TITLE: The Mind Of A Wolf
AUTHOR: Narida Law
E-MAIL: narida@vanishingscroll.com
RATING: PG-13
CATEGORY: VA
SPOILERS: Alpha
KEYWORDS: Mulder/Scully UST
WEBSITE: http://www.angelfire.com/ms/naridalaw/
DISTRIBUTION: Do not send to Gossamer; I'll send it myself.  
Otherwise, okay anywhere else as long as these headers 
remain intact.  Telling me is sweet and would be much 
appreciated, but not obligatory.
DISCLAIMER: If they were mine they'd be married with a 
passel of kids by now.  I am making zero dollars from this.  
Chris Carter, you're free to sue me for my half-eaten bag 
of potato chips and a notebook full of ideas about the show 
you created (see page 34, I think that would make an 
exceptionally great episode).  Oh yes, and all dialogue in 
this story belongs to Jeffrey Bell.  I'm shamelessly riding 
on his talent.

SUMMARY: Mulder and Scully from an observer whose ability 
to see extends beyond the limitations of the human eye.

The Mind Of A Wolf
by Narida Law

~~~~~~~~

He left hours ago. I ask myself why I am still sitting 
here.  I believe I am looking for answers.  I want to 
understand.

I have never minded being alone - in fact, I prefer it.  
And I'm not alone.  I have my dogs with me.  Human 
companionship is something that I have never craved...never 
wanted.  Until him.

Without even consciously realizing that I have vacated my 
chair, I find myself standing in front of the poster.  I 
watch my hands, as if in a dream, reach out and touch it, 
feeling the smooth texture of the paper beneath my fingers.  
I should take it down.  I have no need for it anymore.  In 
spirit, it was never really mine.

She asked for it, and I think I will give it to her.  We 
both know whom it is intended for.

I stand here silently, as if such an action will eventually 
bring welcome news: that I can still anticipate meeting 
him, that the past two days have only been part of some 
distant reality.  But I've never been prone to indulge in 
fantasies, so why should I attempt it now?

I feel very tired all of a sudden.  It's getting late.  I 
wonder what he's doing, where he is.  Who he is with.  I 
want to laugh at my own fancy.  Of course - I know.  All 
those questions have one answer.  He is with her.

When I think about the two of them it makes me marvel - not 
for the first time - at the sheer stupidity of human 
beings.  For all the intellectual superiority in which they 
pride themselves, in the end, it is this intellect that 
makes them =in=ferior to other animals, because it causes 
greater opportunity for discontent.

Survival is not enough.  The complications humans form 
around themselves, the constant masking of true motives and 
feelings, is not something to take pride in.  I am not 
immune to this facet of human nature, but I recognize it.  
Most people do not.  Most people are happy to wallow in 
their intellect and discontent.

However, though I recognize the deficiency I am unable to 
prevent it, and this only serves to prove my point. No 
matter how much I relate with non-human animals, I am still 
not one of them.  I played one of these human games, a game 
in which the rules were utterly unfamiliar to me.  And look 
at me now.  Am I happy?  Do I feel content?

I took a chance, becoming a stranger in a foreign land - 
and learned that in some ways, animals are the same across 
the board.  An alpha female will protect her position in 
her alpha male's life with ferocity and unrelenting 
passion.  And I have no doubt he would do the same.

But though, as I told her, I have always felt more like a 
wolf than a person, I still have human instincts - and 
thus, when the opportunity for human kinship presents 
itself, it is a seductively potent nectar for me.  I, who 
had never found a satisfying relationship with a human 
being thus far in life, found myself hoping.  Hoping that 
he would be the one, the kindred spirit I did not 
consciously realize I was looking for.

I knew I could not be the only person in this world to 
belong nowhere, shunned by the two species I identify with 
for ironically, the same reason - I am too much of one and 
not enough of the other.  I know I am not alone; it just 
feels as though I am.  I suppose that is really the same 
thing.

This was not his exact predicament, but it was close 
enough.  So I told myself.

I thought that I had found someone to share these feelings 
of =un=belonging.  We were two of a kind, he and I, 
destined for companionship.  I found that we were able to 
communicate on a sophisticated plane, one that the average 
human avoids.  Our language, our conversation, was 
scintillating and diverse.  It was wonderful.

His name was Fox.  I felt that to be a sign, an indication 
of the fated intersection of our lives.  He was a seeker, a 
believer of truths outside human limitation.  I found him 
absorbing, intelligent, and utterly fascinating.  I wanted, 
more than anything, to meet him.

I will admit that now, as I will admit that I leapt at the 
opportunity to incite his interest enough to consider 
coming to California - to come to me.  By doing so, I had 
joined the game.  I did not tell him (or face it myself 
until now) that it had any personal significance for me if 
he should come - it was all under the guise of it being 
possibly meaningful to his line of work.  It was a 
wonderful twist of life that his occupation made his 
arrival here so easy - another facet of fate falling into 
place.  Or so I thought.

My mistake was in assuming that he, like me, was searching 
for his destiny.  From words on a screen, I had no way of 
knowing...

He had already found his.

