Rating- * (1/5)
I’ve been called some pretty bad names in my day. I’ve had some pretty bad insults thrown my way. But never, in all my eighteen years of life, have I ever been so offended as when I sat down in that red, cloth movie theatre chair for three hours to a presentation of an abysmal piece of garbage called Pearl Harbor. There is no defense for a movie this bad. Pearl Harbor is the not just any bad movie; it is the embodiment of everything that I hate about movies. Rather than describe this terrible movie to you, let me just describe why I think it is arguably the worst movie of the year. Firstly, it was hyped as the motion picture event of the decade and didn’t even come close to what it was advertised as. I can’t stand when Hollywood studios hype up a big-budget movie and then let you down by making the actual movie nothing close to what the ads portray it to be. Secondly, it contains some of the worst acting I have ever seen in a major motion picture. Ben Affleck and Josh Hartnett, two potentially good actors, give totally emotionless and unintelligent performances and Kate Beckinsale is a beautiful but one-dimensional heroine. And who could forget the utterly detestable Alec Baldwin as the overly zealous and disgustingly cliché general. And the story, dear God the awful story! But Matt…you just don’t like it because it’s a love story instead of a war movie. WRONG!!! As much as I hate to admit it, I can appreciate and even enjoy a good love story when I see one. This is not a good love story. As I sat through this movie with my friend Lindsey, I called out my predictions of what would happen about thirty minutes into the movie. I was right on every prediction and it’s not because I’m smart or experienced; any monkey could have done it. Pearl Harbor is an example of what happens when Hollywood producers like Jerry Bruckheymer (I shudder with the amount of bad movies bearing that name) get used to us buying whatever crap they shove down our throats. Perhaps the mass panning by the critics had some effect but perhaps not. The only way we can eradicate bad movies like this is by learning our lesson. The one redeeming thing about Pearl Harbor is that it is a lesson to all future filmmakers on how not to make a movie. Someday, when I can think about this movie without my blood pressure shooting up, I will watch Pearl Harbor again and analyze how truly awful it is. Until that day, this is the last you will hear me speak about this movie: I hereby proclaim Pearl Harbor the Worst Film of 2001.