The Christmas Gift |
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Subject: Award for the Winner! Date: Tue, 21 Dec 1999 17:00:35 PST Yes!, Yes! (louder), Yesssssssss ………………………! I did it, Jay. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. did it. I did it. I passed. Last couple of weeks I had the most horrible writing time of my life. I think it’s about time I told you what was going on. I was very happy. I finally got the approval from my tough advisor after my nine month working time. It’s a great relief. I’ve started planning my trip and happy life as a reward for my hard work. Out of the blue, I received the call from my advisor saying that he had got a comment from one of the examinors. She didn’t seem to like my thesis ‘cause it’s in a bit of contrast to her teaching theories. My advisor and I discussed it again. Though there are some points that my advisor does not agree with, I have to make some minor change to make her happy. Then a few days later, I received another call from another advisor saying that the content is “very interesting” and the review of literature was tremendous but just the format had to be changed. Then, we discussed it again. What happened was my first format is correct, but my advisor told me to do it differently. Then, this time, I had to make changes to the way it was before. I found it ridiculous that all examinors did not agree on the same point. What was good for one turned out to be bad in the eyes of the others. One graduated from Poland, the other from England. They have different style of thesis writing and format. I was like a ball being kicked by three people trying to please them all. Finally, all three had a meeting and talked about my case. It was almost the end of the semester. Well, it turned out that my advisor, who is an expert on what my thesis is based, had to yield to the other lecturers, who don’t know much about what I’m doing. They just sit and read my seven-month task for a few hours and say if they like it! At this stage, I was forced to cancel my free trip to Bali. My happiness turned out to be an extreme horror. Somehow, my advisor negotiated with the other advisors and asked them to be my sole supervisor. From then on, I’m his student. No one touched me. (Thank God!!!) Whether I would pass or not depends on his satisfaction. I start working hard again harder and harder. My advisor, at the time, is even more demanding giving me a hard time. I’ve already done my best. I can’t make it a better thesis than what I’ve already done. My best article in the thesis was torn into pieces. At some point, I was thinking of giving up. It seemed that my work was going far from the way I first wanted it to be. My advisor told me to be prepared for the coming semester since the following week was the end of this semester and I didn’t seem to be able to make it. Finally, when it came to the last week of this semester, most of the students finished their courses but I still didn’t seem to, though I met my advisor more often and worked twice as hard. I had a very hard time. All my classmates already gave up for this semester. They flew back home for holiday, most of them in Japan. Some Thai friends were leaving for holiday as well. I was stuck by the feeling that I can’t give up, but can’t go further. The more I work, the more mistakes I made and the more time to correct them. It’s like I’m walking up the mountain on descending escalator. I didn’t seem to go anywhere. I preferred to finish it off this semester, rather than going on holiday and come back to continue my work next semester. This task had to be continued or my motivation will be decreased. It’s now or never, I said to myself. Home alone. I submitted it again. It was rejected. I did it again and again I was rejected again and again. It happened a couple of times till I seemed to get used to it (but actually no). I asked him if he can still work an extra week after semester ends. He said yes, so I went for it. I have my last endeavoring breath from my dad. If he was still here now, I would’ve called him and said I couldn’t do what I promised. Well, God knows he’s not at home any more. I felt my obligation to do it, no other options. I finished another draft and was ready to hand it in next day. I woke up and drove to my teacher’s house with tears in my eyes and hundreds of papers sitting next to me. “How can I make it? How can I make it?”, I asked. As you can guess, no answer from the paper work. If there was, they would say “Finish me off! Finish me off!” I was faced with a technical problem with printer and PC. I need more memory for my PC. My advisor didn’t seem to care how hard it was to work with graphic files. I visited my homestay family once in a while. It made me feel better. Flora, my host mom, told me they’re going to Melbourne for a X’mas holiday for a few weeks on her new four-wheeled drive Jackaroo and asked if I could join them. After telling her about my thesis, she seemed to understand and worried about me very much. She suggested I go back home, give it up for this semester and come back again fresh next semester to finish it off. I said, I can’t. Anyway, they said they’re going to have a X’mas dinner before they left and wanted me to be there. I learned one thing from Domenic, my host father -not to give up easily. Where there’s a will, there must be a way. I told myself I’ll fight till I drop dead. If he didn’t pass me this semester, I