~~~~~~~~

I get along very well with my assistant, Stacy Muir.  How 
she came to work for me is textbook - she had the right 
qualifications and was willing to put up with my 
eccentricities.  Most importantly, I could tell that she 
loved and respected the animals and that guaranteed her 
position.  Her other credentials came second.

Two days ago, when Stacy approached me in the kennel and 
informed me that two FBI agents were there to see me, I 
couldn't stop the flutter of excitement that arose in my 
stomach.  I knew that it had to be Fox, come to see me at 
last.  My lure had worked, and I now acknowledge freely 
that that is precisely what it was.

As I approached my office door, I was surprised to hear a 
woman's voice.  I have met with gender discrimination in my 
own line of work, so I was a little annoyed with myself to 
be startled.  I knew, of course, that the FBI had female 
agents.  I simply had not expected Fox's partner to be one 
of them - which was who she had to be.

It is not in my nature to rush into unfamiliar territory 
without first being made aware of the potential dangers and 
pitfalls, so I am not ashamed to admit that I listened to 
them before I went inside.  The dogs and I have a kinship, 
and nary a sound came from them while we were outside that 
door.

I heard the woman recite a few book titles, and recognized 
them to be my own.  Already, I could sense the edge of 
superiority in her voice that so many humans, basking in 
their intellectual capabilities, have.  I heard a man's 
voice - whom I presumed to be Fox - say almost 
apologetically, "She's not a real people person."

I had to smile.  He was right about that.  Perhaps some 
would have taken it as an insult.  I took it as a 
compliment, as well as a testament to how well Fox knew me.  
His apologetic tone also told me that the woman was doing 
him a favor by being there. At the time, I thought to 
myself that she should have saved herself the trip.

The sound of a light switch was accompanied by rays of 
yellow that immediately cracked from under the doorway.  
The dogs scampered back a little, and I took a step back as 
well.  I did not want to be discovered until I had learned 
more.

I heard the woman say, "Well, she seems to have made a 
connection to you."  There was almost derision in her 
voice, which brightened my spirits considerably.  When I 
first heard her voice and realized that Fox's partner was a 
woman, I admit the possibility that she might be something 
more to him crossed my mind.  But now I felt reasonably 
sure that they were too different to have any kind of 
lasting attachment beyond their work.  She did not seem to 
share his interests - and he probably had his work cut out 
for him in trying to communicate with her.

Feeling safe to approach the environment that they had 
created, I opened the door and stepped in.  The dogs 
immediately went to their normal resting places, but they 
had been so quiet out in the hall that it was like letting 
out a big breath of air after one has been holding it for a 
while.  "All right...settle down.  Settle."  My voice 
calmed them.

I was a little annoyed that Fox and the woman had taken it 
upon themselves to open the blinds, and I immediately 
crossed to those to close them.  I did not look at either 
of them.  No doubt it had been the woman, made uneasy by 
the dark atmosphere that I prefer.  I turned at the sound 
of his voice.

