No matter what you may be thinking of me by the time you finish reading “conspiracy,” I am not as much a callous and gruff person as I make myself out to be. I like to sound rougher and more typically masculine than I really am. This is a self-defense mechanism that I exhibit to discourage the more cunning of the women who prey on this side of men like a knight going for the soft underbelly of a dragon. I apologize for any libelous statements or dispersions cast on anyone mentioned in “conspiracy,” except for Danielle.
There may be people who think that I am unnecessarily belligerent towards Danielle, but from a strictly psychological point of view, it is healthy for me to be so. If I didn’t hate and mistrust Danielle, I would be unable to control my contempt for women. When Danielle left me it did major psychological damage. For a short time after she left me I held a certain level of abhorrence for all women to the point that I was mostly unattracted to them (mostly), until I let myself focus all of my anger, hate, and mistrust on Danielle. It is helpful to have focus for your ire when the cause is unresolvable. So now without further adieu, for those of you who really want to know,
When it comes to the women that attract me, yes, contrary to popular belief, there are some *women (I use this term loosely) who don’t. Looks aren’t very important. Most beautiful women aren’t very pretty on the inside. Their beauty is usually the consolation prize for any poor fool willing to put up with their ugly bullshit. It is like gift wrapping the ugliest thing you’ve ever seen, no use for it really, and once you’ve gotten it open all you want to do is wrap it back up. I see beauty in a true women as being one that is healthy, not overly fat or skinny, but not overly concerned with personal appearance (i.e.- no makeup, high heels, perfume, fancy hairdos, jewelry, or things to that effect), and at least as active as I am, which is to say, slightly more active than a garden variety snail. What a women looks like is the least of my worries. because looks are not my most valuable asset. I am a fairly intelligent person although largely absent minded most of the time. I am attracted to women who are either too smart to need to lie to me or too stupid to get away with it. I have dated too many of the “in-between” type women to be attracted to them anymore (at least, not attracted to them with any permanency). They are only good for casual relationships and the occasional short dallience. In the long run these women lead to nothing but trouble, grief, and the occasional disease. I’ve had quite enough of those.
Ethics, not morals (I don’t believe in those), are very important to me. Morals are the values pushed upon children by their parents, society, and religion, at an early age. I have only a diminished respect for people who blindly follow the traditions set by their parents whether they are, in principle, right or wrong. Ethics are the values brought into being by an honest, logical thinking mind and, therefore are more worthy of respect. A person that has no ethics is not trustworthy. I need a woman who is, at the very least, semi-respectable. A women who lies, and doesn’t admit that they lie, is worthy of no respect, whatsoever. At least a self-proclaimed liar is worthy of some respect as an honest person. I no longer respect my wife. Although, some may think that this is the “sour grapes” mentality, it may be, but I logically don’t respect her because she lied to me for other than my own good, no matter what the lower cycles of my brain decree.
No, Honesty isn't a city in Alaska. I like a woman to be honest with me unless the deception is for my own good. If a woman tells me that she is cheating on me before I find out or have a reasonable cause for suspicion, she has earned herself slightly higher respect from my eyes. I may not be able to date her, but I would never bring myself to hate her. I put a very high value on honesty, no matter what that honesty may cost me personally. (This is one of my ethics.)
Another thing that I find appealing in women is the ability to change. The ability to change their mind, appearance, thoughts, and so forth. I think that a person should be willing to change their mind about something when shown that it is wrong. If a woman wants a man to change (his appearance or thoughts) she should be willing to change also. (Never ask someone to do something that you are not willing to do. Another one of my ethics.) If she wants him to be what she wants him to be, she should make herself exactly what he wants her to be (thoughts, words, appearance). It is more convenient for women to be the first to change because men are like animals in this respect; Positive reinforcement yields positive results. Negative reinforcement causes them to become aggressive, confrontational, and generally bad to be around unless you want to lose an arm or something. (I know, I know, we’re like big, mean, angry, 2-year-olds, with weapons, and cars.)
One thing I can’t stand in anyone is prejudice. (Racial, sexual, financial, religious, sexual preference, or otherwise) I make fun of Mormons and fat people although I have nothing against either of them, I used to be one and I married the other, so I believe that gives me the right to poke fun at them. I weighed 180 lbs. since I was 10, and my ex-bitch is a Mormon.
I know very few women who conform (as far as I know) to my vision of the perfect woman. In fact, I only know 5, 3 of which have, or have had, a few words printed on my site. (I’m not going to say who; you can probably figure it out your damned self). Women like them are few and far between and should be associated with and pampered at all cost. My personal view of them is so high that I would do anything at all for any of them no matter what the personal cost or disadvantage to myself. This can be considered love, and yes, in this fashion I love all of them and I would be contented to spend the rest of my life with any of them if they were available and if they would have me, which most of them wouldn’t.
Any woman that lets her petty ambitions, drives, vanity, or preconceived ideas alienate a man that could otherwise love is undeserving of anything good.
Since this was written some time ago, I have met several new women. (that one chick that got me drunk and raped me, the other bitch that wanted me to talk dirty to her; call her a dirty bitch, and so forth within the first hour of me meeting her and her mom, and god knows how many more women) But, out of all of them, I have only met one more "perfect woman", re-enforcing my belief that perfect women are few and far between.