won’t let him have a happy holiday. I’ll knock on his door during breakfast, lunch and dinner all day, everyday. I’ll give him phone calls everyday. From the courage of my dad, in the name of my father, I won’t drop it. I’ll be stubborn. He corrected things again the way he wanted it to be, though some points I didn’t agree but, you know, it’s my work! I borrowed my friend’s car (my ex-car) for convenience. I drove to my supervisor’s house at 7 am, waking him up; then, asked him what he didn’t like about it. I went back home right away and came back in the evening of the same day with the corrected work. He corrected it again. Then I went back home straight away working till three in the morning and woke up at six to submit my latest proof. Can you imagine me running around like chicken without a head from my advisor’s house and my place. It’s was 10 kilometers, let me tell you. Some days, I didn’t have time for a shower. Some days only a cup of coffee for lunch and instant noodle cup dinner at 10 pm. I don’t eat much now ‘cause my stomach has shrunk. Some points he changed were the points he told me to do. In other words, he corrected what he told me to do at the beginning. So, the process goes on and on. On the last Friday of this semester, I asked my advisor if he worked the next day because I’ve been correcting what he told me for ages and I was sure I was quite on the verge of finishing it. Noticing my strong intention, he said, “If you work, I’ll work. I’ll see you at my place tomorrow.” I went to his house both on Saturday and Sunday till his little four-year-old girl hated me ‘cause her daddy couldn’t go out shopping with her. I brought him a box of chocolate for the coming X’mas occasion hoping his little girl won’t be too upset with me. On Sunday, we met twice. Every hour meant a lot to me. I spent some money buying time. A week passed, but the process of my work still seemed to be stagnant, and so my hope of finishing my work within this semester. It didn’t seem to go anywhere. “Relax, Montri. Go to a movie, enjoy yourself.”, once said my thesis advisor, but how? How could I possibly do that? On the last day before I was approved, at night, I made my last changes and I found another PC problem and some of my graphic files were gone with no back-up done since files were huge. I struggled with it till very late at night (or early in the morning actually). Finally, I came to the point where I was about to accept the truth. I was kind of tired and needed a big break, so I called home letting my mother be prepared in case I went home with a diploma. Fortunately, no one was home that night and I was too scared to leave a message. Then I called my homestay family saying X’mas is around the corner but I didn’t have any presents for the kids. “Don’t be silly, Montri!”, Domenic said. That night I was home alone with hundreds of papers all around me. My sharemate had already gone for his holiday trip in Japan. Some technical problems were sorted out by doing things manually and paying for some extra services. I did make lots of photocopies, cut and pasted this and that and with no hope of finishing it, I went to my teacher’s house the next day as usual. He looked through it all over, page by page and finally moved his right hand forward to me for shaking. I was surprised. “Congratulations, Montri. I’ve just given you a pass.” Without saying a word, I hold his right hand in my own for a few happy moments. December 21st 1999. It’s the happiest day of my life. It was the first time I felt the taste of triumph with tears. At last the time came when I understood why people cry when they are happy. I think, they cry because they’ve been through difficulties, but still find their way to success. I haven’t told no one about my victory yet. Just that I want to be alone for a while. That’s why I didn’t mail you yesterday. On the same day, I was rushing to the Thai restaurant where my host family and friends are having X’mas dinner before leaving for Melbourne the next day. At ten o’clock, I was standing in front of a Thai restaurant with a big bag of X’mas gifts and my unshuffled long hair. Everyone was happy to see me there. Domenic told me the greatest present he will get from me is nothing. “The greatest present I’ll get from you, you can’t give me.”, said Domenic. “If so, I think… this will do.”, I said handing him my X’mas card saying in five big letters: “I PASS.” My eyes were full of tears. I gave him a hug for the first time in my life. It was embarrassing, I was crying on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant with all the bags full of kids’ presents. Everyone was looking at me, the family, people in the restaurant, people on the street. That X’mas dinner would be recorded in another page of my life stories. Things I won’t forget. This X’mas, Domenic bought me a professional cue stick. He said I deserved it now. I’ll show you when I get back home this Dec 28, 1999. You and May can tell our gang. We’re gonna have a class reunion. Gee, it seems like a novel, doesn’t it. I don’t know why, but I have been so weak since yesterday. Actually, I still have tear in my eyes while typing some part of this e-mail. It’s the feeling that “I did it. I didn’t disappoint my dad. I kept my last promise to him.” I’ll see you soon. Thanks for your encouragement. I promised, didn’t I? The next time you hear from me it is going to be a good news. See you soon, M.T. |