Fox was pleasing to look at, almost dishearteningly so.  He 
was a fine specimen of human male, and despite my 
disappointment I could not help but appreciate it.  Such a 
fine animal would have no trouble seeking mates.  It 
distanced him from me.

I also took in his partner, whom I had expected to be 
taller, plainer, and less redheaded.  From their body 
language, I knew at once that I had been mistaken in many 
of my assumptions, and that a portion of two people's 
conversation was not necessarily indicative of the nature 
of their relationship.  Simply by the way they stood, I 
could see that they were very close.

Romantically involved?  I could not tell for sure.  But 
their stances were protective; they were a team.  They shut 
others out.  However, I was not overly dismayed.  They were 
law enforcement officers - naturally they would have that 
kind of kinship.

I sensed negative vibes emanating from Agent Scully, 
directed toward me.  Whether this was the result of 
personal or professional affront I was not yet sure. 
However, considering the fact that we had only just met, 
the most plausible reason for it was simply: classic alpha 
female behavior.  How...predictable.

"Karin?  Fox.  Fox Mulder.  This is my partner, Dana 
Scully.  It's nice to finally meet you."  His voice was 
beautiful.

I gave nothing away when I reached out to take his hand.  
He felt wonderful...his hand was strong, firm, and dry.  "I 
wish I'd known.  I don't get many visitors."  I wanted to 
ask why he hadn't told me he was coming, but I kept it 
back.  It would have been too personal.  "Stacy tells me 
you have a question about behaviorism?"
                                   
"Yeah, it's about the animal I'm tracking," he replied.  
"The one you mentioned in your e-mail - about its 
intelligence."

"Canids' intelligence is far superior to ours if that's 
what you want to know," I answered.

Agent Scully asked quietly, "Intelligence enough to 
murder?"

I felt immediately contemptuous of this woman.  Didn't she 
know it was only the human race that was capable of action 
as pointless as murder?  That only human beings were 
capable of acting with gross disregard to other life forms?  
To make a sport of killing?  I did not try to mask the 
scorn in my voice when I replied, "Murder takes no 
intelligence. It's a human behaviorism."

"What about hunting?" Fox asked.

"Coyotes use elaborate trickeries to draw out their prey."  
Perhaps if I had been the type, I would have blushed at 
this.  "Many canids do...alone or in packs."

"What about a Dhole?"  I was slightly surprised by Agent 
Scully's forthright manner.

"If you mean the Wanshang Dhole, it's extinct," I responded 
firmly.  I turned to Fox.  "Is there any other reason you 
came here?"  That was a double-edged question, one meant 
for him alone.  He either did not realize deeper meaning, 
or did not want to acknowledge it in front of his partner.

"No," he replied.  "Thank you, Karin."

