PRIMETIME PROVERBS:
"You could throw her in the river and skim ugly for two days." - Granny, The Beverly Hillbillies
"A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn." - Banacek
"What insight could you possibly hope to gain from a man whose IQ wouldn't make a respectable earthquake?" - Diane Chambers, Cheers
"If you've enjoyed this program just half as much as we've enjoyed doing it, then we've enjoyed it twice as much as you." - Michael Palin, Monty Python's Flying Circus
"You're nothing but a tiny dot, a speck, a minute insignificant nothing. But, I'm proud to call you my friend." - Warren Ferguson, The Andy Griffith Show
"It's not enough that all the lawyers are crooks. Now the crooks are becomin' lawyers." - Donegan, Kaz
"One good, solid hope is worth a carload of certainties." - The Doctor, Dr. Who
FAMOUS LAST WORDS
"Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something." - Pancho Villa
"I'd rather be fishing." - Jimmy Gass, murderer
"O.K., I won't." - Elvis Presley, responding to his girlfriend's request that the not fall asleep in the bathroom
"I've never forgiven that smart-alecky reporter who named me 'Butterfingers'." - Thomas Moran, pickpocket
"I'm tired of fighting. I guess this is going to get me." - Harry Houdini
"Monsieur, I beg your pardon." - Marie Antoinette, to her executioner, after stepping on his foot accidentally
"But, but, Mister Colonel---" - Benito Mussolini, executed 1945
"I'm not afraid to die, honey...I know the Lord has his arms wrapped about this big fat sparrow." - Ethel Waters, Blues Singer
"Never felt better." - Douglas Fairbanks, Sr.
FLUBBED HEADLINES
"Man Robs, Then Kills Himself"
"Living Together Linked to Divorce"
"Mayor Says D.C. Is Safe Except For Murders"
"Deer Kill 130,000"
"Boys Cause As Many Pregnancies As Girls"
"Prostitutes Appeal to Pope"
"Stiff Opposition Expected to Casketless Funeral Plan"
"Teenage Prostitution Problem Is Mounting"
"Dead Woman Doesn't Recall What Happened"
"Blind Workers Eye Better Wages"
"Two Convicts Evade Noose; Jury Hung"
"Hospital Sued by 7 Foot Doctors"
"Jumping Bean Prices Affect Poor"
"Lawmen From Mexico Barbeque Guests"
"Columnist gets urologist in trouble with his peers"
"Antique Stripper to demonstate Wares at Store"
FUN FACTS
"Republican" and "Democrat" are both names of towns in North Carolina.
Americans four favorite leftovers: pasta, pizza, chicken and meatloaf.
More than 50% of Americans fall asleep on their sides.
60.2% of the US Television audience watched the last episode of M*A*S*H in 1983.
One in 500 humans have one blue eye and one brown eye.
The "G" in g-string stands for "groin".
The can-opener was invented 48 years after the can was.
Diet Pepsi was originally called "Patio Diet Cola".
The Rolling Stones made their American TV debut on "The Red Skelton Show."
7,000 new insect species are discovered every year.
Cleopatra wasn't Egyptian; she was Greek...and she was the 7th queen by that name.
When you correct for weight differences, men are proportionately stronger than horses.
More boys than girls are born during the day, more girls are born at night.
Vultures fly without flapping their wings.
Most, if not all, polar bears are left handed.
Chopsticks are known as "quick little fellows" in China.
On some Caribbean islands, the oysters can climb trees.
Armadillos can get leprosy.
Terminator 2 costs #$647,000 per minute of film to make.
It's illegal to own a red car in Shanghai, China
The Bible is the most shoplifted book in the United States.
Sitting Bull was not an Indian Chief...he was a medicine man.
The potato chips Americans eat each year weigh six times as much as the Titanic.
In an average hour, there are 61,000 American airborne over the US
James Dean's favorite food was rice pudding.
Americans will eat 90 acres worth of pizza today.
The average woman shaves 412 inches of skin on her body, the average man shaves 48.
When your face blushes, the lining of your stomach turns red too.
The longest word in a Shakespeare play is: honorificabilitudinitatibus (Love's Labour's Lost)
E-Mail Me: toodlez@bellsouth.net