Drunken Master

Okay, I realized recently that I haven't written anything new for my site in a long time so I took a look at what had changed in my life since I was writing proficiently for my drivel section, and I found it. The creativity had dried up when the alcohol had dwindled. I apologize, but I forget to drink (and eat for that matter if my old lady doesn't remind me) I've got more free time on my hands now. I'm working for Hertz rental cars. (I wash cars for a living) I like any job where I don't have to put up with people's shit. I like a job where if the customer has a problem with his service, it was his misfortune for complaining about it to me. I'm the kind of person that if I don't like a job; I'll just stop showing up. But some jobs don't understand that though... The last job that I quit, kept calling and wanting to know why I wasn't coming in... two months after I stopped showing up. Awful bastards.......

Sorry, I had to change....... (mmm... carrots...) Sorry... change pens...an...huh?... what?... where am I?... Shit I was writing....

Sorry, creativity lapse.


Quick Recipe

"You're In Luck"

start with 5-8 teaspoons sugar
cover generously with lemon juice
add 8 ounces of water
then add 2-6 ounces of your strongest whiskey and/or moonsine
cover, and shake until approximately the sudsiness of urine
serve at room temperature or warmer.
About 5 or 6 of those and your good for a few hours, although it does tend to dull your senses a bit, and don't mix it with pot or you pot or you won't be able to hold a conversation for longer than two minutes.

I've had to quit my pre-work drinking and drugging though,... I decided that it wasn't worth me losing my job over... You see; I usually show up for work about half an hour late, barely asake and with my shoes untied... So if I showed up drunk or high I would probably be noticed pretty readilly... You see, for me pot and alcohol slow down time, so in this disorientation I would probably get up, get stoned, have a drink, get dressed, then leave for work.

The first thing that they'ld notice is that I'd be in to work about an hour early, which in my altered state would laborous to explain... I couldn't just tell them that because I was high and/or drunk; I forgot to procrastinate at my house by masturbating to lesbian porn. This response would probably get me fired, and no response would still leave them wondering why I showed up for work early, wide awake and fully dressed. They'd probably think I was on speed or cocaine....

Shit... sorry, forgot what I was writing about again...


Another Quick Recipe

Cloud 9/Rainy Daze

pretty much the same as "you're in luck" only 3 times as strong
10-16 teaspoons sugar
cover generously with lemon & Lime juice
add 10-16 ounces of the strongest alcohol you can find
let sit for ten minutes or so until the the sugar coagulates into little lemony fresh clouds as dark as the fringes of a hurricane.
More than 3 or 4 of those and you'll be riding out the calm of the storm, forehead to the carpet, in a pool of your own bodily fluids.

Anyway, what was I saying?...... Ummm..... Oh, fuck it.... That's what I get for trying to force myself to write something; Two recipes and a lot of bullshit.


Philosophy:

One day I want to bring a case of beer and a gallon of whiskey to an AA meeting wearing a T-shirt that reads; "Winner never quit, and Quitters never prosper."
-Spydur

Author's Note

I'm three sheets to the wind right now so I'll keep this short and sweet... (mmmm... Rainy Daze... Oh shit, nevermind.)
11-27-02


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