I finally got my cigarette to light. It seems like an analogy for my life. An ugly, visual analogy. I feel very out of control now. Leigh laughed in my face when I asked about the FAQ. They're all liars, because it's so similar. Similar enough for meade to call it a "blantant reproduction" and similar enough for 2 people to email me asking about it.

I worked so hard and just because they've been Placebo fans for 25 fucking years they think they have the credibility to fuck me and they probably do. I hate men. Sometimes I hate people. They can be so cruel and heartless. I like to believe that their actions will come back to them. That God or the universe or whatever will give them their just rewards for their actions.

Sometimes I wish that I drank or did drugs. I feel so self destructive sometimes. I guess I put too much stock into this internet shit. I think I will beep Kendra instead of writing on. I'm smoking in the house. So fucking what.