Movie seen in July but not mentioned below: The Awful Truth (1937) B; Bad Taste (1988) B-; The Badge (2002) B; Barbershop (2002) C; Best Men (1997) C+; Black Mask 2: City of Masks (2002) C; Bloody Vampire (1962) D; Blue Crush (2002) B; Charlotte’s Web (1973) C; The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course (2002) C+; Door to Door (2002) B; Extreme Ops (2002) C-; Eye See You (2002) B-; The Good Girl (2002) B; The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1967) B+; Hell’s Gate (2002) F; John Q (2002) B; Jonah: A Veggietales Movie (2002) B; Legion of the Dead (2002) F; The Night Evelyn Came Out of the Grave (1971) D; Piranha (1978) B-; Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003) A; Return to Neverland (2002) C+; The Rules of Attraction (2002) B; Sasquatch (2003) D; Saturday Night Fever (1977) C+; Sextette (1978) C-; S1m0ne (2002) B; Sisters of Death (1978) C+; Sleepaway Camp 3: Teenage Wasteland (1989) C; Some of My Best Friends Are... (1971) B-; Spirited Away (2002) B+; Strictly Sinatra (2001) B-; Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003) A-; Treasure Island (1950) B; Treasure Planet (2002) B; The Werewolf Vs. the Vampire Woman (1971) D-; West Side Story (1961) B-; Who is Cletis Tout? (2002) B
Movies seen in June but not mentioned below: The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002) C-; Baby Boy (2001) B-; The Barber (2002) B+; Black River (2001) C; Blow Up (1966) C; Brother’s Keeper (2002) B; Comedian (2002) B+; Crash of Moons (1954) C-; Darkness Falls (2003) B-; The Emperor’s New Clothes (2002) B+; Enough (2002) B-; Hellion: The Devil’s Playground (2002) D-; The Importance of Being Earnest (2002) B+; Invasion (1997) C-; Juwanna Man (2002) D+; Left Behind 2: Tribulation Force (2002) D-; Like Mike (2002) C-; Lovely and Amazing (2002) B+; Men in Black 2 (2002) B-; Men With Brooms (2002) C-; Monsoon Wedding (2002) B-; Old School (2003) C-; Rambo: First Blood Part 2 (1985) B+; The Recruit (2003) B+; Roman Holiday (1953) B+; Samson in the Wax Museum (1963) D+; A Season on the Brink (2002) B-; The Shining (1997) B+; Soulkeeper (2001) C; Stuart Little 2 (2002) C; Sunshine State (2002) A-; 28 Days Later (2003) A-; Undisputed (2002) B+; Who Ever Slew Auntie Roo? (1971) B+
Movies seen in May but not mentioned below: All About the Benjamins (2002) F; Bad Company (2002) C+; Bat Thumb (2001) B; Beaches (1988) B+; The Black Stallion (1979) B+; The Brotherhood of the Wolf (2002) A-; The Criminal (2001) B-; The Day Reagan Was Shot (2001) B+; The Dead Zone (2002) B+; Die Sister, Die! (1972) C+; Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood (2002) C-; First Blood (1982) B+; Frankenthumb (2002) B+; Futurama: Volume 1 (1999) A; G.I. Joe: The Revenge of Cobra (1984) B; Gen-Y Cops (2002) B-; The Ghost (1963) C+; Hey Arnold! The Movie (2002) B-; Life or Something Like It (2002) C; The Matrix Reloaded (2003) A-; A Mighty Wind (2003) B; Mr. Deeds (2002) D; Nine Queens (2002) B+; The Program (1993) C+; Raging Bull (1980) B; Real Life (1979) B+; The 7th Voyage of Sinbad (1958) C+; Sorority Boys (2002) B-; Swept Away... By an Unusual Destiny in the Blue Sea of August (1974) D-; Ted Bundy (2002) B; 13 Conversations About One Thing (2002) B+; Windtalkers (2002) C+; X2: X-Men United (2003) A-
June 18
(I know this movie isn't a straight to video movie, violating the only rule of this site, but that's the upside of making your own rules, you can change them when ever you want!)
