EXT. CAR The red Camero is driving down an empty highway. BRETT (Voice Over) Hello, my name is Brett, let me tell you a little bit about myself. You see, awhile ago I was driving my red Camero when I crashed into a science lab. Chemicals hit me and I became my car. Now, whenever I get hot, I turn into a car, when I get cold, I turn back. CUT TO: INT. CAR Inside the car we see ALEX at the drivers seat, RUBIX is in the passengers seat. In the back seat RUBY is beside the window, JAKE is in the middle with a dirty grin on his face and SAMANTHA is at the other side of him at the window. BRETT (Voice Over) You see, I thought this would help me fight crime, instead people started to die. I didn't mean to kill them, it was an accident. I had to flee my home town after a mass slaughter. It wasn't even my fault. Now I'm on the run with a group of other misunderstood misfits. We are all losers, that should automatically make us all lovable! Alex sits at the drivers seat. BRETT (Voice Over) That's Alex, he's my best friend, we grew up together along with Pattie. Unfortunately I splattered Pattie all over my kitchen floor when I tried to have sex with her so she isn't here. Alex doesn't know the truth, I decided to keep it from him, but basically he's a good guy! Samantha sits in the back seat, she's got a dildo in her, she's moaning. BRETT (Voice Over) That's Samantha. CUT TO: FLASHBACK: INT. BAR- NIGHT Samantha is sitting on a chair at the bar, there are two guys at either side of her. BRETT (Voice Over) Samantha is the sluttiest girl ever. Samantha turns to the guy on her left. SAMANTHA Hey stud, you can stick it anywhere, anyplace, any time. BRETT (Voice Over) Unfortunately she's one of the ugliest girls you'll ever see. The guy turns to Samantha and vomits all over her, Samantha turns to the guy the other side of her and taps him on the shoulder. SAMANTHA Hey stud! There is vomit dripping off Samantha's face, the guy opens his mouth to scream, a zit on Samantha's face bursts spewing puss into the other guys mouth, the guy gags, then vomits all over Samantha again, then gets up and runs away. Samantha sits in her seat with chunky vomit bits dripping off her face. SAMANTHA I'm doomed to be alone. Suddenly the chair breaks and Samantha falls on her ass. BRETT Poor Samantha. CUT TO: INT. BRETTS CAR- PRESENT. We see Jake in the back seat, listening to loud music, he's in between Samantha and Ruby. BRETT (Voice Over) This is Jake, as you can see he's white, for some reason he thinks he's black. CUT TO: FLASHBACK: INT. HIGH SCHOOL- GYM- DAY The gym is filled with teenagers, they are all in different groups. We see Jake making his way over to a group of black students. BRETT (Voice Over) It tends to get him in a little bit of trouble. JAKE Yo, wazz up my niggers! The black students turn to Jake. JAKE I came to join your posse! CUT TO: EXT. HIGH SCHOOL- GYM- DAY There is a window on the school, a badly beaten Jake comes smashing out the widow, he has rope tied around his legs. JAKE Is this an initiation? Jake gets pulled back into the window screaming. CUT TO: INT. BRETTS CAR- PRESENT. Jake shakes his head as he listens to music, Samantha passes the dildo over to Ruby. JAKE Gross, you crazy ass bitch! SAMANTHA Sorry Jake, hey Ruby, want it? Ruby smiles and takes the dildo. BRETT (Voice Over) This is Ruby, she's simply eye candy, nothing else. RUBY Oh thanks, a lolly pop! Ruby puts the dildo in her mouth and sucks it. BRETT (Voice Over) She's not the smartest girl. She decided to get away from her old town ever since the incident. CUT TO: FLASHBACK: INT. RUBYS HOUSE- LOUNGE- NIGHT. We see Ruby, she looks like a mess, she's covered in sweat and she's pointing a gun at something, she's crying and sweating. RUBY (Screaming) The police are on their way! There is a voice in the room. VOICE I'm gonna split you open. RUBY No, please don't. VOICE Your gonna die slowly, and horribly, just like your other friends. RUBY I'll shoot you where you stand! Suddenly there is a noise, the door is kicked in, the police run in. POLICE OFFICER 1 (Off Screen) Freeze! Police! RUBY (Shouting) In here, please help me, he's killed all of them! VOICE Now you die bitch! Ruby screams and shoots her gun, the police burst in. POLICE OFFICER 1 Oh god damn it! Ruby looks at the police officer. POLICE OFFICER 1 (Angry) Ruby, how many times do we have to tell you, the people on the television are not going to hurt you! We now see a TV on the floor with a bullet hole on the screen. RUBY But I saw him kill everyone. POLICE OFFICER 1 It was only a movie, Ruby, you have to stop calling us over this. RUBY (Upset) What? I can't live in a town where the police cover up murders, I'm scared. Ruby runs off out of the house, screaming like a slasher movie girl, tears streaming out of her eyes. CUT TO: INT. BRETTS CAR- PRESENT. Ruby takes the dildo out of her mouth, Jake looks at her, she smiles at him, there are loads of pubic hairs in her teeth. JAKE Damn woman! We then go to RUBIX who is sitting in the front passengers seat, he is playing with an Rubix Cube. BRETT (Voice Over) This is Rubix, he's a good guy with a limited vocabulary. CUT TO: FLASHBACK: INT. HIGH SCHOOL CLASSROOM- DAY We see a class of students, Rubix is one of them, the teacher is teaching the class. Rubix puts his hand up. RUBIX Sir, I'm like so like totally like lost on like question number four like dude. TEACHER (Stressed out) Please Rubix, I can't handle it anymore, talk normally! RUBIX I can like totally talk like a totally like totally like normal dude, dude. Suddenly the teacher snaps, then pulls a shotgun out from under the desk and points it at Rubix. TEACHER Die you annoying son of a bitch! The teacher pulls the trigger, Rubix ducks, the top part of the student behind hims head blows off, pieces of brains splatter onto the walls. RUBIX Like, holy like shit dude! The rest of the class look stunned. The teacher looks at them. TEACHER Your all Rubix! Bullets fly, student body parts explode, blood and gore splatter around the room, Rubix runs off. CUT TO: INT. BRETTS CAR- PRESENT. Rubix drops the cube. RUBIX Totally like damn it! BRETT (Voice over) There is also my dog Rusty, he's around here somewhere. EXT. BRETTS CAR As the car drives we see a sheepdog running behind it as fast as possible, there is rope around his neck and attached to the back of the car, there is terror in the poor dogs eyes as it runs for it's life. BRETT (Voice Over) We found each other, people who for some reason are shunned by society. We go from town to town, looking for a place to stay, a place to call home, somewhere to accept us. CUT TO: FLASHBACK: INT. HIGH SCHOOL- GYM- DAY The gym is filled with students working hard. There are cheerleaders cheering, people playing Basket ball and exorcising. Samantha comes running in wearing a cheer leading outfit. SAMANTHA I want to be a cheerleader as well! Some guys turn there head towards Samantha, they take one look at her and puke all over the floor. Some other guys playing Basket Ball run passed and slip over the vomit and fall on their asses. SAMANTHA So, am I in? The head cheerleader looks at Samantha with disgust. CHEERLEADER No fucking way you ugly bitch! Samantha cries and runs off. Brett, in human form, is at the other side of the gym, he is at the bottom of a rope, the coach is shouting at him, Alex is beside him. COACH Get your lazy fucking ass up that fucking rope now son. ALEX Hey man, that kind of language isn't needed, lets try keep things PG here. The coach backhands Alex and punches him across the face, Alex falls to the floor unconscious. COACH Now get your ass up the rope! BRETT Gee whiz sir, that wasn't needed. COACH Move it you male whore! Brett takes a deep breath and gets onto the rope, he starts climbing up the rope, he goes up pretty quickly. A teenage boy runs over to the coach. TEENAGER Jesus Christ sir it's freezing in this gym, why do all the heaters have to be so high up? Suddenly a red Camero comes smashing downwards. It smacks both the coach and the teenager on the head, they both splatter across the floor. Blood splashes around the room, splashing over the students. As the Camero hits the wooden floor wooden