Life After Sids
~ Originally Written: October 1999~
2007 Update: Sheyenne would be 33 years
young had Sids not taken her away from me.
I want to begin by telling you my story.
In the early hours on the morning of November 2, 1974,my 3
and a half month old daughter woke up crying for her scheduled
feeding. I went into the kitchen to heat her bottle. When I
came back into the room, she had quit crying.
I sat her bottle down because I thought she had gone back to
sleep. I then changed her diaper... it was soaked),and picked her up.
When I picked her up, her head and arms fell back. I thought,
" Boy... she is just like dead weight! She must have fallen back
into a really deep sleep". I proceeded to lay her on my left arm
and cuddle her up.
At exactly 7:00 a.m., 'something' hit me hard in the chest and a
voice said, "Wake up and look at her!"
I sat straight up and looked at her. Her lips were blue and purple,
as was her skin. I screamed for my husband…he tried CPR…nothing.
She was dead and I had slept with her dead on my arm for two hours.
We didn't have a phone, so I had to compose myself enough to get
clothes on and started knocking on apartment doors and screaming
for help.
After that, things are pretty much a blur for me even today,
25 years later. I do remember the medical professionals,law
enforcement and family arriving. I watched a police officer and
fireman break down and cry at the scene. Another officer asked me if
I had murdered my daughter. I was 18 years old. My last memory was
seeing a little hump covered with a white sheet, on what seemed to be
a huge gurney, being wheeled out of my front door. I was never given
the opportunity to hold her in my arms one last time.
Her name is
Crystal Sheyenne Valentine-Gripp
She was born July 16th, 1974. My birthday is July 15th. She missed being
'my little birthday girl'by just a few hours. We buried her on
November 5th, 1974. She would have been 25 years old this past July,
had she not been a victim of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. The autopsy
confirmed it was indeed SIDS. She was a live, healthy, beautiful and
happy baby until that horrible morning when this mysterious killer
took her life.
My husband and I separated a few months later and we were divorced
exactly one year from the date we buried Sheyenne, November 5th, 1975.
I also have a son, CHRISTOPHER SHANE, whom I love and who needed me.
He was just 1 and a half years old when Sheyenne died. There were
countless days that I did not know if I could go on.
Somehow though, you do. You continue to go through the motions of
everyday living, even while in a daze. As the months and years pass,
you never forget your baby but the pain doesn't continue to consume
you totally on a daily basis.
My husband of 18 years now, MICHAEL, has always been there for me
when I needed him. (He adopted Shane when he was 15). We recently
shared a 'once in a lifetime' moment on September 11, 1999, when
we dis-interred and re-interred Sheyenne.
This was the second most emotional day I have ever had to live through.
Because I was not allowed to hold Sheyenne after she died, I have
yearned to hold her just one more time through the years.
After the disinterment, her casket was taken into a room for us. I had
buried her with the tiniest little gold cross you could ever see.
It is 1/4" tall. I have worn the same identical cross for 25 years.
I purchased two when she died. I wanted her to have a cross on when
God welcomed her into His house.
It took all the inner strength I had and more to open the casket after
25 years, but I felt like I had too, no matter what I would find.
My family and friends were very concerned that I could not handle "it"
and that the image would haunt me for the rest of my life.I didn't know
if it would or not. How can you possibly know that if you don't know
what you're going to see? All I knew was I had to do this, no matter
what the consequences might be.
It was AMAZING! She looked just as she did on that faithful day in
November 1974. All her clothes, lining of the casket, lace; EVERYTHING
had turned a bright gold. Not yellow from age, but GOLD! The brightest
gold that my husband, funeral director, or I had ever seen before!
She stated that NEVER in her 13 years of performing disinterments
had she ever seen anything like this. Everything looked just as it did
in 1974. Her hair, skin, clothes, etc. Her skin pigmentation had changed
to a darker color but the little curl on the top of her head was even there,
as was everything about her.
I realize that the body is just a temple God provides for our souls.
However, you can not help but think it is your baby lying there, and not
just a shell. I did not get to hold her in my arms as I had hoped.
She was too delicate and I did not want to disturb anything. We did however,
exchange crosses...I now have her cross that she's worn for 25 years
and now she has her Mommy's. Nancy, the funeral director, and Michael did
the exchange for me while I watched.
I feel so very lucky to have been given a second chance in life to look
at my daughter, although I could not hold her. I can now just reach up and
touch the cross around my neck everyday. It seems to radiate a feeling of
inner peace and I feel an incredible closeness to my daughter. Mere words
alone cannot describe it.
We had her moved to where Michael and I are going to be buried. She was
originally in "Babyland" at Memphis Memorial Park in Memphis, TN.
After 25 years of flowers and items being stolen off of her grave, I could
not take it anymore. We purchased the lots and it took me 3 years to decide
that I was going to move her. I spent many sleepless nights and agonized over
trying to make the decision to move her. She will now be with her Mommy
for all of eternity.
Our son is now 26 and married. We have a beautiful daughter-in-law and the
cutest little "Aussie" grandson, DAKOTA, who fills my life with much laughter
and many joys. My daughter-in-law, ANGELINA, reminds me of how Sheyenne
would have been, had she lived. People comment about how much Angelina and
I even look and act alike.They think she IS my daughter. I sometimes wonder
if God brought her into our lives to help ease the pain from the loss of
Sheyenne. I find it even alittle ironic that her name is 'Angel'ina.
I know that Sheyenne's little spirit, soul are up in heaven with God;
and ALL of "Our Little Angels" are together playing and comforting one
another. I 'm also aware, first hand, of how much we miss our little ones,
but we must remember that they are truly in a better place and we will be
with them again one day.
You may not think you will survive this terrible tragedy, but you will...
you MUST.
My thoughts and prayers are always with the families and every
innocent child we lose so abruptly and without any known cause.
[Click to enlarge]
"Some only dream of angels...I held one in my arms"
Thank's for visiting Sheyenne's 'Little piece of Heaven'.
Remember to sign her Guestbook and please come back again soon!
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