Feedback: Comments are appreciated, constructive criticism is fine, but flames will be used to make S'mores.

Summary: Sequel to 'The Grate' - Aeryn keeps her promise

Rating: Let's say PG, although that's probably harsh.

Timeline: Between 'The Hidden Memory' and 'Bone to Be Wild'

You probably don't have to read 'The Grate' before you read this one, but it'll make a *lot* more sense if you do. If you need a refresher - www.crosswinds.net/~nickless/farscape/fics/grate.html

Spoilers: vague references to various Season 1 eps

Archive: If you've got 'The Grate', go ahead and take this one, too. Otherwise, e-mail me; we'll talk. :)

Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "Farscape" belong to the Jim Henson Company, Rockne S. O'Bannon, the Sci-Fi Channel, Hallmark Entertainment, Nine Network Australia, and the actors who bring the characters to life. They have been borrowed with love, but not permission. I don't own Grease, either. No copyright infringement is intended.

This one is for Koren and Shar, for their *ahem* 'encouragement'.

Thanks to Paulie for her last-minute help, and to Adele, again, even though I'm still slightly freaked out. ;)

Copyright Sarah Wait, July 2000

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Later

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She wasn't on the Terrace.

That had surprised him, at first. By the time John got to Command, she was already gone. No one knew where she had gone. As soon as the others had explained the plan to elude Scorpius, he had set out to find her. He knew she would be watching the baby Leviathan, and the Terrace afforded the best view. So, logically, that's where he had started.

Logically, he was wrong. And confused.

But now, standing in the doorway to the Center Chamber, he understood. Here she could rest on the table as she gazed out the large, curved windows, studying this miracle created of darkness and light. The Peacekeepers and Moya. The past and the present - Aeryn's past and present. And now, a glimpse of the future. She would be drawn to it; of that he was certain. Nothing, not even a near-fatal injury, would stop her.

John watched her silently for a moment. She was weaker than she would ever admit, of course. It showed in the tilt of her head; the slight slump of her shoulders - the very fact that she was here and not on the Terrace. His favorite Peacekeeper, bruised and battle-weary. Ex-Peacekeeper, he amended. Either way, his savior. In more ways than one.

He still couldn't quite believe that she had come after him. Her voice in the hallway outside his cell had sounded like the song of an angel. For a moment he had been convinced his mind was playing tricks on him - yet another gift from the Aurora Chair. But suddenly, there she was, standing in the middle of the floor in all her radiant beauty, kicking ass and taking names. Aeryn Sun, dishonorably discharged Peacekeeper, saving his life. Again.

There hadn't been time to do more than exchange concerned pleasantries; to ask if she was okay. "I'm better... now." Her answer confirmed that Chiana and Gilina had succeeded, and finally, some of the darkness inside him had lifted.

Then they were running again, fighting, trying to escape. Peacekeepers, Scorpius, Gilina... all of them bled together in his mind, until finally, his memories caught up to the present. Now, seeing her here - safe, alive, and back on Moya where she belonged - he allowed himself to believe, just for a moment, that everything would be all right. Somehow. Some way.

He was drawn out of his musings when Aeryn shivered. Pilot had already dropped the temperature several degrees; it would drop several more over the next few minutes. Shrugging his own blanket more securely around his shoulders, he hefted the other in his arms and approached the table. Aeryn gave no indication that she was aware of his presence, but he knew he wouldn't startle her. Most likely, she had known he was there since the moment he had stepped in the doorway. That's just the way she was. Some Peacekeeper traits never died.

As he draped the warm blanket around her shoulders, Aeryn finally acknowledged him. She smiled her thanks as John climbed onto the table next to her. With a questioning look, Aeryn turned to study the strange object he had placed behind him. "*What* is that?"

"It's a hat," John explained defensively.

Aeryn glanced back at John, her eyes twinkling with humor. "If you insist..."

John laughed, then turned his attention to the stars in front of them. The baby was hovering just outside the windows, giving them a perfect view of his profile.

"Pretty impressive," John observed.

Aeryn murmured her agreement. "It amazes me that in the middle of all... this... something as wondrous as a new life can emerge."

John shook his head slightly. "A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on."

Aeryn looked at him curiously. "What?"

"It's an old Earth saying. And let me tell you, there were plenty of times in the last few days when I seriously wondered if the world *was* going to go on." His voice turned harsh as he remembered the agonizing hours in the Aurora Chair. "At least for me." He shook his head as if to dispel the memories, unwilling to dwell on the dark thoughts. "Guess this little guy answers that question."

