Mulder gazed skeptically at his oldest children (excluding Ari, who was off at boarding school for a few months learning to polka like a pro). "He's gazing skeptically!" Scully cried, cracking up.
Mulder tossed her an angry look. "You're getting fat," he said.
She dug her spoon into the ice cream container and took a bite. "I'm pregnant you fool, of course I'm getting fat."
He looked back at the girls. "You say a black helicopter came and picked up a boy trying to eat a rat?"
"Yes!" Dani cried. "Ratboy!"
Mulder and Scully exchanged a look. "Let's go," she said.
"Where are we going?" Sarah cried as all five girls were rushed outside. An brand new minivan that was too humiliating to ever use was on one side of the driveway. Hesitantly, Mulder put Missy and Samantha's carseats into the minivan. They all got in and began to drive.
"What's going on?" Maggie demanded. She, Sarah and Dani were squished into the very back, Missy and Samantha up in the middle.
Scully screamed. Mulder slammed on the brakes. "What?" he yelled.
Scully's lower lip trembled. "I'm hungry."
He slammed his hand down on the steering wheel. "Dammit, Scully!" he cried. "You're two months pregnant and you've already gained ten pounds!"
"So?" she shot back defensivly. "You'd eat a lot if you were pregnant too!"
"WHY ARE WE IN THE CAR?" Sarah yelled from the back seat.
Scully got emotional and threw herself back into her seat. "Just drive," she said angrilly.
"What's wrong?"
She burst into tears. "You Toaster damned unsenitive men! You knock us up and don't give a damn about anything except our weight!"
"Uh, guys?" Dani asked.
"That's not true, I'm just saying, you're going to make yourself sick with all this food."
"Hello, I'm eating for two you moron!" Scully yelled, beginning to cry even harder. "Damned hormones!" she screamed.
"Mumma?" Samantha called.
"Scully, calm down!" Mulder cried, touching her shoulder.
She threw his hand off. "Don't tell me to calm down!" she screamed. "I'm having a hormonal overload, you've made me self-conscious about my weight, we have to worry about Ratboy and his damn hormonal overloads and here we are, sitting in a shitty minivan fighting about food!"
"HELLO!?!?!?" Maggie screamed.
"Sorry I said anything," he said, starting to drive again.
Scully cried even harder. "You would be."
"Mumma!" Missy wailed.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Unable to take it anymore, Sarah reached into the babies' diaper bag and pulled out a ziplock baggie filled with animal crackers. She went up to the front and handed them to her sobbing mother. Scully looked at Sarah and hugged her tightly, making Sarah gag and loose her balance, half lying on the ground, half being hugged. "I love you!" Scully wailed. "You're such a wonderful person!"
"Mom, ow, let go, you're hurting me," Sarah gasped.
Scully let go. "Sorry, honey."
Sarah went back to her seat while Scully chomped away. "So, what's going on again?" Maggie asked.
"We need to go get Ratboy," Mulder said.
"Little Ratboy or Gay Ratboy?" Sarah wanted to know.
"Little," Mulder said. "His father is Krycek, and his mother is Anna Fugazzi. Since he's Ari's brother, it's only right that we go get him."
"What's his name?" Dani inquired.
"His name is Robert," Dani answered.
"How did you know that?" Scully asked.
"I got inside the mind of the writer," Dani explained.
"No, you told the writer what to say," Maggie said.
"Whatever," Dani said with a hair toss and a shrug.
"Uh, anyways, we're going to MIB HQ to look for him," Mulder continued.
"Mumma, I thirsty!" Samantha cried.
Scully reached back and handed her a bottle full of Diet Coke. After all, no milk is allowed. In Cyberland, we only drink Diet Coke.
"No like!" Samantha yelled, throwing the bottle in back of her. There was a brief battle, but Maggie ended up winning the bottle and drank the Diet Coke.
Samantha opened her mouth and started to scream and cry loudly. Missy cried with her, in perfect harmony. Maggie sang a high A, harmonizing with both of them. Sarah and Dani looked rather grumpy and wished they could correctly harmonize.
"STOP!" Mulder yelled.
Maggie stopped but the babies kept crying. "Oh dammit, my animal crackers are gone," Scully moaned.
Maggie, Sarah, Dani and Mulder began smacking their heads repeatedly against windows saying, "Death to the Republic...death to the Republic," over and over again.
Quote of the page...