I think I hid my disappointment well.  It was time for me 
to go, so I called the dogs to me and we left.

~~~~~~~~
                      
The next time I was able to see Fox was the very next 
morning.  I had seen the news on TV and read in the papers 
about the latest attack, and thought he would appreciate 
some insight from me.  And, of course, I wanted to see him, 
as I hoped he wanted to see me.

Entering into the sewer tunnel, I spotted Fox and his red-
haired partner conversing with whom I assumed to be a 
police officer.  I noticed immediately how close Fox and 
Agent Scully were standing together, how they just slightly 
leaned into one another, as if even when speaking to 
another law enforcement officer they had to present their 
united front.

It was a subtle detail, but I pride myself on being able to 
see beyond what others see.  I doubt they knew what they 
were doing. It is only from years of studying behavioral 
patterns that I developed a conscious regard for even this 
small bodily form of communication.

The other officer seemed rather agitated, said something in 
a short tone of voice, then stalked away.  This was when 
Agent Scully spotted me.  I saw her murmur something to Fox 
(no doubt alerting him to my presence), and I discerned yet 
another indication of their comfort level and closeness - 
his head bent down to listen to what she was saying in an 
obviously long-familiar gesture, their heads close 
together.

They had their own silent language, one that was for them 
alone.  It was a difficult matter to convince myself that 
what I was seeing stemmed solely from their work 
involvement.  Yet by this time, I had already discerned 
that they were not mates.  I told myself that my personal 
interest in Fox was coloring my ability to perceive their 
body language in an objective light.  I was seeing all of 
their intimacies as a threat to my own hopes.

No matter if it was personal or professional, I would have 
expected Agent Scully to defend her territory.  But - she 
left Fox's side, leaving him open for others.  To say I was 
surprised would be an understatement.

Romantically involved or not, she had a prior claim on Fox 
as a friend and as his partner, yet she did not stay to 
assert this to me.  Perhaps she did not care enough about 
him--yet this I did not believe.  Perhaps she did not see 
me as a threat - a more likely scenario, but most people 
would still have felt the need to assert their dominance.

Possibly she was simply very self-assured.

This Agent Scully had been able to surprise me from the 
moment we met.  It was rather disconcerting, as I am rarely 
surprised by the behavior of others.  Yet I was not able to 
discern the exact nature of the relationship Fox and his 
partner had, and it made me feel slightly off-balance.  

Whatever the reason, he was alone, his alpha female 
choosing to abandon him, and I approached him with no small 
amount of pleasure.

I also noticed his slight movement toward Agent Scully as 
she moved away from him, as if her leaving was not 
something he had desired and he wanted to rectify the 
situation.  But he halted, the gesture barely begun, and by 
that time I had reached his side.

His first words, as well as his tone, were not what I would 
have wanted...polite, but with no enthusiasm.  "I didn't 
expect you."

I wanted to open with something witty, something he would 
appreciate and perhaps even reciprocate.  I knew from our 
correspondence that he had a unique flavor of humor, and 
sought to use that knowledge to my advantage.  " 'Dog Eats 
Dogcatcher,' " I quoted from a headline I had read.  
"Story's all over the news this morning.  It's sort of 
uplifting."  I meant it half-jokingly.

Bonding by humor did not quite work out as I as planned.  
Fox was not amused...in fact, he was barely paying 
attention to me.  I could see his gaze straying to where 
his partner was inspecting what I assumed was the dead 
body.  "Mm hmm."

"I'm joking," I said hastily, sensing that the joke had 
fallen flat.

"Mm hmm," he replied again.

"Sorry," I apologized. The apology tripped awkwardly off my 
tongue, but I wanted to get back into his good graces.  
That in itself was also unusual.  I usually don't care what 
people think.

It seemed to work.  "It's okay." He finally directed his 
gaze toward me.

He had the most beautiful eyes, intense, and in this light, 
a deep chestnut brown.  Before I could get completely 
sidetracked admiring his physical attributes, I offered, "I 
thought you might use some help."

Fox's interest perked up when I mentioned the case.  "You 
said that a dog or a canid only hunts what it needs, but 
I've got four bodies with bite marks on it from an animal 
that seems to kill for no other reason."

Ah.  A challenge.  "Who are the victims?" I asked.

"There's two men on the ship that it came in on, a customs 
agent, and now an officer from Fish and Wildlife. In fact, 
all these men could have come in contact with the animal 
before the attacks."

Wasn't it obvious?  I supplied the explanation.  "Classic 
dominant-alpha territorial behavior."

"No. This animal seems to have ranged many miles to make 
its attacks. In each case it seems to have outsmarted or at 
least tricked its victims."  His quick reply indicated that 
he had already considered such a possibility, and I was 
thrilled and impressed by this display of his intellect.  
It made him even more attractive to me, if that was 
possible.  I had known, of course, that he possessed a 
brilliant mind, but seeing it in action was 
distinctly...arousing.

Despite his doubt, I persisted.  It was the most logical 
explanation.  "Unlike we Homo Sapiens, a canid's motives 
are simple and direct.  It would be an extraordinary case 
to find one who kills for sport.  Likely, we may never 
know. I'm sure someone will kill it first."

Both of our gazes fell on Agent Scully.  I made mine 
accusing, but I knew that if I were to look at Fox's, I 
would only see defensiveness for her...and something else.  
So I didn't look at him.  Even then, I openly chose to 
deceive myself.

But before I could contemplate my actions too closely, I 
was introduced to Dr. Ian Detweiler.  And then I knew.
                       
~~~~~~~~
                      
