(Two teenage girls, ANNE and TERESA, cross the
stage while conversing with each other about nothing in particular.
They find themselves looking at a pair of doors. Both doors
are marked "USE OTHER DOOR".)
ANNE:
That's really weird.
TERESA: What?
ANNE:
Both of those doors are marked "use other door." If we
can't use either of them, what can we use?
TERESA: Maybe
there's a third door.
(They quickly scan the room and
discover that, sure enough, there is no third
door.)
TERESA: That's really weird.
Maybe we're just not supposed to go beyond the doors.
ANNE:
But then why do they say "use other door"? Why not just
"Do Not Enter"?
TERESA: I'm not sure. Maybe somebody
has a sense of humor.
ANNE: Maybe, but I just don't get
it.
(Enter MARY and JAMES, a married couple.
They also enter conversing about nothing in particular, although
their voices are audible.)
JAMES: What's
going on here?
TERESA: We're not sure. Both of these
doors say "Use Other Door."
JAMES: Well, is there a third
door?
ANNE: We've checked, and it doesn't look like
it.
MARY: Well, that's certainly strange. It's like
... a Catch-22!
JAMES: It's more like somebody goofed.
I say we just ignore the signs and use the
door.
MARY: Now wait a minute. We're new here, and
the last thing we want is to get caught breaking a rule. How do
you know an alarm won't go off the minute you open that
door?
JAMES: So what if it does? We'll just tell
whoever answers the alarm that their signs are stupid and we had no
choice.
MARY: How do you know this isn't some sort of test
to see if we can follow all the rules?
JAMES: Why use such
a confusing test? Why don't they just say "Do Not
Enter"?
(As this argument continues, ANNE and TERESA
sit down on nearby chairs. A young man, MALACHI, enters. He is
dressed in religious garb.)
MALACHI: Excuse
me. What's going on here?
MARY: Well, we seem to be
having some trouble with the signs. They both say "Use Other
Door," and since that's obviously impossible, we're not sure what to
do.
MALACHI: Well, I hope you come to a decision
soon. I'm in something of a hurry. (He
sits.)
ANNE: So, Teresa, what do you
think?
TERESA: About what?
ANNE: The signs,
silly! (They are friends, so she's not being
insulting.)
TERESA: I'm not really sure. I don't
mind waiting, though. My feet need a rest.
ANNE:
Mine too.
(By this time both JAMES and MARY have also
taken seats.)
JAMES: You're being ridiculous.
We're all being ridiculous!
MARY: Why do you have to
go around calling other people names all the time? Here, you
don't even know these two girls, or this gentleman, and already you're
calling them ridiculous! Apologize right now!
JAMES:
Oh, shut up, Mary, you're getting on my
nerves.
(MARY shakes her head at the others, in
apology. They barely notice her.)
ANNE:
Teresa?
TERESA (who had been lost in thought):
Hmm?
ANNE: How much longer do you want to stay
here?
TERESA: Oh, I'm sure all answers will be provided,
if we wait long enough. That's the way it usually
is.
MALACHI (breaking in on their conversation):
Excuse me. Do either of you girls have a watch?
(they communicate that they do not)
MALACHI
(to JAMES and MARY): Excuse me. Do either of you have
a watch? (They do not either.)
(Everyone
is silent for a minute. Into this silence bursts OCTAVE. He
walks over to the doors, glances at them, glances at the people, and
knows all.)
OCTAVE: I see that you have been
defeated by one of life's little paradoxes, eh? (Silence)
Very interesting. Very interesting indeed. Have any of
you given any thought to returning back the way you came?
ANNE:
I'm not sure where I came from. I've been wandering for
hours.
MALACHI: I don't have time to find my back through
that maze. I'm in a big hurry.
MARY: Jamie- I mean, James
and I, we're not trying to get to anywhere in particular, and besides,
I'm sure the exit's right beyond these doors.
OCTAVE: Such
it must seem always in life, I fear. The exit is right beyond the
doors, but those who wish to leave are locked and barred inside, while
those whose wish it is to stay are pushed out against their will.
