Furrygirl@usa.net

You know, I was actually glad when the frelling wormhole started to pull us in?

It was Aeryn's idea to "take a closer look" - in otherwords, to go after Crichton, but I can't say I put up too much of an argument.

Rygel - being who he is - was paying attention to no one but himself, and Aeryn was quite preoccupied with the idea of following John (I may one day have a rival in her - provided that she ever allows herself to see what's "right under her nose", as Crichton might say), and did not notice it, either.

Only Zhaan seemed to pick up on my non-reluctance. She smiled at me as we departed. Her usual enigmatic, knowing smile, but with much more of a touch of I've-Got-A-Secret than it ordinarily holds. Not to mention a healthy dose of mischief the likes of which only a Tenth Level Delvian Pa'u is capable of.

I don't think any of it was fully articulated in my foggy and Crichton-addled brain, but I just didn't want to face life on Moya - indeed, life at all - without the company of one loud, exasperating human.

A loud, exasperating and remarkably attractive human named John Crichton.

My people have a saying. Actually, we have thousands - no, millions of sayings. My mother used to recite them, almost by rote...But, the specific saying that applies to this situation is, Real power is in the heart. The love of one warrior for another is pure. A perfect love, if you will. I broke with that tradition when I married my beloved Lo'Laan, and I paid for it, in many ways.

And although I would not trade my time with her for anything in any universe, it feels...good...to return to other males. Of course, I haven't returned, at least, not yet. Sometimes I wonder about Crichton - well, I always wonder about Crichton - but I wonder about human culture. About whether or not this Luxan ideal - love between Sword Brothers, love between men - is permissible or not.

I have no doubt that it happens on this Earth of his - it happens everywhere - I just wonder if the average human male, let's say...John Crichton to pick an example at random, finds the practice - or even the idea - of it to be acceptable or...distasteful.

Now, what I find distasteful is listening to Rygel eating those blotching, foul-smelling Hynerian marjols.

***

Ah, yes, safely aboard Moya.

Safely for now, at least. It has been quiet here since we returned from "Earth". However, I cannot believe that this state of affairs - or, lack thereof - will endure. Something will happen to us. Aeryn will turn into Pilot again, or maybe Pilot will turn into Zhaan, and Zhaan will turn into Rygel. Some frelling thing is bound to come along and shake us out of our complacency.

If only I were complacent.

As I believe I have mentioned, my people have sayings. Lots of them. One of them keeps popping up in my thoughts, one that my father was rather fond of spouting. Endlessly.

A Luxan's blood is more than a simple bodily fluid, despite the hazards it sometimes poses. Our blood is the animating force of life itself. It is our strength. It is the commander, it makes the decisions, it gives the orders.

With effort, its influence can be repressed, but never entirely ignored. And it should not be. A Luxan is as brave as his blood, my father would tell me.

The voice of my blood is very strong now, growing louder with each passing arn. I am not at all accustomed to resisting its call, not accustomed to refusing its bidding.

But initiating a Shield Brother bond is not something to be taken lightly. I am sure of all that it entails, and I desire it. I would commit myself to it wholeheartedly. I could do nothing less. But, for the bond to be valid and honourable, Crichton would be required to do the same.

To embrace it, accept it, and give himself up to it.

Submit to the bond, and submit to me in a way I fear a man of his pride would never do.

The voice of my blood is very persistent. Very demanding. Before now, I have simply taken what I wanted, when I wanted it. But I cannot simply take Crichton. No matter how much I might want to. I have too much respect for him to do that, as much as it makes me cringe to believe it.

Besides, ever since his recent experiences on "Earth", Crichton has been gazing at Aeryn in the most...maddening manner. Maddening to me, anyway - Aeryn has been basking under his frank, appraising gazes. I can't be jealous of her. Jealousy is below a Luxan warrior. So what exactly is this feeling?

Anger? Despair? Hopelessness?

But another in the interminable store of Luxan sayings has just occurred to me. This one was my mother's favourite, I believe.

There is always a chance.

***

Something very interesting is happening right now.

Crichton is in my quarters.

Looking at me in a...speculative manner. I have forgotten the excuse he used to justify his presence. It was pathetically obvious, I remember that. He's behaving quite uncharacteristically. He seems very tentative, almost...nervous. Not at all the John Crichton I'm used to.

But it is quite amusing, openly watching him watching me suspiciously. He's pacing, too, and I've never seen him do that before. I'm biting the inside of my lip, I can't start laughing at him now, despite the almost irrefutable need to do so.

I've been acting "weird" lately, he tells me. Staring at him all the time, snapping at him even more than usual. He wants to know if I'm "pissed" at him. If I'm still upset over the "tentacle" thing, or if he's done something more recently to cause my "weirdness".

Oh, Crichton, you haven't the vaguest conception of what's happening, have you? I'm not behaving strangely - you are. I'm finally getting through to you, John, even if you don't realize it.

And you don't realize it, do you? But I can help you there, Crichton, I certainly can. You'll know soon enough, and I can't wait to see the look on your face. I know exactly what I'll do.

How do I know?

Well, my people have a saying John, a saying I've always adhered to. My favourite, if you will.

When in doubt, surprise them.

Hold on, John Crichton. You're about to get the surprise of a lifetime. And with all that's happened to you during that lifetime, well, that's saying a lot.