Aeryn apparently sensed his reluctance to discuss his time on the Gammak Base and decided to leave that one alone. Instead of responding, she pulled the blanket closer around her shoulders and turned back to the window. After a moment of comfortable silence, she cleared her throat nervously. "So is Stark -- ? I saw the pod leave."

"Yeah, he's all set. Their scanners are still totally fried. No problems."

Aeryn hesitated, a frown creasing her brow. John studied her silently, watching her facial expressions as she struggled to decide if she really wanted to continue her line of questioning. It was so easy to forget that she wasn't human; an alien, something completely different. Yet, the more time he spent with them, the less everyone on Moya seemed like aliens. Pilot with his four arms - that didn't seem so strange anymore. Neither did the tentacled warrior. Or the blue pseudo-priestess. The impetuous thief. The egotistical toad. Even Moya herself. Less like aliens, more like friends.

With a deep breath, Aeryn finally plunged ahead. "And Gilina?"

"Yeah. Everything's taken care of." John fell silent as he once again thought back to the events of the last few arns. Had it only been that long? The past few days had seemed to last a lifetime.

"I'm sorry for what happened, John. What she did, she did out of friendship. She went against her training, everything she believed in order to help us. She didn't have to."

John smiled and slid his gaze sideways. "Kinda like someone else I know."

Aeryn ignored his insinuation. "She was a good friend."

"Yeah."

Aeryn paused and shifted uncomfortably. John idly wondered what she'd come up with this time. She was certainly on a roll tonight. "Do you wish she could have been... more than a friend?"

With a sigh, John searched his feelings. He wasn't surprised she had asked, and for once, he didn't want to dodge the issue. "Maybe at one time, I did. Before. When we were on the Zelbinion. 'Summer lovin', had me a blast... Summer lovin', happened so fast...'"

Where the hell had that come from? He shook his head, not quite sure what had prompted him to say that. He had noticed it happening a lot after his little spin in Scorpius' Chair of Wonders - his thoughts had a fragmented quality about them, and he kept finding himself rattling off the first thing that popped into his mind, no matter how odd it sounded.

He realized Aeryn was staring at him, bemused and a little concerned. He laughed, a desperate little giggle which he was fairly certain did nothing to reassure her. "Yep, Travolta knew what he was talking about, man," he drawled slowly.

Aeryn still looked confused. "You're full of human sayings tonight, aren't you?" she teased gently.

Shrugging, he returned his gaze to the window. "Well, if the shoe fits..."

He couldn't help it. He glanced down at his boots, peeking out from the bottom of his blanket, at the same time Aeryn did. Their heads bumped and John chuckled, reaching out to brush her hair away from her face to make sure he hadn't hurt her. Her wry grin reassured him that her head was apparently as hard as his.

John searched her eyes, suddenly turning serious. The smile fell from her face as she recognized the change in his mood. "It's 'later', Aeryn," he reminded her softly. He didn't want to push, but he had to. They had to deal with it - now. 'Later' was too uncertain. The Aurora Chair had taught him that.

"I know." Aeryn slid off the table, wincing slightly as her body twisted. She slowly crossed the floor to stand in front of the curved window. "I've had time to think since we returned to Moya. And I promised. I promised you; I promised *myself*."

John gave her a few moments, then slipped off the table and moved behind her. He stopped a few feet away and slightly to the side, giving her the space she needed. There were times to talk, and there were times to just listen. This was one of the latter.

She drew in a deep breath and started to speak, then faltered. He took a small step forward, knowing that she could feel his presence beside her and hoping she took comfort in it. Her voice started out faint, as if coming from somewhere far away, but grew stronger as she continued. "I always expected to die, Crichton. Someday, somewhere, in some unforeseen battle - it didn't matter which one. But the key to being a good soldier is to always believe that it's not going to happen in *this* battle.

"I expected to die, but I never expected to have time to think about it. I always thought I would die quickly. At worst, I might be incapacitated for a short while before the injuries overcame me. But nothing like this. Even with the Living Death - it was different. I didn't have control of my thoughts. Not like I did this time.

"Yet when Larraq..." She paused, swallowing hard, and John shifted uncomfortably. Even the mention of that name was enough to incite a barrage of emotions inside of him. A tiny seed of jealousy settled deep in his gut whenever he thought of the way Aeryn had looked at the Peacekeeper when they didn't know he was watching them - like the Commando represented something she missed and desperately wanted to recover. And of course, that was exactly it. *Larraq was everything she used to be, everything she lost - gave up - to save me,* he realized. And the past was something he would never be able to give her. That knowledge sparked a bitter sense of resentment that surprised him in its intensity. With great effort, he was able to push it away.