(He too sits down, although with a sense that he does not need
to.)
JAMES (sudden and angry): Would you all be
quiet! If I can't get out of this godforsaken little place, I'm at
least going to get some sleep! (He lays back. Through one
of those fragmentations of time common to live theater, he is asleep in
a matter of seconds. The lights dim on everything but him, and we
commence DREAM SEQUENCE #1.)
(Each dream sequence is
signaled by a blackout, followed by a voice-over before the lights come
back up.)
VOICE-OVER: ... And now, we present
the American Film Institute's latest tribute: (drum roll) 100
Years ... 100 Publicists! (fanfare)
FEMALE VOICE:
I'm sorry, but your call did not go through. Please hang up
and try again.
(By now, the stage has been rearranged,
the original set is gone, and JAMES is at center stage, on a
telephone.)
JAMES (very angrily): My
God, she's done it again! She's moved without telling
me!
MARY (entering): What's the matter,
dear?
JAMES: It's my mother. I always knew I was her least favorite child.
MARY: But dear, you're her only child.
JAMES: Yes, that makes it even worse!
MARY: I don't understand you, James. Why do you let this bother you? Why don't you either make peace with the old bag or forget about her?
JAMES: What are you saying? She's my mother! There's no way I could ever make peace with her. (Here and throughout the rest of the play, similarly absurd statements are to be delivered as if the speaker has no idea that they are absurd. Here, the absurdity lies in the implication that JAMES cannot make peace with the "old bag" because she is his mother. Read the line as if it says "forget about" instead of "make peace with.")
MARY: What about forgetting?
JAMES: She would never agree to that.
MARY: You know, James, I'm starting to worry about you.
JAMES (suddenly lashing out): Nag, nag, nag! That's all you ever do to me! Why is that? Why can't you just leave me alone?
MARY: Peaches and cream?
JAMES: What are you talking about! Answer me, Mary!
MARY: "Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary..."
JAMES: I can never get a straight answer out of you! Why don't you leave me alone? Tell me!
MARY: I wish I could, I do wish I could, Captain. There just isn't time for both of us.
JAMES: Are you saying there shouldn't be a "both of us," Mary? Do you want to get a divorce?
MARY: James, you're drooling.
JAMES: Huh?
(Dream sequence is over. JAMES is now lying back in his chair, while MARY wipes his mouth with a napkin from her purse.)
MARY: Jamie, darling, you were starting to drool.
JAMES (angrily): Yeah, well, why'd you have to wake me up? I was in the middle of an important dream.
OCTAVE: All dreams are important, for they provide the one true gateway into our subconscious. As Freud would say, "Let me sleep, for I wish to rest and lie not awake."
(STEWART enters.)
OCTAVE: Greetings, stranger! What tidings bring you hence?
STEWART (confused): What's going on here?
OCTAVE (cutting off others): There is no need, my friend, for summary. You have all the facts before you, here in this enclosed space. Exhibits A, B, C, and on through Triple Z. Behold, and tell us your hypothesis of the rationale of our actions. (STEWART pauses, looking around, confused.) Why do you hesitate, my friend? Do not demur out of fear that your guess will be thought implausible, for truth is often far stranger than fiction.
STEWART (tentatively): Well, it looks like you're all stuck here because there are two doors which both say "Use Other Door." But that can't be right.
OCTAVE: Why not, my friend?
STEWART: Why don't you all just ignore the sign and go through the doors? Or just turn around and go back?
OCTAVE: My friend ..., ah, but I am becoming repetitive in my form of address. You have not informed this minor assembly of the appellation with which you were christened as per your good parents' wishes. What, my friend, is your name?
STEWART: Stewart.