Title: Finding Nemo
Directors: Andrew Stanton, Lee Unkrich
Cast: Albert Brooks, Ellen DeGeneres, Alexander Gould, Eric Bana, Willem Dafoe, Brad Garrett, Barry Humphries, Allison Janney, Vicki Lewis, Austin Pendleton, Erik Per Sullivan, Elizabeth Perkins, John Ratzenberger, Stephen Root, Geoffrey Rush
Thoughts: The death of a parent (or two) has been a staple of Disney’s animated features since their first, 1937’s Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs. It’s as though they think that the only way a child can truly begin their life, or to have an adventure, is to experience this. Finding Nemo opens with the (off screen) death of Coral (Perkins) shortly after she and Marlin (Brooks) have found a home and a safe place for their eggs. All but one egg, along with Coral, are devoured by some sea creature that I couldn’t name if I tried. Marlin raises his sole remaining child, names him Nemo and is extremely over protective of him. Annoyed by his father keeping him from doing anything on his own, Nemo (Gould) swims too close to a boat and is captured by a diver and placed in an aquarium in a dentist’s office in Sydney, Australia. Marlin then goes on a quest to find him, assisted by dimwitted Dory (DeGeneres). I don’t usually see animated movies in theaters, since that’s where the little kids tend to swarm. So I waited a couple of weeks into Nemo’s run to go see a matinee. There was only one person under the age of 18 present (and only 4 over 18) in the theater, so I was okay with that. After sitting through interminable ads for upcoming family appropriate movies, none of which look even remotely entertaining, save for Pixar’s The Incredibles, due in the fall of 2004, I prepared myself for what I knew would be a sappy movie. And it was sappy in many places, but thanks to DeGeneres’ Dory it’s tolerable. Dory is a terrific character, the short term memory problem might sound like a lame gimmick but it’s actually funny when Dory tells Marlin to follow her then, after a minute, turns around and demands that he stop following her. The animation is as brilliant as Pixar’s animation always is, including the film’s showpiece, a jellyfish forest, and the story moves along briskly. If only the sap had been reined in a little more. It’s a good movie and, unlike too many family movies lately, is fun for adults too.
Grade: B+
May 29
Title: Facing Fear (2000)
Director: Noel Quinones
Cast: Dean Cain, Miguel Sandoval, Talisa Soto, Kristian de la Osa
Thoughts: Deceptively titled kids flick (no one ever faces a fear) has pilot Cain landing his plane in Sandoval’s plantain orchard and affecting the lives of a small family. Originally saddled with the awful title Flight of Fancy, Facing Fear starts lame, veers into cliché and ends up just plain lousy. Farmer Sandoval is about to marry Soto when her son (de la Osa) steals his car and crashes it into the plantain orchard, where Cain’s plane lands a little while later. With a nonexistent biological father, a pointlessly angry son, a helpless mother, an angry potential stepfather and a hunky stranger, this movie must have set some kind of record for following the rules of these types of movies so closely. Nothing original happens, the dialogue is terrible and the effects are obvious, the only thing that generates any kind of interest at all is the main cast, especially Sandoval, one of the best character actors working today. There’s also an annoying B-plot with de la Osa and his two friends, neither of whom are ever anything other than absolutely grating. Sure there’s nice scenery, but this isn’t a nature documentary, I need more.
Grade: D
May 23
Title: G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero (1983)
Director: Sam Weiss
Cast: voices of Michael Bell, B.J. Ward, Frank Welker, Rob Paulsen
Thoughts: This five episode mini-series served to introduce G.I. Joe to legions of new young fans, myself among them, in the early 80’s. I specifically remember seeing several scenes before this re-watch, but overall it may as well have been my first time seeing it. The plot has Cobra attempting to take over the world, as usual, by causing mass destruction with their MASS Device. They need three rare elements to use the thing; one is crystals that can only be found in a cave in the Arctic, another that can only be found at the bottom of the ocean, and another that is in a volcano. They quickly run out of the elements they have (I guess they didn’t have the presence of mind to get extra), so they have to go on three expeditions to get more. G.I. Joe tries to stop them by building their own MASS Device to combat Cobra’s efforts, which means they’re also hunting down the elements. Two guesses how it turns out. The show is typical action/comedy stuff, with the good guys beating up the bad guys and then unleashing really lame quips or insults. But hey, I was a kid when I first saw it and now it’s just nostalgia, and you can’t fight that. If you were a fan of the show when it was on, you’ll love this mini-series just as much as you did when you first saw it, but I don’t think it’s going to win over a lot of new fans.
