. This short shrimp is Howie Dorough."

AJ grins, "You gonna take that, D?"

Howie laughs, "I think I'll let it pass, Bone."

Kevin shakes his head as Brian sits down and tosses the ball to Nick. Two girls run by and one calls after the other. "Lisa! Wait up you dummy!"

Nick whirls around and sees the two little girls running away. Sorrow touches his features and Brian stands, putting a friendly arm around him. Bone looks down, a sad look in his dark eyes. Howie looks at Kevin and Kevin sighs. Brian whispers something to Nick and Nick looks at him a minute before nodding. The two walk off in the direction of some paths. AJ stares after them.

"Poor Nick." He says.

I nod and sigh, "I know what he's going through. Lisa was my best friend."

AJ sits beside me and looks down, "I remember once hugging Lisa and telling Nick that I was hugging my favorite girl…I meant it. She was so good to all of us, treating us like regular human beings. She would argue with us, dis-agree with us, stand up for herself."

Howie nods and lets out a sigh. I look at them, "It seems that you all liked her."

"Yeah, she was like OUR girl, you know?" AJ says, "Though she was dating and in love with Chaos, she was like our girl too. We were all protective of her, I even felt some love for her. She was like our little sister." A grin crosses his handsome face, "Lisa was our Backstreet Girl."

I laugh and Kevin grins. "Backstreet Girl, Bone?"

AJ laughs wildly and stomps his foot on the ground. We sit around and talk for an hour before Frick and Frack return. Nick is laughing softly.

"Hey guys!" I wave them over.

They walk over and Brian starts laughing when AJ tells him about Backstreet girls. Nick grins, his face lighting up. I think a moment and start laughing. A girl with short blond hair and green eyes walks over. The boys recognize her and Nick looks angry.

"Hi guys…" the girl says quietly.

"Hi Liz." AJ says, frowning at her.

"Um, I just wanted to say that since this week is the anniversary of her d-de-death, that I was going out to her grave. I thought it would be a good idea for you five to come with me."

Nick looked down, "I already have plans to go, Liz, sorry."

Liz nods and smiles, "You know, Lisa always used to say that BSB stood for Beautiful Singing Boys before she met you. But after she started dating Nick she said it stood for Booze's Sexy Boys."

AJ starts laughing, "I can just HEAR her saying that!"

Brian looks at Nick and then down, "And that's what we are, Booze's Sexy Boys."

Nick smiles at his best friend and nods, "Yeah, I'll always be her guy and you'll always be her, as she called you, boys."

Kevin nods as Howie smiles. I look at Brian and know I have a crush on him. His blue eyes light up as Nick ruffles his hair and does a little dance. Brian laughs and sings a line, "I may run and hide,"

AJ joins the two and soon three of the Backstreet Boys are singing and doing the dance to 'Larger Than Life' that I saw on TV. Brian continues, "When you're screaming my name, alright."

Nick comes in, "But let me tell you now there are prices of fame, alright."

AJ grins before singing his lines, "All of our time spent in flashes of light."

Kevin and Howie join them and sing, "All you people can't you see, can't you see, how your love's affecting our reality. Every time we're down, you can make it, and that makes you larger than life!"

Nick does a wild little dance and pushes his hair from his eyes, "Looking at the crowd and I see your body sway, c'mon."

Brian grins at Nick, "Wishing I could thank you in a different way, c'mon!"

Nick surprises us all by doing a back flip. When he comes out of it, his face is full of amazement.

"Whoa, Chaos, how'd you do that?" AJ demands.

"I have no clue!" Nick exclaims.

Brian stares and shakes his head. then he hums a song and Nick joins him, slowly swaying as he sings. He pulls Brian into a playful hug and pretends that he is a girl. Brian squeal with fake delight and imitates some of their teenage girl fans. Nick touches his heart and then Brian's as he starts singing. AJ laughs as he watches them.

"I never thought that I would lose my mind, that I could control this. Never thought that I'd be left behind, that I was stronger than you, baby." Nick sings, swaying with Brian. Brian pretends to be in love and lets out whimpers. "Girl, if only I knew what I've done, you know, so why don't you tell me? And I, I would bring down the moon and the stars to show how much I care."

Brian laughs as Nick starts dancing around the court with him as AJ changes the song and sings the lyrics to 'Get Down'. Nick pushes Brian away and the two jump around. Brian stops and turns to Nick and speaks in a high, girly voice. "Nickolas Gene Carter, I love you! oh wow!!!"

All five of the guys break up laughing and AJ stops singing as he holds his stomach. I laugh watching them. "Did they act this way with Lisa?"

Liz nods, "Worse. She would join them!"

Nick does a jump kick as he dances around. He collides with Brian and the two fall, laughing, to the ground. AJ laughs at them. Nick stands and puts on his girly voice, "Brian Thomas Littrell, will you marry me? Alexander James McLean, will you be my friend?"

AJ, Brian, and Nick fall to their knees laughing. Watching Brian, I know I love him and that he doesn't love me. I decide to hide my feelings. Brian feels my eyes on him and he glances up. But I send him a dirty look and he shrugs, standing.

"Okay, I'm tired…" Brian says.

Nick stands and leans against the pole to the basket ball hoop. "I'm pooped."

The two guys walk over and sit beside me. I move away from Brian, pretending to be disgusted with him. Brian leans his head in his hands and takes deep breathes.

"Brian, you stink." I say.

Brian looks up at me, "You try dancing around like and then come to me. Then we'll see who stinks."

I glare at him and stick my tongue out. Nick frowns and pushes me a little. I smile at Nick and watch AJ stand and walk over to Howie and Kevin. The three talk quietly and I move farther away from Brian. I do have to admit that the way he and Nick joke around annoys me. I don't mind Nick's side it's Brian's that bothers me.

I stand and walk towards my car, my writers block still on my mind. "See you guys around." I call as I walk away.

Brian grunts in reply and Nick gives a tired wave. AJ, Kevin, and Howie wave. I climb in my car and drive away, glancing back at Brian.


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Email: lizzie_littrell@bsbmillennium.com