OCTAVE: Ah, Stewart. As I was saying, I am completely in agreement with you. Our behavior is both absurd and illogical. So why do I nothing? You see, I was not brought up to be a catalyst. The needed spark, determination, and sacrifice which is a requisite for those who wish to bring about change is not part of my makeup. I am beset by tides of inertia and apathy. Yet I may, if the persuasion is truly with me, coerce myself into aiding a true visionary if the need arises. Young Stewart, will you be my visionary?
(STEWART looks at him as if he is crazy. He goes up to the doors, then looks back for encouragement. He is met with apathy from all but OCTAVE, who has an air of bemused detachment about him. STEWART tentatively reaches for the door, but then loses his nerve. He goes and sits down.)
OCTAVE: So you will not. Very well then. I find no fault in you.
(Now ANNE and TERESA are our focus.)
ANNE: Doesn't that guy (Octave) strike you as a little weird?
TERESA: Yeah, really. He can't just speak in conversational English like the rest of us. What does he think he is, an actor?
ANNE: Yeah, I know. Hey, speaking of actors, are ...
TERESA: You're not going to ask me about Matt, are you?
ANNE: Come on, Teresa. When was the last time a guy took that much interest in you? When do you think another one will?
TERESA: Anne, I have better things to do with my time than spend it thinking about guys, and calling guys, and going out with guys ...
ANNE: Like what? What do you have to do that's so important. Read? Study?
TERESA: My life is important to me, Anne. All of it. Not just the social part.
ANNE: Well, okay. But you can't take a book to senior prom.
(Now we focus on STEWART and MALACHI.)
STEWART: Hello.
MALACHI: Hello. Do you happen to have a watch?
STEWART: As a matter of fact, I do.
MALACHI: Oh, good. I'm in a big hurry, so could you please tell me what time it is?
STEWART (looking at his watch): I'm sorry, but my watch doesn't say.
MALACHI: What do you mean, "doesn't say"? Is it broken?
STEWART: Oh no. It's just that telling time isn't one of its functions.
MALACHI: Oh, I see.
(Now he leans back to sleep. It is time for DREAM SEQUENCE #2.)
ANNOUNCER: ... Going on right now, at Joe's Furniture, our Second Annual Going-Out-of-Business Sale!
(We now see MALACHI at center stage. He wanders about, looking confused.)
MALACHI: My God, my God! Where art thou?
OFFSTAGE VOICE: Who is it that calls my name?
MALACHI: My God? I thought that you were omniscient.
O.S. VOICE: I am, my child, but I wished you to introduce yourself in your own words.
MALACHI: I am but your humble servant, O my Lord. I am but a poor seeker of truth.
O.S. VOICE: Seek and ye shall find, my son. Seek and ye shall find.
MALACHI: Oh, my Father! Why speakest Thou in cliches?
O.S. VOICE: Oh, my child, I do not mean to test your faith. I dare not reveal my verbiage in its full glory, for thou art but a man and may not have the fortitude to withstand a divine metaphor. But if thou havest a query, my child, do not hesitate in bringing forth. Speak now or forever hold your peace.
MALACHI: My God, I have but one question to ask of thee.
O.S. VOICE: What is it?
MALACHI: O Holy Father, is there- is there balm in Gilead?
O.S. VOICE: Peaches and cream, my son. Peaches and cream.
MALACHI: My One True Font! Why canst not I get a straight answer out of thee?
O.S. VOICE: Though I am the source of all wisdom, I dare not divulge it at too low a cost. Have faith in me, son. Hear this now, thou and all true believers: The truths you seek are in the world that I have created. Go forth, and seek them.
MALACHI: My God! Why hast thou forsaken me? Reveal Thine truth to me now, or I shall forever hang my head in ignorance!
O.S. VOICE (dying down): Fret not, Malachi. All will come to thee in good time.
MALACHI: My Lord! O my Lord! God! Oh God!
(Dream sequence is over. The others look at MALACHI, surprised.)
STEWART: Are you all right, sir?
MALACHI (groggy): Thank you, I'm fine.
JAMES: It looked like you were having a vision.