I will never forget the feel of Fox's hand on mine as he 
guided the computer mouse under my hand.  I now know that 
it meant nothing to him; having met him, I soon realized 
that he had a tendency to disregard other people's personal 
spaces, though he violated that most often with his 
partner.

As he concentrated his attention to the computer screen, 
his warm palm over my hand, I could sense his alpha female 
bristling behind me.  I didn't much care - in fact, I 
probably derived some enjoyment from that fact alone.  I 
doubt someone like Agent Scully has to stand for someone 
else usurping her possessions very often.  And it's so rare 
that someone like me should get to do it.

I shudder to think how susceptible I am to the vulgarities 
of human nature.  To take pleasure in something as base and 
pointless as someone else's jealousy...is degrading.  Below 
me.  But it happened.  I cannot deny it, especially now, 
when there is no point to do so.

After =it= happened, I could feel the tension emanating 
from Agent Scully behind me, and I was tense, myself.  What 
did such an action mean?  Surely his touching me meant 
=something=, I told myself.  Why else would Agent Scully be 
so tense?  He was sitting so close behind me, and then to 
touch me...a very intimate gesture, I thought at the time, 
considering that we had only met the day before.  I 
shivered inwardly with delight.
                    
Of course, that was when his partner let open her 
hostility, not bothering to disguise it.  The alpha female 
felt threatened.  That meant there was something to feel 
threatened about, right?

I had just formed a defensive reply to her derision, which 
I'll admit was not unwarranted.  "I'm just going by the 
facts. In Chinese myth the Dhole can be evil, capable of 
opening doors, stealing wives and disappearing into thin 
air. Maybe there is some basis in reality for this 
trickster myth."

Agent Scully pounced at that, and there was no mistaking 
the double meaning in her reply.  "Oh, I'm...fairly certain 
there is."

She had found me out.  She knew what my motives were - that 
was what she was telling me.  But though luring Fox out 
here may have been my primary intention, there =was= 
something serious, something more going on here.  The Dhole 
existed.  Not that Agent Scully would believe that, now.

When she left, there was a moment of silence between Fox 
and myself, before he almost embarrassingly quickly took 
his leave, no doubt to chase down his alpha female.  Well, 
I certainly knew where I stood.