Grade: B+
May 21
Title: Hellraiser: Hellseeker (2002)
Director: Rick Bota
Cast: Dean Winters, Ashley Laurence, Doug Bradley, William S. Taylor
Thoughts: I am officially sick of the Hellraiser series. Not because it’s gross, quite the opposite in fact - this sixth entry is even less disgusting than the virtually gore-free fifth film. While Hellseeker goes to the trouble of bringing back Laurence, who hasn’t appeared in a Hellraiser since the second one, it casts her in a relatively minor role while Winters not only takes the lead but also dominates the entire film. Bradley, forever Pinhead, makes a couple of appearances but really doesn’t have a whole lot to do. In fact, if his scenes were edited out, this movie could pass itself off as a generic supernatural thriller. There is promise, like Taylor as the detective trying to figure out what caused the car wreck that got the movie rolling. He’s the most interesting character in the movie, even though it’s pretty clear from the beginning that, while he plays the Good Cop, he most definitely is not a good cop. Save for yet another hooks pulling at flesh effect at the end, a device used by nearly all Hellraisers, the gore is pretty lame - one scene that reveals a character to have two heads is particularly laughable. I think it’s time to put this horror series out to pasture, unless someone wants to do a showdown of Clive Barker characters type of sequel. Pinhead vs. Candyman anyone? Anyone?
Grade: C-
May 17
Title: Acceptable Risk (2001)
Director: William A. Graham
Cast: Chad Lowe, Kelly Rutherford, Sean Patrick Flanery, Patty McCormack
Thoughts: Made for TBS thriller based on a Robin Cook novel. Having never read a Cook novel or seen a movie based on one, I didn’t know what to expect. For all I knew Cook’s books had some sort of bizarre trend towards twist endings, erotic interludes or, shudder, religious imagery. Fortunately, it’s a pretty straight forward medical thriller with scientist Lowe discovering mysterious spores in his cellar and trying to put them to use reversing brain damage. Of course there’s a horrible side effect that he discovers first hand, since he’s testing the stuff on himself. Rutherford plays his wife and does little but worry and scream occasionally, Flanery plays an old classmate of Lowe’s who helps him out with his work and experiences the same side effects. Lowe’s youthful appearance once again aids him in this role, it keeps him from being too menacing so the viewer is never too concerned about what he’s going to do. The movie, while not great, is an enjoyable thriller, though it’s made-for-TV roots are evident every time a black out precedes what would have been a commercial break, and it’s lack of anything but the basic elements of it’s genre hurts it a little.
Grade: B-
May 12
Title: The Diary of Ellen Rimbauer (2003)
Director: Craig R. Baxley
Cast: Lisa Brenner, Steven Brand, Tsidii Leloka
Thoughts: This prequel to last year’s Rose Red chronicles, without really explaining, the events in the house that led to it being haunted. Brenner is the title character, Brand plays her husband, who grows less and less likable with each passing moment. Leloka is the movie’s brightest spot, as Ellen’s confidant Sukeena. Early in the film, Ellen is dragged off to Africa by her new husband while the house, named Rose Red, is being completed. There, she engages in some sort of tribal ritual, wakes up in bed with her husband and a mystery woman, and then comes down with an ailment that Sukeena says is carried by men and suffered by women. She recovers of course, and brings Sukeena home with her to Seattle, where they both instantly feel as though the house is alive. About half an hour into the movie, the house claims it’s first victim, Ellen’s romantic rival Fanny, who has been having an affair with Ellen’s husband and who hasn’t been terribly secretive about it. One could instantly jump to the conclusion that the house was avenging Ellen, or protecting her, but that would be too easy. Anyone expecting The Diary of Ellen Rimbauer to be in the same spirit as Rose Red will likely be disappointed, as there aren’t a lot of real scares in this film. It gets creepy, in a good way, in parts, but overall, I think it’s more of a drama than anything else. It’s interesting throughout, but it’s never great, save for Leloka, who I hope to see more of in the future. If there’s any more to this Rose Red story, either in Stephen King or in Diary writer Ridley Pearson, I’d like to see it.