OCTAVE: All of us have our epiphanies, and all of us have our visions. It matters not what religion one is, or even if one is any religion at all. If there is a Lord, He works in mysterious ways. If there is no Lord, His ways are mysterious nevertheless.
ANNE (to TERESA): Well, that was certainly ... (She breaks off as she realizes that TERESA is asleep)
(Time for DREAM SEQUENCE #3.)
ANNOUNCER: ... If you have a peephole for your front door, why not your phone? Presenting "PRIVACY ID," available for only $20 at ... Radio Hut! (theme music)
ANNOUNCER #2: ... presenting Mushex, the cereal that does get soggy in milk, because we know that's how you like it!
ANNOUNCER #3: ... Ever notice that the cousin who owes you money is mysteriously never at home when you call? Presenting "PRIVACY ID BLOCKER," available for only $25 at ... Radio Hut! (theme music)
(TERESA sits a desk in the middle of the stage. She has a pencil and a pad of paper and is writing something.)
ANNE (O.S.): Shhh!
(TERESA stops writing and looks around. Seeing nothing, she continues writing.)
ANNE (O.S.): Can't you ever be quiet?
(TERESA looks around, now completely confused.)
ANNE (O.S.): Your writing! It's too loud! Can't you keep it down?
(TERESA shrugs and now tries to write "quietly.")
ANNE (O.S.): It's still too loud! Keep it down! You're bothering me!
(TERESA tries to write even more "quietly.")
ANNE (O.S.): No, no, no! You're still too loud! Write quietly or don't write at all!
TERESA (frustrated): Dammit, Anne! I can't write anything without bothering you somehow! Would you prefer I didn't write at all?
ANNE (O.S.): As long as it doesn't bother me!
TERESA: So that's the way it is, Anne.
ANNE (O.S.): Yes, Teresa. That's the way it is. Peaches and cream.
(DREAM SEQUENCE ends.)
ANNE: ... Charles on Saturday and Dan on Sunday, or is it Dan on ... Oh, I'm sorry. Did I wake you?
TERESA (uncharacteristically brusque): Yes.
ANNE: Well, I'm sorry. I was just thinking aloud.
TERESA: Anne, do you know what thinking to yourself is?
ANNE (taken a bit aback): Well, yes. Of course.
TERESA: And do you know what talking to yourself is?
ANNE (still confused): Of course. I do it all the time.
TERESA: Are you aware that they are, in fact, two different things?
ANNE: Teresa, what's the matter with you? I'm sorry I woke you, but it's not like ... I don't know, ... You've done worse things to me!
TERESA: Like what? What have I done to you? Refused to go along when you fixed me up for Homecoming without my knowledge? Wanted to stay home and write when you try to drag me along to one of your "wild parties"? Not dropped an "it's like, you know" into every other one of my sentences?
ANNE: Come on, Teresa, it's ... Hey, I don't say "it's like, you know"! And look, Miss High-and-Mighty, don't think that writing about not having friends is better than actually having friends, because it's not! And ...
JAMES: Hey, could you girls keep it down?
(ANNE suddenly stops and both girls look ashamed.)
MARY (to them, away from JAMES): Don't pay any attention to him, girls. He's just naturally cranky.
(STEWART walks over.)
STEWART: You know, it strikes me that we might be here for some time. I just think we should introduce ourselves. (pauses) Well, as I said before, my name is Stewart.
ANNE: Pleased to meet you, Stewart. I'm Anne, and this is ...
TERESA (cutting her off): My name is Teresa.
MARY: I'm Mary Pressburger, and this is my husband James.
STEWART: Our saintly friend over there is named Malachi, and the big talker calls himself Octave.
(There is a pause.)
ANNE: So, Stewart, what's your favorite color?
TERESA: You know, Anne. I'm sorry I was a little ... you know. I'm always cranky when I get up; it's just that you're usually not there to see it.
ANNE: Quite all right. (But you get the feeling they're not completely reconciled.)
MARY: You know, I like you girls. You remind me ... I don't know ... You remind me of what I was like when I was younger, before I ... (She glances, clearly timorous, in the direction of JAMES, who is sitting out of earshot.)