planks around the room spring upwards sending jocks and cheerleaders flying into the air. One screams in terror as she smacks into the wall, head first, her head splits open and splatters across the walls. A jocks back whacks the basket ball hoop, it goes through him and out his belly, his lower torso falls off, his guts spill out all over the floor. More teens splatter across the walls. BRETT Oh No! JAKE Damn brotha! Turbo teens doors open, Jake runs in, followed by Ruby and Samantha, Rubix runs over to Alex and wakes him up, the two then run over to Turbo Teen and get in, they drive off. The gym is blood red, there are body parts and guts everywhere. Blood soaked students scream. CUT TO: FLASHBACK: INT. CAFE- NIGHT Brett, Alex, Rubix and Jake are all sitting at the cafe counter drinking coffee. BRETT (Voice Over) No matter what we did, no matter where we went, somehow people seemed to die. Alex farts. RUBIX Dude like totally gross! JAKE Stinks man! A green gas can be seen rising behind the group. BRETT It stinks man! The group don't notice the gas. A waitress walks by, then starts gasping for air. Suddenly her skin begins melting off, she vomits up blood and falls down dead. ALEX Come on, it's not that smelly. More people behind the group start dying the same way but the group don't notice. BRETT Stinks, man, lets go. ALEX It's not like you fart perfume! The group stand up and turn around, the floor is covered in blood and skinned bodies with melted skin hanging off them. JAKE Shit man! RUBIX Like, oh oh, totally oh oh. ALEX What happened? BRETT I've no idea, lets go before we get infected. The group run off. CUT TO: FLASHBACK: INT. PAWN SHOP-DAY Ruby is standing in the Pawn Shop looking at things. BRETT (Voice Over) You see around us, people kept dying, accidently of course, and I wasn't the only one doing it. Ruby picks up a gun. RUBY Hey is this a gun? The shop owner sighs. SHOP OWNER (Sarcastically) No, it's a camera. Ruby looks at it. RUBY Really, cool! Is the trigger used to take the picture. Ruby points the gun at the owner. RUBY Smile! The shop owner is about the scream but Ruby pulls the trigger, shooting the shop owner in the forehead, blood splatters over the back wall and gushes out the wound. RUBY Oh sir, you seem to have a hole in your head! The shop owner collapses to the floor. RUBY This is no time for sleeping, that wound could be fatal. Ruby puts her hand in her pocket and pulls out a plaster, she then puts it over the shop owners wound. RUBY There, that should help, good bye! Ruby smiles and skips out of the shop. CUT TO: FLASHBACK: EXT. TOWN- NIGHT Turbo teen is parked on the side of the road leaving out of the town. There is a big sign on the side of the road saying "WELCOME TO LOUISVILLE", underneath that it says "POPULATION 64953" Alex is crossing out the population and writes underneath it "POPULATION 0, OUR BAD, SORRY" he then gets into Turbo Teen and the group drive off. CUT TO: INT. BRETTS CAR- PRESENT. The group are still driving. ALEX How much longer till the next town? BRETT Not long now. ALEX Lets try not to kill everyone this time. It's just not very nice. JAKE Yo dude, just keep dem killer farts to yourself! RUBIX And I like totally think we should like get like Samantha like a mask so she can like totally wear it over her like face! Ruby is now smiling into a mirror, there are still a lot of pubic hairs in her teeth. RUBY Hey, I've got hairs growing in my teeth, is this what a tooth brush is used for. There is silence in the car. SAMANTHA Anyway we're almost there, I can just feel that this is going to be the town to accept us. A big lump of snot hangs out of Samanathas nose, Jake points at it. JAKE Damn woman, you got booger city right there my bitch. Samantha picks the lump of snot off her nose, then puts it in her mouth and chews on it. SAMANTHA (Chewing) I can't see why no one has accepted us yet. CUT TO: EXT. BRETTS CAR We see Bretts car drive down the road, unknown to them, a few miles behind them, a big, black, monster truck, DARK RIDER, is following them. DARK RIDER I got you now Turbo Teen! CUT