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Surprisingly, his birth certficiate states "William Wonka" instead.

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Here, Wonka puts deep thought into ridiculous methods of processing candy and torturing Oompa Loompas.

NAME:  William "Willy" Wonka
AGE:  57
HEIGHT:  5'10"
WEIGHT:  Approximately 150 lbs.
BORN:  April 20, 1943

To say Wonka has a shady past would be an understatement.  It is thought that he once was a sane and normal person, however his love for candy and PCP drove him over the edge.

William "Willy" Wonka started his career in the mid sixties, opening a small candy store in Alberqurque, NM.  His business was a success, and he soon had his own string of Wonka Candy Stores.  Not satisfied with merely distributing candy, Wonka realized his childhood dream when the Wonka Candy Factory opened in 1969.  Wonka Candy was wildly popular and made him into a very rich man.

However, the constant intereference of a man known simply as Slugworth drove Wonka over the edge.  He became a recluse, closing down his factory for several years.  People lost their jobs and sole family income, forced into poverty due to Wonka's selfishness.  He remained in the factory for several years, when suddenly production started again...yet nobody knew who or WHAT he was using for his workforce.   People theorized that Wonka had CYBORG MONKEYS working in the factory, however in actuality he had the Oompa Loompas shipped to him in crates.  Promising glory and happiness, Wonka suckered the unsuspecting Oompa Loompas into leaving their war-ravaged homeland for the Slave-like conditions of the factory.

Wonka has no legtimate children and is not married, though it is thought that he has fathered many children with the female Oompa Loompas.  He has developed complex and abstract methods of torture and means of physical labor for the Oompa Loompas, deriving pleasure solely from seeing the "forgotten minority" suffer.

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"Au contraire...for you see, an Oompa Loompa WILL cry if you bend his fingers back far enough."



Main Page

Negotiations to free the Oompa Loompas

A caring race of people...

Biography of the Oppressor

A horrific new invention from Willy Wonka - the Oompa Loompa Cannon

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