population control II
Another aproach to population control would be mandatory birth control. Not pills or shots or anything like that, but I would recommend abducting every woman in the US and tying there tubes. That's it, you drag the bitches to the clinic, tie off their shit and then send 'em off home. (Please note; that this is not a sexist statement. I have researched the matter, and have found that it is safer for women to get their shit tied than it is for men. When a man gets his balls tied, the balls keep producing sperm which builds up greatly over time. When the sperm builds up to a certain point it starts getting reseased into the blood stream. While no serious health problems have been linked to this phenomenon, it is still under investigation, and it is also really fucking sick.) After that all child births can be strictly regulated by the government (i.e. me) and we can be sure that unfit parents (i.e. people who can't support children, or can't care for their children, or stupid people, or anybody from Texas or Denim Springs, Louisiana) can't breed.
Also, on a side note, anyone who lives in or was born in Denim Spring, Louisiana will be under a mandatory histerectomy, since nothing good ever came out of Denim Springs.
Also on the agenda, seeing as how the risk of pregnancy will be promptly eliminated, venereal desease risks will go up since everyone will be fucking constantly without fear of getting pregnant. To solve this problem everyone will be required to take a STD test. Anyone testing positive for an incurable STD will be relocated to a reservation. The reservation will be located in Texas. In fact, the reservation will be Texas, but shh, don't tell nobody... It's a little surprise for them there in the redneck state. We're gonna send several thousand independant contractors and my peace force (previously mentioned in population control) in at 4 in the morning to erect a 30 ft. electric fence with razor-wire stretched at ten foot intervals inside and outside the fence and landmines inside the razor-wire to keep the motherfuckers from getting out of Texas. As an additional deterrent, there will will also be turrets manned by gang members armed with sniper rifles, machine guns, and ground missiles to keep even the most heavily armed Texan within the reservation.
With that said, we come to the problem of getting the infected motherfuckers into the reservation. It has to be a way that not only gets the bastards in there but is also entertaining and gives the opportunity to gamble.
1.) Airlift the motherfuckers in on a B-2 bomber, give them enough parachutes for about 2/3 of them to get to the ground safely and let them fight for them on the plane ride there.
2.) Construct large catapults along the Texas border and fling the assholes over the fence and razor-wire. this way it gives you more things to bet on. (i.e. whether or not they'll live, how many times they'll bounce, and whether or not they'll land on a landmine.)
While these are both viable options, I prefer the second one because it would take longer, be cheaper than the airplane, give more opportunity to gamble, and most importantly "survivor" wouldn't have shit on my "STD toss-live from texas". Hell, we could probably make it a pay per-view-event. (we have to get our funding from somewhere) But, don't think that I don't like Texas. You had better pretty damned well fucking believe that I don't like texas. Nothing good ever came out of Texas, just look at; George Bush (both of them), country musik, cowboys, etc., and lots of good things will come of my plan;
1.) No more venereal deseases away from the reservation.
2.) Instead of shooting each other, the gang members will indulge in a healthy pastime, shooting angry Texans.
3.) Damned good entertainment on Pay-per-view for at least 3 weeks.
4.) No more illegal immigrants crossing over the Texas border
5.) No more abortions or unplanned pregnancies
FYI: Reasons for choosing Texas; George Bush (both of them), Country music, cowboys, rednecks, country musik, the Alimo, The thought of being able to gun down angry texans, country music, texans, and most importantly, nothing good ever came out of Texas.
If followed correctly, the US will be free of undesirable things such as gang fights, unplanned pregnancy, welfare, texans, sexually transmitted deseases, contraceptives, George Bush (both of them), country music, the alimo, etc., and best of all the adoption rate will go up because people will be more willing to adopt when they're not allowed to breed.
Put this plan into effect, but not for me, not for yourself, do it for the children. America's children need your help. (and you may also enjoy blowing angry texans into oblivian. and you also may like the idea of no longer needing to use contraceptives. and... also, anyone opposing my views will be promptly executed by my peace force.)
Kill an angry Texan... for the children
I'm not really that much against Bush, but come on, America had a presidential election in which the two main candidates were a pot-head and a coke-addict... and we chose the coke-addict. God bless America, right? We'll need it.