TO: INT. BRETTS CAR BRETT So how do you all know Alex? RUBIX It's totally like this like... BRETT (Interrupting) Can someone else please tell it? Rubix looks hurt and shuts up. JAKE Well homie it's like my brotha was saying... BRETT (Interrupting) Other then him! Jake shuts up and goes into a sulk. ALEX We all made a movie together once, it was a lot of fun. BRETT Cool, hey, look ahead, a town! ALEX Great, this place has to work for us. SAMANTHA Also it's Christmas time so it'll be cold, less chance of Brett accidently transforming and squashing peeps. RUBY Wait, don't people dress up and go trick or treating during Christmas? JAKE Dumb ass hoe. EXT. BRETTS CAR The car drives past a sign that says "YOU ARE NOW ENTERING CASTLE ROCK, HOME OF UWE BOLL" RUBIX (Off Screen) We are like SO going to like totally fit in like here. The car drives off into the distance, with Rusty running behind, still tied to the car. Then Dark Rider comes into view, it stops. DARK RIDER I've finally caught up with you Turbo Teen. Dark Rider drives off into the town. CUT TO: INT. HOTEL ROOM- NIGHT The room is small and dark, there are only three beds in it, Brett, now in human form, walks inside, he is followed by the rest of the group, even Rusty. ALEX Hey man there are only three beds. BRETT I guess we'll all have to share, Samantha can have one of the beds to herself. SAMANTHA What, why? Four zits on Samanthas face explode, the puss sprays around the room, covering the gang. SAMANTHA I'm sorry, I'm just going out for awhile. Samantha bursts into tears and runs out the room. ALEX Sam wait! RUBY It's ok! Alex and Ruby chase after Samantha but slip on the puss and bash their heads on the floor. They both moan. CUT TO: INT. BAR- NIGHT The bar is full of people, mostly guys. Samantha walks into the room, she is naked, she has "STICK IT HERE" written on her belly with an arrow leading to her vagina, then another arrow leading to her mouth. All heads turn towards her, then turn to the floor and vomit, the floor starts filling with vomit, Samantha sighs and walks over to the Karaoke machine, as she turns around we see she has written "OR HERE" on her back with an arrow leading to her ass. She puts in some money, the tune to Barbie Girl starts. SAMANTHA (Singing) I'm an ugly girl, my face makes you hurl, Sad I have it, I should bag it, acne everywhere, unwanted facial hair, I'm a relation to Frankenstein's creation. One of the guys in the bar stands up. GUY (Singing) You're so ugly you disgust me! SAMANTHA (Singing) I'm a blond, lonely girl, all alone in the world, I'm as flat as a board, thin and lanky. GUY 2 (Singing) You're a dog and a troll, were you hit by a train? Won't go near you 'cause your breath is skanky. SAMANTHA (Singing) Don't get touched, I'm afraid, cause guys say I'm an eyesore, Ooooh I'm an ugly girl, my face makes you hurl, Sad I have it, I should bag it, acne everywhere, unwanted facial hair, I'm a relation to Frankenstein's creation! GUY (Singing) You're so ugly, you disgust me! SAMANTHA (Singing) Boo-hoo-hoo, yeah. GUY 2 You're so ugly, you disgust me! Suddenly someone else stands up in the crowd, it's Weird Al Yankovic! WEIRD AL (Shouting) You damn bitch! How dare you rip me off, your worse then Napster! Now you die! SAMANTHA (Scared) Eep! Weird Al gets up and chases after Samantha, Samantha runs off, screaming. INT. BAR- HALLWAY. Samantha bursts into the hallway, she slams the door closed behind her and locks it. She turns around and runs in a door marked "Mens toilets". INT. BAR- TOILETS Samantha runs in, she bumps into a guy. GUY Hey dude, get some clothes man! The guy walks out. Samantha slams the door and locks it. Suddenly an axe blade slams through it, Samantha screams out! SAMANTHA Oh god no! Samantha is so scared she wets herself, urine gushes down her legs and onto a puddle on the floor, there is a lot of it. The axe keeps slamming into the door! Samantha runs into a cubicle, closes the door behind her. Weird Al smashes through the door and runs inside. WEIRD AL I'll get you! Weird Al runs onto the puddle of urine, he tries running