STEWART (understanding): You were young when you got married?
MARY: Oh, yes. We were both right out of high school, and we didn't have much money. I worked to put him through college, and it was understood that with the money he earned with a degree, we could put me through too. But ... well, he had trouble keeping a job, and we needed a down payment on the house ...
ANNE: Do you have any children?
MARY: No, not yet. Jamie doesn't want a large family. He was an only child, you know. Me, I had nine brothers and sisters, so I didn't mind, but ... (changes subject) So, have you girls decided what you want to do with yourselves yet?
ANNE: No, not really. Maybe an actress, or a lawyer.
TERESA: I'm not sure. I like writing, but I'm not sure how much money there is in it, you know?
MARY: That's all right. You girls have your whole life ahead of you. No need to rush. (pauses, wistfully) Although I did dream of being a writer once, just like you. I used to read all the time in high school. In fact, I first met Jamie in English class.
(OCTAVE now walks over.)
OCTAVE: Greetings. (They greet him in return.) I noticed that a socialization ritual was taking place, and I did not want to be left out.
ANNE: So, Octave, what's your favorite color?
OCTAVE: My name, young lady, is not a musical term. It is a French name, pronounced "Ock-TAH-vay." If you plan to get anywhere in this world, I would suggest that you learn at least the basics of pronunciation. (pauses) Purple. Not maroon, mind you, but true violet.
STEWART: Well, sir, what do you think of our predicament?
OCTAVE: I try not to. The circumstances by themselves are quite amusing, but I find the interactions of the people involved to be infinitely more fascinating. So, please proceed with your conversing as you were before my arrival. You may consider me to be the proverbial fly upon the wall.
ANNE: All right, then. Teresa, what's your favorite color?
(JAMES and MALACHI are watching from the other side.)
JAMES: Look at them. Before you know it, my wife will be airing our dirty laundry in front of complete strangers.
MALACHI: (silence)
JAMES: Hey, you! You think meditating will get us out of here?
MALACHI: I'm sorry. I was just thinking.
JAMES: Yeah, well. That's the problem with the world today. Too much thinking, not enough doing.
MALACHI: (nothing)
JAMES (with disgust): I see hundreds of you people every day. You sit in your pews, and your cathedrals and mosques and temples and pagodas, and you pray. You don't lift a finger, just sit there and pray. As if everything will somehow get done while you're off "practicing" your religion. As if your bills will pay themselves. As if your work will get done. And the rest of us, the practical ones, have to do twice as much work to take up the slack of you religious busybodies!
MALACHI: (still nothing)
JAMES: Aw, forget it.
(Meanwhile, the others have run out of things to talk about and ANNE is having her DREAM SEQUENCE.)
ANNOUNCER: ... Coming up next, on Access Entertainment, an interview with Hollywood's hottest rising star, ... James Caan!
ANNOUNCER #2: ... So just remember, we all need some cholesterol to survive. (pause) This has been a paid announcement by the National Organization of Butter Distributors.
(ANNE is at center stage, standing fully dressed in a small wading pool.)
TERESA (O.S.): My friend Anne, she's just so shallow. I don't know why I even ...
ANNE: Teresa?
TERESA (O.S.): Yes, Anne?
ANNE: I'm having problems.
TERESA (O.S.): Yes, I know, Anne. You always have problems.
ANNE: It's my mother. She ...
TERESA (O.S.) (ever-so-slightly mocking): She won't let you go out on Friday night.
ANNE: How did you know that?
TERESA (O.S.): It's strange, but my mother never keeps me from studying in my room on Friday nights. Then again, maybe that's because I'm always home by eleven.
ANNE: Teresa ...
TERESA (O.S.): I also end up passing the test on Monday. It's funny how that works. Do you think there's a connection?
ANNE: Teresa ...
TERESA (O.S.): Peaches and cream, Anne. Peaches and cream.
ANNE: I don't understand.