And a clearer picture of Fox and his partner was beginning 
to materialize.

~~~~~~~~
                      
I was not entirely surprised when Agent Scully came to see 
me.  That is not to say that I wasn't nervous; she was 
unlike any other woman I had ever met - more than able to 
hold her own in a confrontational spar of wits.  She was 
smart and was not as susceptible to many of the stupid acts 
human emotion often compels us to.

She smelled like him.  And she wore an air of self-
assuredness around herself like a shield.  Like an alpha 
female who had been appeased of her position in her alpha 
male's life.  It hurt to see it.  It was expected, and 
shouldn't have hurt, but it did all the same.

"Where's Fox?"  My nerves asked that question.  I didn't 
want him there so much because I wanted to see him - this 
particular time I simply wanted his presence to diffuse the 
mounting tension.

"Continuing his investigation," she replied.  In three 
words, she had dismissed my question and the right to know 
its answer.

She gently shoved Nicodemus from his chair in order to sit 
facing me.  I admired the fact that she wanted this to be 
fair - she was meeting me at my level, since I was sitting 
down, instead of choosing to remain standing, which would 
have given her an intimidation factor by height.  I sensed 
that this woman liked to win fair fights - nothing else 
would satisfy her.  I found myself admiring this quality.

"You're not working together?" I asked casually.  I don't 
know what I hoped to accomplish by trying to intimate in 
any small way that their separation meant anything.

"No.  This is my investigation."

I don't like confrontations.  I like being direct, but I 
don't like being cornered.  I don't have the necessary 
skills to come out victorious very often.  And with this 
woman, that was a severe disadvantage.  But I wasn't going 
to make it easy for her.  If she wanted blood, she would 
have to work for it.  "Of?"

"You."  The word was firm, succinct.  She was not beating 
around the bush.

Don't let her know she's made you nervous.  Play dumb.  "I 
have no idea what you mean."

Then she stunned me.  As many times in as many days, Agent 
Scully was able to surprise me.  She looked me directly in 
the eye, then proceeded, "I thought at first that they were 
eccentricities or affectations - the dark, the clothes - 
but it's photosensitivity.  Your sleeves cover up skin 
lesions.  It's why you're here amongst the humans instead 
of out in the field.  Systemic lupus erythematosus."

I was torn between admiration and irritation.  She was 
obviously good at what she did for a living as an 
investigator, with an impressive store of knowledge.  But 
she was treading on my privacy with her observations.

Still, now that it was out, I had no reason to dance around 
the issue.  She was being direct and so I would show the 
same courtesy.  "Lupus...from the Latin for 'wolf.'  
Ironic, isn't it?"  I hadn't meant that tone to come out in 
my voice, almost asking for sympathy.  I don't know why it 
did.

That's when I told her that I had always felt more like a 
wolf than a person.

She seized upon it immediately, making the connection with 
ease.  "But not with Mulder. With Mulder, you found 
somebody you could communicate with...someone who 
challenged you.  But that wasn't enough.  You needed to 
lure him out here."  Typical that she should even hit upon 
the exact terminology I had myself considered.

My next words were carefully chosen, meant to sting in 
their own way.  "I lack your feminine wiles."  At the time, 
I was merely conceding to her alpha female position, to her 
superiority in this territorial dance we were involved in.  
In all ways she had the upper hand - as two females in our 
society, she was obviously the superior specimen, and 
worthy of a male such as Fox.

Her position was made even stronger by the history that she 
shared with him, her place as his partner and their years 
of communication.  But most of all, it was his love for her 
as a friend and colleague, his emotional attachment to her, 
that made her position inviolable.

Now in retrospect, I have to say - for a woman as 
intelligent and astute as she obviously is, how she could 
fail to see this can once again be blamed on the dynamics 
of human nature.  She does not see it, or will not let 
herself see it.  She knows what his position is in her 
life, and knows where she wants to be in his, but does not 
know for sure that she possesses it.

There can be no one else for Fox.  Having seen them 
together for only two days, I already know this.  But even 
after years spent with him, she does not.  Therein lies the 
evidence of what I have believed all along, that the 
intricacies of human behavior, the tendency to mask true 
feelings, only works against them.  There is a fear of 
emotional harm that keeps two people like Fox and his 
partner from realizing their true place in each other's 
lives, or at least, from acknowledging it to each other.

"I'm watching you," she stated, not menacingly, but it was 
firm, resolved.  It was a warning.

I tried to tell her, in my own subtle way, what she was 
missing.  I don't know why.  I had lost.  I had nothing to 
gain.  But that is perhaps one of the few superior traits 
that humans have above other animals - the capability for 
empathy is much higher.

I replied softly, "You watch...but you don't see."

~~~~~~~~
                      
When I saw Fox at the hospital, I knew that he suspected 
what I already knew about Detweiler.  I was not surprised 
that he paid another visit to my office.  I was reminded of 
when his partner had been here, so recently.  I doubt he 
knew of her visit.  This time, I was the one to tell my dog 
to shoo, so that Fox could sit down.

Despite what my mind had already figured out, that Fox had 
his alpha female and was blessedly content with her, my 
heart still held hope.  Another contrary facet of human 
nature.

