-My views on... Fear and Worry.-


I really have no fears, except a very slight arachnophobia. This is not bragging. I have no real fears because my perception of reality is altered due to 2 or 3 nervouse breakdowns, numerous concussions and other head injuries (a split skull once), a near drowning, a few near fatal car accidents, one lightning strike, numerous electrocutions, and I almost died a few years back from accidentally inhaling chlorine gas. Basically, I've gotten big tastes of what several painful deaths could feel like, and they didn't scare me too much. Somehow or another, I feel like I've got a much more horrible and painful death awaiting me.

People seem to be always afraid of something. Some people have really good fears, like being afraid to commit suicide, or kill the president, and shit like that. Other people are afraid of really stupid shit; like, the number 13, or flying in airplanes, or going outside. These motherfuckers will be the center of attention for the next few thousand words or so, for the simple fact that they are pathetic and deserve public ridicule.

-Fear of Death-

Everybody does it. Every great (and not so great) person throughout history has died. Everybody alive today will die. Everybody's very last descendant will inevitally die. This is unchangeable and inescapeable. Why must everybody be afraid of something that they can't change? There is only one way that a person can escape dying, and that is to never be conceived. Once you are concieved you start upon an unyielding natural process. You are born, you live, other people fuck you over, and you die. It's as simple as that. Sometimes there are a few other distasteful steps put in there against your will, like an amputation, or castration, or marriage, but the whole formula of "Born/Live/Get Fucked Over/Die" stays pretty much the same.

The funny thing is; You probably deserve it. Think about all the fucked up things you've done in your life. Think about putting your last dog to sleep because he was suffering, and he would have wanted it to be over with. What kind of fucked up thing is that to do? First of all; How the fuck did you know what he wanted? Did you ask him? No, of course not. You couldn't have, because you don't speak dog. How in the hell could you know what he wanted? You couldn't even speak his language, let alone actually know what he was thinking. Hell, he might have been more afraid of death than he was of your vaccuum cleaner.

Think about all the times you've broken the ten commandments. Remember the one that stated, quite clearly, if I remember correctly; "Don't kill!"? Well, you just killed your dog. But that was just one life on a long list of lives that you've extinguished in pathetic exsistence; the cow you had for lunch yesterday, the pig you had for breakfast, the chickens, fish, and every otherother type of meat that you've ever eaten. but not only that, what about all the people who've died of industrial accidents at the meat packing plants, and farms? You know, the guy that got caught in the meat grinder and became a permanent part of your hotdog? The guy that got plowed under by the tractor while he was clear cutting the fields used to raise the cows and pigs? The list goes on, but for compression's sake we'll stop there. You are basically a mass murderer. If you hold views like carma, for instance, you deserve to die and be reincarnated as someone's breakfast.

-Fear of Heights-

This one takes many different forms from flying, to being in tall buildings, to standing on short step ladders. What these people need to understand is, there is nothen to be afraid of. You are perfectly safe in a tall building. Even if you fall out of the building you are still safe. The only time that you are not safe is when it comes time to land. That's what thele people ought to be afraid of; landing. After all, it's usually the landing that kills you. Yhese people should take up bungee jumping. That way, they will be able to work out their fear of heights and falling. Who knows, maybe they'll have a few good accidents and we'll be rid of a few of these motherfuckers in the process.

-Fear of Confrontation-

Basically, these are some little bitches who are afraid of getting their asses beat. These people need to be taught that "What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger". Teach them that, give them a little PCP, and maybe some crank, and send them out into the world. Sooner or later, these bitches will learn that what doesn't kill you... can still crack your skull, snap your spinal chord, cave your ribs, and leave you broken and bleeding in a puddle of your own bodily fluids.

-Fear of the number 13-

This is one of the most fucked up fears there is. I believe anybody that is afraid of the number 13 should be hit in the face with a ball-peen hammer 13 times, and then be cut into 13 pieces with a pair of safety scissors. That ought to give these motherfucker something to be afraid of, and give us something entertaining to watch.

-Fear of People-

Some people are afraid of people. What kind lf fucked up shit is that? The way I see it, if they get out and start meeting people, the worst that could happen to them is that they could meet someone as fucked up as they are.

-Fear of Aliens-

People are actually afraid of aliens. While most people are wondering if aliens even exist, some people are being scared shitless by them. Stupid. The earth is like the Texas of the universe. It's not a place that anybody with a right thinking mind would want to vacation. So, why would and advanced species, capable of interstellar travel, want to come visit us? We're such a destructive species that we can't even get along with one another, let alone other mammals, animals, or even our own planet.

-Fear of the Unknown-

These assholes like to worry and be afraid so much that they don't even know what it is that they're afraid of. Even babies know that if you can't see, smell, taste, hear, or feel it... it doesn't exist. It's that simple. If it doesn't effect you, it doesn't exist. To a baby younger than 15 months old; if their mother is out of the room and cannot be heard, she doesn't exist. These people should take a lesson from their children and not worry about what doesn't concern or effect them.

-Fear of Flying-

Flying is safer that driving... so long as you attempt it in an airplane. I think that the current statistics state that over 50% of the airplanes travelling to Hawaii make it there and back without incident. Those are pretty good odds considering that I haven't heard of anyone making it there by car, yet. At any rate, even if you don't fly, the chances of you dying in a plane accident are actually better than you retiring successfully before you die. Think about it, with all the plane accidents in the U.S., there is a pretty good chance of the plane actually crashing into you. The way that I see it, in the event of an actual crash landing, I would rather be inside the plane than between it and the ground.


People shouldn't worry and fear as much as they do. We should float through the sea of life like the infinitecimal pieces of flotsom and jetsom that we are. We may or may not end up where we wanted to be in life, but we will usually be where we are needed. Everybody would be happier if we all just floated along like a rice crispy in the big, cereal bowl of life, gently awaiting the great spoon of death, and completely oblivious to anything outside of the bowl.


The "Fear of Flying" section, like everything contained here, was written several months before the terrorrist attack. While it was my original intention to exclude all mention of 9-11 from my website (for my own personal politics), I find it neccessary to make this destinction. After all, If they can acknowledge these events on Sesame Street, I guess I can mention them here.