"Reading [Jensen] is comparable to grocery shopping with a peculiar grocery clerk. He takes your hand and guides you through the isles at a suitable pace, not explaining which products to buy, but rather why to buy them, and precipitating curiosity along the way..."
-Critique by a professor from grad school.
"...As you continue to read, he tends to let go of your hand and lets you fend for yourself among the commerce in order to tell jokes. When he's finished with the joke, you find his hand, and carry on down the isle. Sometimes the joke doesn't even make sense and it takes 30 minutes to find his hand again at the end. He does this on purpose because he thinks it's funny. It makes me angry."
-Same professor, more sentences. I changed the wording on the last 2 sentences for comedic effect. The meaning didn't change though.
"[Jensen] tags an upbeat tempo to an insider's view of the health world."
-Small publication by a female reader in England who gave me 13 words.
"This is mindless dribble."
-Written criticism from another professor.
"Even if Jensen had stopped writing after 10 words, he would have still shattered every publishing record that has ever been established."
-Inconsequential grade received by Professor Russ Cagle in 2003.
"Academic textbooks and medical journals are dry and challenging to read. Conversely, monthly publications are less dry, but entirely inaccurate. Jensen does the perfect job of taking the essentials of each to capture both truth and entertainment."
-Dave Dean, a tenacious business man.
"That guy's a moron. He just does steroids and then everyone thinks he knows about workouts. But he doesn't."
-A guy from Salem, Oregon named Rick after I declined his request to train him.
"I was stuck in a rut and couldn't gain wait. I read [Jensen's] article about gaining weight and was able to gain 11 more pounds."
-A guy from Wisconsin who wanted to gain weight, and did. Furthermore, he spelled weight wrong 50% of the time, but he was 11lb heavier while doing it.
"Jensen has risen from the underworld in a sheet of merciless hatred, and will ruthlessly conquer all who obstruct his fire-laden path."
-That was written by me while trying to sound like someone who's really into dungeons and dragons. I don't know if I was very convincing, but I certainly succeeded in not providing you with any helpful insight.
I read all of [Jensen's] articles in great detail, not because I want to learn the material necessarily, but because I'm afraid if I start to skim, I'll miss a joke.
-This is my favorite complementing email I've yet received. It was also from a guy in Wisconsin. Weird.