Grade: B
May 10
Title: Mood Swingers (2000)
Director: William Marsh
Cast: Paul Bettany, Olivia Williams
Thoughts: Released in the UK under the pointlessly controversial title Dead Babies, Mood Swingers concerns a drug party at a large country estate in England. A Beautiful Mind’s Bettany plays Quentin, essentially the leader of the group, if only because he’s the most obnoxious (which is really saying something). The party gets under way in a meadow, where all the women take their tops off and admire each other’s breasts. Then a cow chases them away, ultimately getting conked on the head and knocked out by the rowdiest partier. Then they go to one of those alternative stage shows where something stupid happens and is declared art. All the while an internet terrorist group is running around killing people, a fact you know is important because it doesn’t seem to have anything to do with the movie at first. This movie is made for people who think any drug reference is inherently hilarious, I can’t imagine anyone else being terribly entertained. It isn’t an awful movie, it just goes off the rails towards the end, making everything that came before it a waste of time.
Grade: C-
May 7
Title: The Rats (2002)
Director: John Lafia
Cast: Madchen Amick, Vincent Spano, Daveigh Chase, Sheila McCarthy
Thoughts: In New York City there are about nine rats for every person, so says Spano in this made-for-Fox thriller. Amick stars as a do-all for an NYC department store, she’s basically in charge of everything from floor to ceiling, so when it becomes clear that the place is infested with rats, it sort of almost makes sense that she’d follow exterminator Spano around like a puppy. Chase, who played the world’s creepiest little girl in The Ring, slums as Amick’s daughter, who exists for the sole purpose of being put into jeopardy and then rescued, while McCarthy plays the store’s owner, who seems only interested in preserving the store’s image, until the end when she basically hands over anything required to save the world from super rats. It’s an absurd plot, though it’s clearly based in fact (NYC really does have a lot of rats). The super rat development is unnecessary, really, as regular rats would be more than enough to creep people out. It does make it easier to get rid of them though, in a scene with some of the most obvious CGI effects I’ve ever been witness to. It’s the kind of dumb fun movie that were churned out in huge numbers in the 50’s, only with a larger budget, which doesn’t hurt.
Grade: B-
May 3
Title: The Elite (2001)
Director: Terry Cunningham
Cast: Jason Lewis, Joel West, Jurgen Prochnow, Maxine Bahns, Robin Givens, Derek Brewer, Keith Brewer, Steven Williams
Thoughts: Riddled with continuity errors, lots of lame dialogue, a clichéd plot and a few bad actors - The Elite has no business being as fun as it is. Williams plays some sort of military guy who trains five kids to become super soldiers after a plane they were all on with their parents, all of whom were at the top of their fields in business, is shot down, leaving them as the only survivors. They grow up to become model-hot and take on terrorists the world over, all the while being officially listed as deceased so that whoever blew up the plane doesn’t know they’re still alive. Lewis is the leader of the group by default - he’s the one who has to spout the lame quips, and he’s the first one to disobey an order. West is the serious guy who does everything by the book, Bahns is the chick who doesn’t really do much, and the Brewer Twins each stand around looking hot, wishing he could go surfing and gazing adoringly into the living mirror that is his brother. The plot has them battling bad guys intent on senselessly killing a bunch of people at the launch of a video game, of course the launch is attended by several people who are all at the top of their fields in business - so two guesses who blew up the plane at the beginning. Sure it’s silly, but not so much that it gets grating. It’s good fun, and I think it would make a really cool regular series, if anyone’s interested in spinning it off.
Grade: B+