but slips and slides in the same place! He drops his axe and starts frailing his arms wildly! He slips and falls on his back. In the cubicle Samantha is squeezing her way out a window, she's halfway through but she's stuck, her ass is still inside. SAMANTHA Oh no! Someone help! A piece of poop comes out Samanthas ass and stays there. Weird Al gets up, his back is soaked in urine, he stands, slips again and falls face first into the puddle of urine. WEIRD AL Your demise will be slow and painful! SAMANTHA Why are people always trying to kill me!? Weird Al gets up again, he opens the cubicle door, he sees Samanthas ass dangling in the window, the piece of shit is still in it. WEIRD AL How dare you stick your tongue out at me, now you die! Samantha screams in terror, suddenly she farts, the piece of shit explodes and covers Weird Al from head to toe. WEIRD AL You sick fucking bitch! SAMANTHA Oh no, my bowl movements are acting up again. Suddenly Samantha starts shitting and farting at the same time, shit pours out her ass like it's coming out a hose, it covers Weird Al from head to toe, chunks of shit drip off his face, he tries to close the cubicle door but the shit is coming at to much force, Al screams then slips in the urine again and falls flat on his back. The stream of shit suddenly comes to a stop. Al lays in a pool of urine covered in shit. EXT. BAR- ALLEYWAY The front half of Samantha is dangling out the window, it's about six feet in the air, she pushes one last time and falls out the window to the ground. SAMANTHA Ouch, that hurt. Samantha gets up, cold and naked. There are two collage male students in the alleyway. STUDENT 1 Man, that chick an I where shagging all night long. STUDENT 2 I had a threesome with two other chicks last night. I just can't get enough pussy. They look up and see Samantha. She gives them a seductive smile. STUDENT 1 (Shocked) That's it I'm turning gay. STUDENT 2 Me two, lets go back to your place and fuck. The students run off. Samantha starts to cry. Brett as Turbo Teen drives into the Alleyway, Alex and Rubix are in the front seat, Ruby and Jake are in the back seat. The back door opens. BRETT Oh man Samantha we've been looking all over for you, get in the back. INT. BRETTS CAR Samantha gets in, Ruby is beside her. JAKE Damn bitch you stink. RUBY Your covered in strange smelling chocolate! Ruby licks Samantha's leg. RUBY That tastes gross! BRETT Hey guys look! Ahead of them someone wearing a Balaclava and all black comes out of a video shop, he has a big bag in his hands filled with something. ALEX Thief! BRETT Now is our time to shine, do some good! (Shouting) Turbo Teen to the rescue! Brett chases after the thief, the thief turns around and sees Brett, then runs out of the alley way. RUBY Brett, behind us! Behind Brett we see Dark Rider at the other end of the alley way. BRETT (Scared) Oh gosh! It's dark rider! Dark Rider charges at Brett and whacks him in the rear, Brett flies forwards. DARK RIDER It's not time yet, but soon. Dark Rider backs out of the Alleyway. JAKE You A OK Home boy? BRETT Yeah, I'm fine, some day I'll get that Dark Rider. Brett Charges out of the Alleyway. SAMANTHA So who is this Dark Rider? ALEX Someone who keeps pestering us all the time. RUBIX Got like and like idea on like who this Dark Rider dude is like? BRETT None, all we have is a make up kit! EXT. BRETTS CAR The gang are now on a road, up ahead they see the thief climbing up onto a helicopter, the helicopter begins to take off. ALEX (Shocked) Oh gee gosh! They're going to get away! BRETT Not if I can help it, engage turbo propeller extra important boosters! JAKE (Confused) What the? Bretts wheels expand for a second, the car flies into the air and grabs onto the helipoter, then pulls itself up. JAKE (Confused) How the hell? INT. HELICOPTER Brett climbs up into the helicopter, oddly enough there is plenty of room for him. Ahead of him we see the thief, the thief drops the sack, turns around and pulls off his Balaclava, it's Jaime Pressly! RUBIX Oh my gosh, it's like that like chick from like that movie, Pinata, Survival