He opened with truthfulness, though the words were still 
masked with politeness and kept them from being completely 
honest.  "I'm sensing something myself here. I'm thinking 
maybe I've been misled, that you haven't been totally 
honest with me about this case."

I responded in kind - with the truth.  "I've been honest 
with you, though perhaps not myself.  I was looking forward 
to meeting you.  I wouldn't admit how much."

He avoided this personal aspect, not seeming to have even 
heard the words, to my disappointment.  All he cared about 
was the case.  "But you might also have admitted what you 
knew about this animal - that it wasn't an animal at all."

Getting right to the heart of the matter, he asked if 
Detweiler was the Dhole.

I confirmed it.  Then, "He's got to be put down, Fox. It's 
the only way to stop this."

"I've got Scully on him, tailing him, watching his every 
move."

I tried not to be envious of the obvious confidence that he 
had in his partner.  Part of my bitterness seeped out, 
anyway.  "He'll elude her easily."  I suppose I wanted to 
take her down a little from her lofty position in Fox's 
eyes.

But he didn't take the bait.  Instead, he focused on 
Detweiler.  "So where's he going to go?"

I had to lie.  The Dhole was the only thing that I had 
left...and I knew that Fox and Agent Scully would destroy 
it if they should come upon it first.  It had to be put 
down, but =I= would do it, and in my own way.  So I said, 
"To the man he only wounded - to the hospital, to finish 
the kill."

Fox continued to wound me with his actions, though they 
only came naturally to him and without meaning to involve 
me at all.  The first thing he did after I gave him this 
information was to pick up the phone and call her.

"Scully, it's me."  The given familiarity.  Who else would 
'me' be?  "You got to get to the hospital...you got to make 
sure Cahn is protected...yeah, he's in danger."

I didn't even really hear his words. My attention had 
strayed to the "I Want To Believe" poster on the wall.  The 
one that makes me think of him.

He hurriedly thanked me, then rushed off to be with her.

I am alone.

~~~~~~~~
                      
Now I stand here in the room where he left me, awaiting my 
fate.  I know that the Dhole will be here tonight.  I just 
=know=.  It is a gift that I have.

Agent Scully called not long after Fox left, asking about 
the poster.  I told her I would have to think about it.  I 
know asking me for this favor wasn't easy for her.  After 
some contemplation, I took it down, rolled it up, and 
placed it in a mailing tube.  I addressed it to Dana Scully 
at the FBI.  She can do with it what she wants.

I smile a little.  It would be my last gift to Fox.

Knowing what I have to do, knowing the only recourse left 
to me if I am to survive, makes doing what I have to do 
easier.  I will try to tame the creature.  I want to see 
it, this canine legend that is myth come into tangible 
existence.  I want to feel the warmth of its pelt upon my 
neck, its loving fangs upon my skin.  I want to understand 
it...and I believe it will understand me.

I will become one with it, I will force my will upon it.  
I know that it will try to do the same to me, and I am 
counting on it.  We are such similar creatures.  We will 
battle for supremacy.  Man against beast.  Animal against 
animal.  I embrace my destiny with open arms.  I will leave 
behind my scars, my deformities, my earthly cares.  One 
will be declared a vanquisher tonight.

No matter the final outcome...I am victorious.

=End=

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
For this and other stories, go to:
http://www.angelfire.com/ms/naridalaw
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

DATE COMPLETED: May 24, 1999

HUGS AND BESOS TO: My readers, without whom I would never 
have the courage to share all the disturbing things in my 
head.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Merry Christmas!  I apologize for posting 
on such an occasion when this isn't even a holiday fic.  If 
you're wondering why this post-ep for "Alpha" is being 
posted at such a random time, it's because I'd totally 
forgotten about it until a recent discussion.  It's not 
even really a post-ep, taking place before the episode 
actually ends.  One of my first attempts at fanfic, which 
is why it got buried.  I resurrected it from my hard drive.  
Should it have remained there?  Yikes.

To the readers of "Worth Breaking" - I swear this was not a 
break in concentration, merely a Eureka! moment.