director
Bo Welch
screenwriters
Alec Berg
David Mandel
Jeff Schaffer
based on
the book by
Dr. Seuss
producer
Brian Grazer
cinematographer
Emmanuel Lubezki
music
David Newman
editor
Don Zimmerman
cast
Mike Myers (The Cat)
Alec Baldwin (Quinn)
Kelly Preston (Mom)
Dakota Fanning (Sally)
Spencer Breslin (Conrad)
Amy Hill (Mrs. Kwan)
Sean Hayes (Mr. Humberfloob/The Fish)
Danielle Ryan Chuchran (Thing One)
Taylor Rice (Thing One)
Brittany Oakes (Thing Two)
Talia Prairie (Thing Two)
Dan Castellaneta (Thing One/Two voice)
Clint Howard (Kate the Caterer)
mpaa rating: PG
running
time: 83m
u.s.
release: November 21,
2003
video
availability: TBA
official
website
see also:
- how
the grinch stole christmas
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It doesn't speak very well
of The Cat in the Hat that the only thing that got anything
close to a laugh out of me was Paris Hilton's cameo. She plays
a party-goer in some weird, G-rated rave club where the denizens
all wear versions of the Cat's familiar striped hat, which may
be a reference to the way ravers have adopted Dr. Seuss garb
(yeah, that was big ten years ago -- I saw dorky stoners
wearing those things at Lollapalooza '93). But getting back to
Paris Hilton: this may be the only time in history that someone
has appeared in an X-rated video (albeit made public without
her consent) and a big-budget kiddie flick within the same season.
Ron Howard must be sighing with relief that his name isn't anywhere
near the credits.
Howard, of course, gave us
How
the Grinch Stole Christmas three Novembers ago, and his
producing partner Brian Grazer, noting the hefty box-office returns
even though nobody seems to have liked the movie much,
has turned his attention to another Dr. Seuss book and hired
another big comedy star to wear pounds of face-obscuring latex
as the eponymous character. (Who's next? Adam Sandler as the
Lorax? Reese Witherspoon as Daisy-Head Mayzie?) Make-up artist
Steve Johnson has taken over for Rick Baker, who won an Oscar
for turning Jim Carrey into the Grinch. But the Grinch was supposed
to look menacing and creepy; the Cat in the Hat, with his long
thick eyelashes, snub nose, and wide mouth that seems to move
independently of the rest of his face, looks like nobody so much
as ... well ... Michael Jackson.
Another Michael, Mike Myers,
is under the latex, and he never lets us forget that Mike Myers
is under the latex. Myers gives a restless, noisy, pop-culture-in-a-Cuisinart
performance -- his Cat is a direct lineal descendant of Robin
Williams' Genie in Aladdin (a bad precedent, it
now appears). These movies insult intelligence across generational
lines by providing flatulent slapstick for the kids (the lactose-intolerant
Cat at one point unleashes the mother of all burps) and tired
parodies of TV for parents. And there are about a hundred too
many cut-aways to the bored kids Sally (Dakota Fanning) and Conrad
(Spencer Breslin), whose house the Cat has invaded, as they stare
at each other in bewilderment after one of the Cat's many unfunny
gags. (And you can take "gags" literally: the Cat also
horks up a hairball, and is seen filling up a barf bag during
a bumpy ride. Is Dr. Seuss rolling in his grave yet?)
The kids have been charged
by their busy single mom (Kelly Preston) with keeping the house
clean so that she can throw a party attended by her business
clients and her germ-phobic boss (Sean Hayes, snipping like Will
& Grace's Jack on overdrive). Conrad's fate also depends
on it, as Mom's skunky boyfriend (Alec Baldwin, a long, sad distance
from David Mamet) has threatened to send the kid to military
school if he doesn't shape up. Dr. Seuss's book got along fine
without any of these witless complications.
The visuals are as cluttered
as the plot. The first-time director is Bo Welch, who made his
name as a production designer for Tim Burton (Beetlejuice,
Edward Scissorhands, Batman Returns) and Barry Sonnenfeld
(Wild
Wild West, the Men
in Black movies). Proving my theory that a creative whiz
in another field promoted to director will focus on his field
to the exclusion of all else, Welch makes the town of Anville
(Cat's setting) an elaborate Pez-colored fantasyland.
There's even a mini-commercial for the "Seuss Landing"
ride at Universal Studios (complete with a winking plug from
Myers that's so blatant it goes beyond irony and into conscious
pimping -- Mike, what has happened to you?). But look
at the Seuss book and you find nothing more fancy than a few
doors and windows.
Seuss knew how to tell a simple,
enthralling, and funny story without hectic scenery or
near-obscenities (a running "joke" in this PG-rated
family film involves characters almost saying things like
"ass" and "balls" before being interrupted).
Brian Grazer, judging from the two Seuss movies he has uncorked,
only knows how to corrupt those wonderful, simple tales. Doing
Seuss in live-action isn't doomed to failure: 1953's The 5,000
Fingers of Dr. T, written by Seuss himself, contains more
wonder and vision in five minutes than the entireties of the
Carrey Grinch and the Myers Cat put together. Of
course, it was released fifty years ago. Will people still be
watching this Cat in the Hat in 2053? I bet Paris Hilton
hopes so.
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