One day God was looking over creation and He decided that He wasn't really happy with
the way things turned out. So He called the 3 most powerfull men on earth, Bill Clinton,
Boris Yeltsin and Bill Gates, to come and see Him. He told them that this experiment with
life on earth was a failure, and that in 3 days He was going to end it. So basically they
had 3 days to prepare their people.
So Boris Yeltsin convenes an emergency meeting of the Russian Parliment and says: "I
have bad news, and really bad news. First of all, there is a God. Secondly everything we
have worked for since the revolution will be totally destroyed in 3 days."
Bill Clinton makes a State of the Union address to the American people on TV and says: "I
have good news and bad news. First of all, there is a God. Secondly, everything we have
worked for since the revolution will be destroyed in 3 days."
Bill Gates convenes a meeting of the board of directors and says: "I have good
news, and really good news. First of all, there is a God, and He spoke to me personally.
Secondly, in 3 days, IBM will be destroyed."
Golf Rules !
No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire
on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a
tournament, a summmer and, eventually, a lifetime.
Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever.
The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the
Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is
a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a
law of the universe and should be cut down.
No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly
chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.
The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instuctor.
Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter
the hole, the greater its desire.
Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.
Palm trees eat golf balls.
Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you?
Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.
A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group.
Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a
professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar
All 3-woods are domon-possessed.
Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out
of bounds or into the water (see Law three)
A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.
"Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt." Similarly,
"tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss an easy one,
The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.
The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really
Golf should be given up at least twice per month.
All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset of the same
Men are like.....Bike helmets.
Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.
Men are like....Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.
Men are like.....Bank accounts.
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.
Men are like.....Fine wine.
He starts out raw as grapes, and it's a woman's job to stomp
on him and keep him bottled up until he matures into
she'd like to have dinner with.