TERESA (O.S.): You never do.
ANNE: Teresa, just listen to me, please! My mom was yelling at me, and then she hit me! And then I started crying and my dad told me that if I didn't shut up, he'd ...
TERESA (O.S.): My friend Anne is so shallow. Honestly, I don't know why I even bother ...
(... And the DREAM SEQUENCE is over.)
TERESA: Anne, did I wake you?
ANNE (groggily): Well, I guess you're just returning the favor.
TERESA: I'm sorry. I was feeling a little bit uncomfortable and I didn't realize you were leaning on my shoulder ...
ANNE: Well, if you'd prefer, I could sit somewhere else ...
TERESA: Oh, no, I'm not saying that.
ANNE: Quite all right. (She goes and sits across from TERESA.)
JAMES (to TERESA): If you don't like having people sleep on your shoulder, just hope you don't get married to someone like my wife. Everywhere we go, she always complains about being tired. And at home, all she ever does is housework- and in between the housework, she sleeps. I keep telling her to get a job, but it's always some excuse or other. It's not as if we couldn't use the money, either. I hate dragging around dead weight!
OCTAVE: Dragging around dead weight, my friend, is a surprisingly apt way of describing the living process.
JAMES: Oh, great. Here he goes again. (sarcastically) Got anything more to say about life?
OCTAVE: As a matter of fact, I do. You, my friend, are in the midst of a long, slow process of dying.
JAMES: Oh, really? What "process" is that?
OCTAVE: It's called life. Life. A sexually transmitted disease that always proves fatal.
(And thus we are led into DREAM SEQUENCE #5, Mary's.)
ANNOUNCER: ... And presenting Thick and Fatty's newest delicious flavor of ice cream, ... Chunky Meat! That's right, Chunky Meat, the only ice cream flavor with large chunks of meat!
CHORUS (singing): Chunky Meat, Chunky Meat. It's the one that can't be beat. Chunky Meat, Chunky Meat, it's got great big chunks of ...
(The chorus is interrupted by the strains of "Ride of the Valkyries" as we see MARY standing in front of a table, preparing dinner. Wagner's piece plays throughout the entire dream sequence.)
JAMES: Good morning, Mary.
MARY: What are you talking about, Jamie? It's nine o'clock at night. I spent all evening preparing a special dinner for you. I even made your favorite desert, peaches and cream.
JAMES: I'm not hungry right now. I already ate.
MARY: What do you mean? When did you eat?
JAMES: It took you so long to fix that, my digestive system digested itself.
MARY: Jamie! That's sickening!
JAMES: No less than our marriage.
MARY: Jamie, I'm beginning to sense that we're having problems. Should we see a therapist?
JAMES: Therapy won't help, and I'm getting sick and tired of you calling me "Jamie" like I'm a little kid.
MARY: But, but ... James ... The letters you sent me while you were overseas ... the one you proposed in ... they were all signed "Jamie"!
JAMES: I was a little kid then.
MARY: James, I love you! I gave up everything for you! I slave around the house every day, I wake up early in the morning, ... I barely have enough strength to go to all those social functions you keep dragging me to! But I go, for your sake ...
JAMES: You embarrass me to death there! Sometimes I think you're trying to sabotage my career!
MARY: Oh, James, how can you say such a thing. I, ... I, ... I'm not going to take this anymore! I want a divorce!
(DREAM SEQUENCE is over, but its legacy remains.)
JAMES: What did you say?
MARY (groggy): Huh?
JAMES (loudly and angrily): What did you say?
MARY: I said ... I want a divorce.
JAMES: You do, do you?
MARY: Oh no, James, you don't understand! (pauses) Yes, you do. And yes, I do. I want a divorce.
(Pause for this to sink in.)
JAMES (with contempt): Fine, then! Where will you go?
OCTAVE: Where will any of us go? Right now, it seems the answer is "nowhere."
(There is silence. Finally, STEWART walks over to OCTAVE and speaks.)