Island. Suddenly a look of rage appears on Jaimes face, she jumps forwards and lands on the bonnet, she punches her fist through the windshield. BRETT Ouch! She grabs Rubix and drags him out the windshield. RUBIX Like help! RUBY Someone save him! Jaime starts violently slamming Rubix's head off the bonnet. JAIME (Angrily) That movie doesn't exist! Blood gushes all over the bonnet. Jaime continues slamming his head down. JAIME You never saw it! It never happened! BRETT Someone save him! JAKE Ugh, we're to lazy! Jaime tosses Rubix to the floor, she picks up her sack full of videos and DVDs and starts beating Rubix around with it. ALEX No! Jaime gives Rubix one last belt, he falls out the helicopter. EXT. HELICOPTER Rubix falls from the helicopter, screaming RUBIX Like AUUUUGGGGHHHHHH Rubix lands on a flag pole, it goes up his ass. RUBIX Like totally ouch! Rubix slides down the pole until it comes out the top of his head, brain matter sticking to the pole. RUBIX (Dying) This like totally sucks! Rubix dies. CUT TO: INT. HELICOPTER Everyone in the car screams. ALEX Oh no, likable Rubix is dead! BRETT You'll pay for this! JAIME Who are you? BRETT I am TURBO TEEN! Jaime drops her sack, it falls to the ground, copies of Pinata: Survival Island fall out of it! SAMANTHA So that's your game, steal every copy! JAIME It isn't real! ALEX I think we've solved the case of the missing Pinata: Survival Island videos. JAIME I would of gotten away with it to, if it weren't for you meddling kids! Brett drives at Jaime, she jumps out of the way, the car drives out the helicopter. CUT TO: INT. SHOPPING MALL We are at the center of the shopping mall, Santa Claus is standing there, surrounded by kids ages 4-12, he is holding a sack full of toys. SANTA Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas boys and girls! CHILD 1 We love you Santa! CHILD 2 Your my hero Santa! CHILD 3 Have you ever heard of dieting you fat fucking bastard! Give me those fucking toys or I'll shoot you dead bitch! Suddenly Brett smashes through the roof and lands on Santa, splattering him. Bits and pieces of Santa splatter all over the children. One child gets a liver smacked into his face, another gets covered in entrails, brain matter splatters all over another, Santas penis even smacks another child in the face, the child picks it up. CHILD 4 Oh a lolly pop! The child stuffs the dick in his mouth and swallows it, suddenly the Childs starts choking. His face turns blue, he tries to call for help but can't, his face is now completely blue, he falls down, dead. ALEX Brett, are you ok? BRETT Yeah, I landed on something soft! The angry children all turn to Brett. CHILD 1 You killed Santa! INT. BRETTS CAR Alex looks shocked at the crowd charging at them. ALEX Get us out of here! RUBY Now, they be pissed! Brett slams forwards he heads straight at the crowd, running down lots of innocent children as they make their escape. CUT TO: INT. HOTEL ROOM- NIGHT The group walk in the door, they are drenched in blood. Brett is now human. BRETT That wasn't a good first day. ALEX So do we leave? BRETT No, we still have a chance to fit in here. SAMANTHA But we lost Rubix! He was our friend and we let him die, literally JAKE I wasn't helping, I was comfortable BRETT We can make it work here, besides, if we stay here we may discover the truth behind Dark Rider. Now get some sleep, we start school tomorrow. RUBY Good night all. CUT TO: INT. HELICOPTER Jaime is now sitting on a chair, the driver of the helicopter gets out, it's Nicholas Brendon. NICHOLAS Where to now? JAIME We're staying here! NICHOLAS Why? JAIME We have an enemy, it is Turbo Teen, we must destroy him! NICHOLAS Ok, but this better not take to long, I have to go back to rehab soon, then I start work on Pinata 2. Jaime looks at Nicholas shocked. NICHOLAS Hey I gotta work, Buffy is no longer on. JAIME A sequel! Oh great, this will remind more people of the first. NICHOLAS Are you getting any jobs, it seems odd you have all this free time. JAIME I made time! This movie must be forgotten, and Turbo Teen must die! FADE TO BLACK. TO BE CONTINUED