The flash of rage that seared through him was harder to temper. He fought to remind himself that it wasn't Larraq who had plunged the blade into Aeryn's chest - no more than it had been himself beating Hassan to death in the maintenance bay. *Poor guy got possessed twice,* John thought. *First by the virus, then by me when I went to the Base pretending to be him.* In a way, he felt an odd kinship with the Peacekeeper... So close, yet so far away. His attention jerked back to Aeryn as she finally gathered the words to continue.

"...after he stabbed me... I had lots of time to think. Lying there, waiting for my paraphoral nerve to fail... Frell, that's all I *could* do - lie there and think. Think about myself, about my life..." She paused again, and he could see her lashes drop over her eyes as her gaze fell to the floor. "...about you. It scared me at first. Yes, I should have said something to you as soon as I realized what was wrong; I know that now. But I had it all planned. I would take my Prowler and simply... disappear. I could almost convince myself it was a battle. Almost.

"Death was inevitable, and I've never seen the purpose in fighting the inevitable. At least not until you came along, Crichton. For a primitive being, you've taught me a lot of things. About myself. Things that I didn't necessarily care to learn before. But I needed to, and finally, I admitted that. And with every new thing I learn, I find I want to learn more." She paused uncomfortably, as if she wasn't sure where to go from there; afraid she had already said too much.

John took a small step forward and smiled, hoping to get her to relax. "I'm gonna turn you into a geek yet," he quipped gently.

As he expected, Aeryn resisted his attempt at humor. "I will always be a soldier, John."

He took her arm, gently turning her towards him to meet his gaze. "I know - I do," he insisted when she tensed. "And I would never, ever try to change that. You are who you are. It's just that..."

Aeryn nodded, knowing what came next. "I can be more than a Peacekeeper."

"You already are," he reassured her softly.

Aeryn looked away and John took a small step back, releasing her arm. She swallowed hard, then fixed her gaze on a point somewhere over his left shoulder. "I never told you who I got that ident chip from, did I?"

"Crais." It wasn't a question.

Aeryn nodded, murmuring a soft confirmation. "As soon as I saw him, all of the thinking I had done came rushing back to me. And it wasn't so terrible anymore. It was wonderful. The things I had done, what I had decided, everything I had figured out... It was all so much more than when I was a Peacekeeper. Suddenly I felt... free. And until that moment, I'd never even realized I had been imprisoned.

"John, I need... What I'm feeling, what's happened... what's happening now... I don't want to go back to that past, but going forward is... " Aeryn finally seemed to run out of words, ending with a frustrated shrug; a silent plea for understanding.

"Scary?" he offered, completing the thought she seemed so reluctant to voice.

Her gaze darted to his face, then away again. She didn't answer.

She didn't have to.

"I understand. And I'm not gonna push you into anything, Aeryn. Not before you're ready." He stepped forward and reached out to gently grasp her chin, turning it until she met his eyes. He wanted to be absolutely sure that she understood what he was about to say. "But I'm not going to let it go, either." He would give her the space she needed, let her do this at her own pace - but he refused to let her move backwards. They had come too far for that.

Aeryn cleared her throat, her turbulent emotions warring across her sculpted features. Finally, one won out over the rest. Relief. "Thank you. For everything."

Shaking his head, John cut her off. "No, we've been there. Done that. It's all taken care of," he reassured her.

She nodded and managed a small smile. John had known from the start that this intense conversation would be incredibly trying for a Peacekeeper trained to believe that emotions were a soldier's greatest weakness. It was time to let her off the hook. Still holding her chin, he leaned forward and rubbed his nose lightly against hers. She wrinkled her nose but her smile grew broader. "What was that?"

"That was an Eskimo kiss. I thought it was appropriate, considering the temperature." John doubted that Sebaceans had an equivalent term for 'Eskimo', but she laughed anyway. *It's all in the context,* he told himself.

John reluctantly released her chin and dropped his hands to the edges of her blanket, pulling it snugly around her shoulders. "We'd better go meet the others. I think Pilot was going to keep the temperature in Command a few degrees warmer. If we stick around here much longer, I'm afraid you're going to turn into a PK-popsicle."

He stepped back to snag his hat from the table, then turned to find Aeryn waiting patiently at his side. With his hand at the small of her back, they left the Center Chamber and headed towards Command.