STEWART: You know, I can't make head or tail of our situation. I mean, here we are, trapped in this ... , this ...
OCTAVE: Stage?
STEWART: Stage??
OCTAVE: That's what it is to me. Our little dramas are playing themselves out here, one by one, in front of a live audience.
STEWART: But ...
OCTAVE: Of course, the dialogue is rather mundane and trite. But the voyeuristic element more than makes up for that. (beat) But you, my friend ... you have remained an enigma. There has been no personal glimpse into your psyche. Like it or not, you, my friend, are the audience's main point of interest right now.
(STEWART is more than a little disconcerted. He walks away, still thinking. He sits down. ANNE and TERESA are sitting across from each other, avoiding eye contact. Same for JAMES and MARY. MALACHI is by himself in a corner. OCTAVE is standing by himself in the center. STEWART is off to the side. He is bored. He has nothing to do. So, DREAM SEQUENCE #6.)
VOICE: ... But still, all things considered, when it really comes down to it, I'd much rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
STEWART (alone, in the middle of the stage): Who is there? (silence) Who is there?
OFFSTAGE VOICE (not the one that opened the dream sequence, but quite similar to the one in MALACHI's dream sequence): There is none "there," my faithful servant, but I am "here."
STEWART: Who are you?
O.S. VOICE: I am ... exactly who you think I am.
STEWART: You are not ... He?
O.S. VOICE: I am indeed He.
STEWART: O great and glorious He! From whence do you address me?
O.S. VOICE: I speak to you from Heaven, my child.
STEWART: Heaven? Can it really be ... Are you really from ... Heaven?
O.S. VOICE: Do not disbelieve my word, child. I speak from years of experience.
STEWART (reverentially): O, that He whom I most reverently serve, please, tell me of Heaven.
O.S. VOICE: Heaven is a place of unparalleled wonder. Life, in its infinite variety, exists and coexists in glorious harmony. Every wonder which I saw fit to place in the natural world is here, unadulterated by sin. There is no greed, corruption, envy, or lust. All is beautiful, and all is perfect.
STEWART: Are there plants in Heaven, O Wise One?
O.S. VOICE: As far as the eye can see. Those which could not find room to grow in my earthly kingdom here thrive, free from strife and ruthless decimation.
STEWART: And cats? And dogs?
O.S. VOICE: They are all here, my child. Here, they have the one thing they all desire in life- independence.
STEWART: Forgive my curiosity, but, ... are there insects?
O.S. VOICE: Everything from the busy bee to the insidious cockroach.
STEWART: O Gracious One! I have one more question. What sort of people are in this heaven?
(pause)
O.S. VOICE: People, my child?
STEWART: Yes! Are there famous people? Familiar people? Forgotten people?
(long pause)
O.S. VOICE (gently): My child, there are no "people" in heaven.
(The final DREAM SEQUENCE ends as this realization sinks in.)
(The mise-en-scene is exactly as it was before the dream sequence. All the players are confined to one stage, but there is a sense that miles divide them.)
(All of a sudden, Stewart gets up and starts walking offstage- away from the doors.)
OCTAVE: Quo vadis, Stewart?
STEWART: What?
OCTAVE: Where are you going?
STEWART (emotionally): I'm getting out of here! I ... I can't take it anymore! I'm going back to where I came from!
(He storms offstage, but until he leaves he seems almost afraid that someone- or something- is going to stop him.)
(There is a pause.)
MALACHI: He will not get far.
OCTAVE: None of us will.
(Silence.)
JAMES (to MALACHI): Hey, weren't you in a big hurry or something?
MALACHI: I was. My destination no longer exists.
(Long silence.)
OCTAVE: Well, here we sit. Six Characters in Search of an Exit.
(Very long silence.)
MARY (darkly, out of nowhere): And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting ... On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door ... And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming … And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor ... And our souls from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor ... Shall be lifted - Nevermore!
(We hear the strains of Strauss' "Also Sprach Zarathustra" as the CURTAIN falls.)
